Rain Porral

SKATEBOARD

I remember how laughter filled the starry and cold night. It was a good day, except it wasn't. I heard ringing in my ears whilst my vision was fading in and out. Everything was all blurry and the blood in my veins pumped harder than ever. I didn't know what occurred as I lay there in the cold concrete, shocked and confused.

All of us hopes for a happy family. Staying together, worshipping and worshiping God as a family, spending time together both inside and outside the home, supporting and encouraging one another when issues emerge in the family, and most importantly, showing love to every member of the family. No matter how bad the family issue, it may be solved by sticking together, encouraging, and supporting one another. That is what I observed in Leron F. Aarons' film "Prayers for Bobby." This movie explores acceptance of LGBT people in addition to prayer, breaking away from religion.

On the 14th of March in the year 2020, I remember enjoying the last hours of my school. I was in grade 9 at that time. Hugs and tears were exchanged between my fellow peers as some will probably not see each other again and even in a long time. At that time, COVID came around all over the world. It was seen all over the news and social media about this virus that spread throughout China and how it arrived in our country.

It was shocking news for me. A virus? How come it appeared so suddenly and affected so many people at once? It was my first few thoughts as I was newly introduced to the news. The government issued a statement that a lockdown will be implemented and as far as I remember, it was by the end of March. At that time, I didn’t pay much attention to it. I only wanted to enjoy the last days of my school and enjoy my time with my friends. So I did enjoy my time, we went on for a swim as well as laughed and talked with food being delivered from McDonald's, it felt so euphoric to be with the ones you feel close with- with the ones you trust.

Although it was the last day, I didn’t cry. I felt satisfied to spend one last time with my dear friends even though I was not certain when we would see each other again. I hugged each one of them tightly and I remember thinking how thankful I was to meet these people who were accepting, understanding, and supportive. I was with them ever since the start of my junior year, they are the ones who truly knew who I was. I was also friends with everyone in my class and it was the greatest year ever for me that I have experienced in my entire life. 

As I was going home together with a friend, we hugged and whispered to each other how we would miss one another. I felt sad and at the same time happy that I got the opportunity to spend time with them without even knowing the future. I have learned a lot in that year although it wasn’t easy, it was very enjoyable for me. It was very memorable for me as everyday was filled with laughter and telling each other stories. The best batch that I have been included in and it’s one of the greatest blessings in my life.

I spent the months of my summer vacation doing nothing. Honestly, I didn't even remember what I did. I vaguely remember always taking pictures of myself under the setting sun with glittering makeup on my face. I wanted to look pretty and take a decent picture to post on my social media. I tried exercising but I was not consistent enough.

All those months felt like a daydream, no one was allowed outside. We were basically stuck at home and being minors and not having a quarantine pass, the only thing we are allowed to do is stay at home. Everyday I scroll through my phone, checking for the latest news around the world especially with the virus. The spread of the virus began to worsen and soon many were infected. I could not believe how dangerous this virus is as we can be infected without even knowing about it.

Face masks were required and a full body disinfection was a must when coming home. I didn't really do anything that would make my life exciting. The only thing that kept me happy was online shopping. Everything that I saw on my screen I immediately added to my cart. It’s funny how the pandemic made me a shopaholic. 

Besides being on my phone all day, I also cleaned our house. I swept the floor, mopped the tiles clean, wiped vases and ornaments, and many more. It is my weekly routine to clean every saturday. Cleaning the house during the pandemic gave me the feeling of peace as it took my mind away from things that I didn’t want to think of. Even though it was a boring summer, I was happy with the free time that I could get. After the months of vacation, it took a long while to be back in school but instead of being in a classroom, I was behind a screen.

Online classes were implemented at that time as a new learning module for the students due to the pandemic. Many were familiar faces and some were newly transferred to my school.  It felt new and weird, to be learning behind a screen. I find it very difficult to focus on my classes, a lot of things kept me distracted which affected my overall performance in my classes. It was hard for me to learn and adjust as well as keeping up with the class and trying to pass my activities on time.

Eventually I fell into depression, having trouble taking care of myself as well as trying to focus in school. I was also going through something with a problem at that time, it added to the stress and extreme sadness I felt. I cried and cried everyday, it didn’t get easy immediately for me. The only person who was there for me was an online friend that I trust so much even until to this day. She became the comfort and support when I needed it the most, a very important person in my life. 

After a few months, a family problem arose. My own father was cheating again and he was caught by my step mother. My family is broken and I never really grew up all happy, exactly how a child should be like. My childhood was not great as my half-brothers and step mother didn’t like me at that time but as I grew older, I understood why and how they felt. It wasn’t their fault that I suddenly came into their life as my dad took me away from my biological mother as she was neglecting me and my sister.

It was a rough experience along the way and although my father brought tears and hurt to our family, I still love him. He became what a father should be and he supported me and my sister to have a better education and a good life. My father does not ask for much as long as we know how to take care of ourselves and not be reckless. I am still thankful for everything in life and I consider myself as lucky. Life is difficult and there are always challenges along the way but as long as I believe in myself, I know that I can surpass it.

Grade 11 soon came and yet again another year of online learning. I already have gotten used to how online learning works and I managed to adjust just fine at the beginning. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be as I was anxious over the fact that I would not be with the people that I was with in my junior high school years. It felt so different for me and I wasn’t used to it. I eventually became familiar with my classmates and we also have shared moments together even though it is behind a screen.

