Incorrect Greek Myths

*Hera teaching Ares to drive and taking Dionysus along for the ride* Hera: That's a pothole. To the left! Ares: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole* Dionysus, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth. Ares: I don't think that's how the song goes. Hera, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home. Ares: Country Roads. Dionysus: To the place. Ares and Dionysus in unison: I Belong! Hera, crying harder: What the fuck?

Hades, watching Hermes & Poseidon panic : What's going on? Dionysus: Hermes is having a midlife crisis and Poseidon is just having a crisis.

Apollo: Hey Ares, I’ve got an idea for how to solve this. Ares, pulling out a shotgun: Yeah? Apollo: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, Ares!

Zeus: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant. Dionysus, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you. Hermes, who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please. Dionysus: Coming right up.

Apollo: Do you guys ever read the papers? Hades: Only the funnies. Zeus: Zeus: You mean the obituaries. Hades: Oh, potato, potahto…

Hades: Okay! Let’s play Kiss Marry Kill! Hades: First who would you kill? *Hera points at Zeus* *Ares points at Zeus* *Poseidon points at Zeus* Zeus: *shrugs* Fair enough.

Artemis: I bet you can’t make a sentence without the letter “A”! Athena: You thought you just did something there, didn’t you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon. Dionysus: Fuck you.

Artemis: Poseidon got into a fight. Ares: That’s bad. Ares: Ares: Did he win?

Zeus: So, you lied to me? Hermes: That depends on how you define lying. Zeus: Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it? Hermes: Um, reclining your body in a horizontal position?

Artemis: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Athena: Make lemonade! Artemis: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.

Artemis: *tapping fingers on table* Athena: *taps fingers back furiously* Hestia: …What’s going on? Apollo: Morse code. They’re talking. Artemis: -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . / -.. ..- -- -… Athena: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Hermes: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Aphrodite: 'Prettiest Smile' Apollo: 'Nicest Personality' Ares: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Hades: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Poseidon : If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window. Athena: ...We're on the ground floor. Poseidon : I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Hades: What’s something you guys are better than Athena at? Hera: Mario Kart. Ares: Yeah, video games. Poseidon : Emotional vulnerability.

Hermes: Wasn't icarly that guy that girlbossed too close to the sun because he was down for you, Apollo? Apollo: ICARUS?

Hermes: Dionysus, are you drinking hydrogen peroxide?! Dionysus: It says H2O2! That means it’s the sequel to water!