ricebagel does things

Understanding other people is difficult for her, and that causes a lot of harm to both others and herself. It shows up in both major and minor ways. When she gives her friends things she doesn’t need anymore as gifts, she does not understand the negative, “rude” connotation that comes with it. It actively drilled the idea of her manipulating Haruka into the audience’s head, which partly got her a guilty verdict. When she gives Haruka her useless hair clip, she views it as surface level. She is giving her friend a gift. She does not see how it can be read as her being uncaring and giving her supposed friend something discardable. She’s never taught to exercise her critical thinking. She doesn't have to. She is given everything she wants. And so she grows up to become majorly socially inept.

On the flip side, she does not realize her friends are using her. She does not realize her friends don’t care for her outside of her popularity and personal possessions. When Muu is asked for things, she views it as simply that. Her friend wants an item she has. If she can supply it, then she sees no reason not to comply. She does not see the underlying issue because she does not try to look for it. She’s not taught the signs to see it. When someone is using you, it’s because they want you to do stuff for them. Muu isn’t doing anything for anyone. Giving someone an old makeup palette she doesn’t use anymore isn’t that big of a deal. Muu likes giving her friends things. And people like when she gives them things. She likes making people happy! (“Take more and more [honey] and devote to me”). When people are being used, they don’t usually like that.

Her friends bully Rei. Or, well, she’s not sure. Muu’s been used to being treated like a princess her whole life. It’s simply the way she lives. People like her. People admire her. They want to be with her and that simply is the way things are! She is lovely and great and that is enforced by everyone around her. Except Rei. Rei scorns her for no reason at all, and she does not understand that at all. She doesn’t like the fact she doesn’t get that. She doesn’t like when things are complicated. She avoids Rei. Her peers, obviously, pick up on this, and knowing Rei does not like Muu, they defend their queen bee. Being mean is a bad thing, so her friends aren’t doing anything wrong as far as she can tell (“If you wanna betray out of jealousy, you know what’s gonna happen to YOU”). Rei was doing something bad. People usually get consequences for doing something wrong. It’s simply the way things are (“I told you, I’m queen, and it’s always the same/and it will never change”). She does not try to question this. When she normalizes and encourages this behavior, she does not realize she is doing anything wrong. She does not see herself as a bully. A bully does something to their victim. She didn’t do anything! Even if Rei was being bullied, it wasn’t her! Her friends chose to harass Rei. She did not tell them to do so. It wasn’t her fault.

When Rei flips that hourglass on her, she does not understand. She did not do anything. Yet Rei hurt her for no reason at all. That was bad, wasn’t it? This is painful. Causing someone pain is bad. So why has everyone sided against her? Why have her friends abandoned her? She was the victim here. Why was everyone being so mean to her? Everyone’s started bullying her for no reason. And of course she doesn’t get it. She didn’t know her friends were using her for her power. She didn’t know her friends were using her. After Muu’s reputation was tarnished, they found no more use for her. But she didn’t know they hung around her because she was “useful” (“I overheard; I found out how much I’m not needed.”) To her, it was an out-of-the-blue betrayal, and it hurt. Bullying someone is mean. How could they do this to Muu? She didn’t do anything. It’s not her fault. Everyone told her so.

She hates it here. She wants to cry and scream and she hates it here and she hates Rei. It’s because of Rei that everyone hates her. Muu hates doing embarrassing and painful things, and Rei threw that chair at her and now everyone laughs at her for being this stupid “vomit girl” and she hates it here and she hates Rei and she wants to die. Nobody wants to explain anything to her and she doesn’t understand any of it. She wants to try. If everyone’s calling her the villain, there must be a reason, right? Why won’t anyone tell her? Why is everyone being so confusing?

Maybe it is partly her fault? But she apologized. (From After Pain's MV, I'm pretty sure she was mouthing “I’m sorry” repeatedly. I’m not well-versed enough in lip-reading or Japanese to know what else she could’ve said, so I'm going with that.) When you do something bad, you apologize. Why won’t they forgive her? Why won’t Rei forgive her? What right does she think she has to walk away scoffing at her when she’s the reason Muu has went through so much pain and misery? She doesn’t even know what she did wrong! She just wants the hurt to stop! She wants her friends and her reputation and her life back! She wants it to go back to how it’s always been!

Es forgives her. She is reassured. It really was not her fault! She knew it all along! What a relief.

Es goes back on their verdict and declares her guilty. She is confused. Es does not tell her why they would do this after promising her to declare her innocent. How could Es do this to her? They promised.

How could Es kill Haruka?

Haruka said he would kill himself if Es didn’t declare her innocent. Es chose to go against that anyways knowing the consequences. They were the ones who chose to make that decision. Why was she being blamed? Why was she being made into the villain again? Why won’t anyone explain anything to her? It really gets on her nerves. Muu does not understand. No one helps her to do so.

Friendship is devotion. That is the only type of friendship she knows of. People adore her and they worship her. She is wonderful. She is above all. She is better than everyone. Why wouldn’t she be? It was what everybody said. She had no reason to not believe them. She was pretty, she was wealthy, she had amazing, admirable parents and she had it all. Haruka is her friend. Haruka devotes his entire life to her. It is simply how things are.

Friendship is lenience. You let your friends do what they want and they do what you want. It was mutually beneficial! She likes that. Muu’s friends bully Rei defend Muu. Haruka threatens to commit suicide protects Muu from a guilty verdict. And she lets them. It’s their choice, after all, even if it hurts someone. Even if it hurts her. She likes her friends. Her friends obey her and her friends laugh with her and her friends let her do what she wants, too!