After that, I have seen some of my classmates in real life and even had a sleepover with the ones I was close with by the end of our 11th year. It was a nice bonding experience to be able to get close to unfamiliar people. I am a sociable person but I do have anxiety most of the time when interacting with people. I think the pandemic made me this way, someone who did not want to interact with people anymore and communicate with them. I was enclosed in our home for 9 months and did not see new people and that’s how my social anxiety developed and even maybe became touch deprived hehe. 

Over the months that COVID had gotten worse, I saw a lot of people on the news declared as dead as well as a whole lot of families being infected. It broke my heart and I became scared for my family. My father was often outside the house working and he became mildly infected one time which thankfully was not that serious. Every time someone gets sick inside the house, we would be confined in one room to ensure our own safety in health. COVID-19 is serious and I am thankful to the Lord for protecting my family.

At the start of my 12th grade, I was not able to attend the first few weeks of school due to mild covid and being enrolled late as well. This time and this year, it was a hybrid learning. I felt afraid of what it would be like in real life to learn and interact with people as I got used to online learning. I soon became friends with a few seatmates and I also saw familiar faces, it made me feel relieved. Overall, face-to face classes were not a hassle except for waking up early in the morning to get ready.

I titled my Kabataan Essay as My Lived Momentus: Fors And Againsts as it relates to my experiences in life. Fors means the pros in my life that occurred to me while in a pandemic. I learned a lot even though I was confined in home, I also learned how to accept and love myself. For the Againsts, it is the cons that I have gone through which includes trauma and depression. I would not say that my pandemic time was a happy one but certainly it was also not a sad one, it is part of the process while growing up to learn and forgive yourself. 

The Beauty of Princess

I have been studying at the University of Perpetual for years now. I have completed my grade school years as well as graduated as a high school student. I am an alumni in this school and Princess is one of them too. I remember seeing her often in the hallways in our grade school days, laughing with her friends and running round and about. I have observed that Princess is an energetic and friendly person, that was my first impression of her.

I vaguely remember finding her a bit intimidating as I was a shy kid, too scared to start up a conversation with others. Princess is not the type of person that I would usually hang out or talk with, thus why we never really talked or became friends, we just saw each other in the hallways and exchanged hi’s and hello’s. Maybe it’s because I never really got to know who she was. That's why I came up with the conclusion that Princess and I would not likely be friends. It seemed to me that we were not on the same level. 

“May sinalihang org ka ba?” Princess asked me on my first day of school. Prior to the week before, I was absent due to covid. It was a surprise when I went inside our classroom and saw a familiar face. I immediately felt relief. Although Princess and I aren’t exactly close, it made me feel comfortable enough to know someone. 

Princess asked me if there was any organization that I have joined in our school. I even remember asking her multiple times to repeat what she said. My second impression of Princess was how she was easily-outgoing with other people as well as being active in school activities. The months that I have spent sitting inside our classroom made me realize how easy it was to talk with Princess. She always has that light, comforting feeling surrounding her own aura.

When it came to our activity and being partnered up in CNF, opening up to her about my own story was not a problem. I knew that I could trust her and knew how understanding she was. Immediately telling her my own story, she listened to me very carefully. Every ounce of words coming out of my mouth, it seemed she was taking every bit of what I told her. Princess is an attentive listener. She was also willing to hear my own story and interactively asked me questions she was curious about.

When it came to telling her own story, she seemed a bit hesitant and albeit shy at first. It was no surprise as Princess did not know as much about me as I do with her. We only really knew each other by names and each other’s faces. It surprised me how she easily opened up to me about her own experience in life. It was always a wonder to me what people exactly went through that wasn’t seen by others.

Princess talked about being unable to fit into society. She was trying to fit into the standards of our society. I immediately felt shocked, I never knew someone like her would go through such a thing. Then yet again, I never really knew about her and it’s bad to make assumptions about a person. Princess felt struggle trying to fit into the beauty standards as well as fashion or the choice of clothing that are trending nowadays.

Learning how to use make-up, learning how to dress properly, and repeatedly taking captures to gain perfection in  how to pose herself through the lenses of a camera- this is what I have gained knowledge about her. At first, I thought to myself how she was only following the trends of our generation but it was not like that at all. Princess felt insecure and wanted to fit in, so she did everything she could to feel that sense of belonging. Princess is pretty in general, without even trying to. I have observed how simple she looks but in an elegant way and I admire her for that. 

I associate with what she feels as I do the same thing too, just to feel like you belong somewhere somehow. It struck me how teenagers nowadays try their best to fit in as society. A higher standard level of physical appearance and the way one dresses over the years with new fashion trends. I could understand how Princess felt at the times where she couldn’t find herself to be in that social standard and became obsessed with make-up just to look decent. I guess in some way, everyone tries to be a part of something and in her case, it’s with the community.

The story Princess shared with me tied strings into my heart, it’s really a similar experience that I have gone through. I admire her for not letting herself lose confidence as confidence is the key to success is what they say. Overall, Princess told me how she learned to tell herself to not try to think about what other people tell and just focus on what’s important to one’s self. I have come up with the conclusion that we should not listen to other’s opinions and not let the experiences influence us in some way that might damage us. We all should learn how to love ourselves the way we are and we are all free to express ourselves.