Haruka means a lot to her. She likes him because he’s easy to make happy and she likes seeing him happy. She gives him her time and affection and in return Haruka will be her friend. She teaches him to write and recognize kanji, she praises him and she gives him the attention he so desperately craves, and just like all of her friends, he’ll listen to every word she says. He likes it. She is not using him. When people are being used, they usually don’t like that. He has the freedom to do whatever he wants. It’s not her fault he died. She didn’t do anything. Why do people keep saying she’s the villain? She doesn’t want to use Haruka! She likes Haruka! Exploiting someone is something wrong and makes others feel bad. Haruka chooses by his own volition to do what she wants, just like Muu does!

They’re both happy. They’re both friends. They both love each other. She just wants to be friends with him. Nobody’s telling her what she’s doing wrong. Everyone revered her. Everyone followed her lead and they’ve suddenly decided what she’s always done is now wrong and bad and how is she meant to know what’s different now? Why everyone hates her and has turned on her? Why bullying her is somehow righteous? How hurting her is so-called justice?

When people do bad things they get consequences. This is an easy thing for Muu to understand. Muu did not do anything bad, so when she’s bullied and harassed and ruined, she’s angry towards Rei, despite “causing Rei to be bullied.” She doesn’t understand the “revenge” and so it winds up being practically useless, with Rei being murderered in Muu’s outburst after being brushed off. Muu did not do anything bad, so when she’s declared guilty and her best friend starves himself to death without her knowing and the blame is put on her, she’s angry towards Es. Being punished does not help her understand.

When she is spoken to gently, kindly, and Es tries to understand her, she apologizes. She cries and she cries but she is not whining like in the first trial. She is remorseful. She understands, finally. Someone tried to understand her and they explained it to her. She knows what she did wrong. She’s sorry. She’s so sorry. She promises to try to do better. She promises to try to understand people.

She promises to learn to try.

milgram fans y'all better treat amane's story with sensibility. cult victims exist and see what you type

i see no reason to vote her guilty. amane did what she was taught by her own parents as right, the same thing they had done to her countless times ("so there is no second time, i'll give back the judgment that you gave to me"). her religion was the most important thing in her life, and she was taught that it's the reason for her existance. without it, she wouldn't have anything. also, cults brainwash their victims. amane was born and raised in one, been indoctrinated for her entire life, taught to worship the cult since day one.

her situation is similar to haruka, as in, it's the parent's fault before it's the child's. of course i am not going to absolve her of her wrongdoings— murder is wrong, what she did was wrong, but we have to take everything into consideration. just like es said: "each of you guys are the way you are because of your lives. i’m not trying to defend murderers— it’s just, when there are feelings and thoughts involved, i don’t want to just ignore it." you can't just say "murder is still murder" and call it a day in her situation. you have to take into account that she's a victim of abuse who acted accordingly to what she was taught as correct.

amane's mom is also a victim of abuse. ome of those "abused becomes the abuser" situations. nothing excuses abusing your child, and in the end she got what she had coming, but it's important to remember that too. amane is the way she is because of her parents (the scene where she turns into her mother in the mv makes it crystal clear) and it'd be unwise to dismiss the upbringing of a traumatized child when discussing her actions, as it can and definitely has influenced and affected her.

also, i think the scene in where amane's mom hands her the phone with the emergency's number already typed is very interesting. could she possibly be trying to pass the responsibility to her daughter instead of doing it herself, because she knew about the consequences? i think so. the cult's mentality was instilled in her mind so strong that she couldn't bring herself to break their law herself. if amane had done as her mother asked of her, she would be abused again, so it was a lose-lose situation. amane didn't want to kill her mother, she genuinely wanted to help her and was worried for her, so as she fell ill, amane started praying, 'cause it's what she was taught is right to do when someone is sick. but upon seeing her mother willing to break the cult's rules, even if indirectly, she became enraged as she realized that, if her mother, who always berated her for breaking the rules, could do the same so easily and without a care, then all of her pain and suffering was for nothing.

she didn't want to kill shidou either. she wanted to accept him, eat the pancakes he made for her, but once again, just like her mom, the cult mentality was too instilled in her. it's her entire reason of living, how can she throw it away so easily? so when she does attempt to throw her religion away, she creates a "new, better religion" in the shadow of her old one, because she can't live without faith. she has to cling to the existance of a higher being, a supreme truth, because it's all she knows. and she keeps the no medicine law in amaneism, because, as i said before, if she dismissed that teaching, all of the abuse she endured would mean nothing. she says it herself in the vd. honeslty i think that, while obviously not devoid of symbolism, amane's vd and mv were pretty straight-forward and showed everything very, very clearly.

but other than that ("she was abused", "she didn't want to do it"— which could technically easily be counter attacked with "it's still wrong", though as i said before, i dosagree with such a shallow reading), she is willing to change. no, amane is not "too far gone". and she is definitely not "putting up an act just to escape and then go brainwash and kill more people" (wtf did i read earlier?). she has very much showed doubt, regret, and asked es if it's okay to change, even if you've done something wrong. in a similar vein to how i felt about fuuta's t3 (i'm not comparing their crimes), to me the question is, does she deserve a second chance? and i think yes, amane deserves to leave milgram, take her time to realize her wrongdoings, process her trauma and heal. like es said, she's still just a child. she has her whole life ahead of her.

i've seen people say they're voting her guilty because they "don't trust her to actually change", but how would a guilty veredict help? milgram is a corrupt system, and no veredict is truly the best, morally correct choice we are led to believe— all of these people deserved to get psychological help and music jail won't provide them that help, but you can still go with the less painful option. we've seen what guilty veredicts do. right now, what you'd actually be doing by voting her guilty is only discouraging her from changing, not the opposite.