Sometimes I wonder if the huge scrutiny and often dislike of Ursa (especially in the comics) is not only because she is an 'imperfect' mother, but also because she is shown through lenses other than 'mother'. Ursa's storyline as a victim of Ozai and the Royal Family seems to make people uncomfy. I don't see it discussed nearly enough as much as the same inane, pedantic discussion of "was Ursa a good mom to Azula/her kids".
And yes, Ursa is a victim, this woman was going through severe anxiety through a whole comic cycle and had a borderline panic attack just being in the Palace. Like. read between the lines.
[That last series of panels are genuinely so well done but also heartbreaking. Also I do like the literary device of presenting her cold hands as a 'tell' for her anxiety and fear.]
She clearly wasn't in a position to be able to refuse Ozai's marriage proposal. She's essentially only being placed in this situation as a breeding vessel to make super cool bordeline-eugenics babies. Despite this, Ozai, probably due to his own insecurities, is extremely possesive and controlling of her. There's a level of degradation and violation here that transcends even the bleak reality of most arranged marriages.
Listen y'all I know Ozai is sexy but let's take the 'oh no I belong to the hot prince haha noo🙈' goggles off, and acknowledge the horror of this situation. A forced marriage is already a form of violence, likely followed by dubiously consensual sex at best, and we know this happened to Ursa at least twice. She's been coerced into a relationship, isolated from her parents, friends and home, and used as an incubator.
This is kinda a crucial aspect of Ursa's character, and you cannot divorce it from her role as a mother. You simply cannot. As much as me may want Ursa to compartmentalise and fulfill her parental duty to the best of her ability, outside pressures be damned, that is a practically impossible ask. Especially since Ozai is right there, and actively sabotaging her attempts at parenting.
Like. I hope we can all agree that telling a child off and putting them in time out for setting their someone's pants on fire is a reasonable. But here, Ozai is actively undermining this parenting decision on Ursa by essentially rewarding Azula for doing this.
Children are more perceptive than we think and Azula is an exceptionally smart child. She has a fecent understanding of the relationships and power dynamics in her family, and she is aware that Ozai holds more power in the relationship than Ursa.
And I don't want to make Azula out to be this evil, manipulative child. That's not the case. Most children act out and do mean things. That's how they test boundaries. But, Azula has been taught that the boundaries Ursa sets don't matter.
Young Zuko: Not funny, Azula! You're sick. And I want my knife back, now.
Young Azula : Who's going to make me? Mom?
This is a flaw in the enviornment Ursa is raising her children in, something that she can't very well control. However, both Azula and the fandom place a huge empathis on Ursa's specific failings. From Azula's perspective, this is understandable. She's veen influenced by Ozai for years, and is not in her right mental state. Of course she will blame Ursa, because if she blames Ozai and the enviornment she thrived in as a child, it would make her ask uncomfortable questions about herself, as well.
From the fandom's perspective, this is a little more murky. Now, fandom spaces aren't exactly the hives of feminism I wish they were, and this is very visible in how fictional mothers are treated, which often reflects on how we percieve irl mothers. Mothers are, more than fathers, expected to give up their identities, to throw themselves fully into motherhood. If they excel at it, they may have the 'privilege' of being percieved as pleasant, supportive extensions of their partners and children. If they fuck up, they're malicious. Their identities outside of motherhood mean very little, neither do the circumstances around them.
This is a panel of Azula blaming Ursa for not allowing Ozai to kill Zuko and therefore leaving. While she speaks of Ozai turning her into a firebending weapon, and someone to be protected from, she blames Ursa for not protecting her from him. No blame is placed on the man, the person in power in this situation. Azula has always been aware that Ozai is dangerous, that he is fully capable of killing his children. She seemed convinced that Ozai would kill Zuko at Azulon's behest, she'd witnessed Ozai burn Zuko's face.
Yet, she blames Ursa. More than she ever blamed Ozai. Of course she does, she's been conditioned to just accept Ozai's perpetual danger as normal. Therefore, he is not in the wrong for causing harm to her. It is Ursa who is in the wrong for allowing it to happen, with Azula being unable to notice the impossible choice that had been placed in front of Ursa.
But the fandom isn't as lost in the sauce as Azula is, and we have access to much more information than she does. Yet still, we only analyse Ursa, discussing over and over if she was a good mother to Azula and Zuko, mulling over her morality constantly. Scrutinising her every word to her children without acknowledging the Mark Hamil voiced Elephant in the room.
Ursa is on trial for any minute detail. While we just accept Ozai as he is and expect Ursa to just. Properly parent her kids regardless. Nkt only properly parent, but also somehow completely and utterly shield her children from Ozai, to undo whatever harmful lessons he is inflicting on them, to be an "angel in the home" when the home is literally her hell. And that's how we get genuises like this, who claim that Ozai is the better parent to Azula. Truly the brightest minds of our generation are coming out of the woodworks on fandom discourse.
[The first line is also false, in Smoke and Shadows its stated Ursa and Zuko stayed in Hira'a searching the Forgetful Valley for weeks]
And this fandom's dislike of mothers being more than mothers is a pattern. Suyin Beifong and (to a much lesser extent) Pema from tlok recieved their lashings and have been called bad mothers and villanised for not fitting their motherly roles perfectly, or having other things going on in their lives (this last one is particularly relevant to Su). However, Poppy Beifong who was complicit, if not an active part of Toph's abuse as a child gets of mostly scott free, probably because she sticks very strongly to her motherly archetype.
If we want to go broader than that, recent hate towards Abuela from Encanto, Ming Lee from Turning Red and Celine from K-pop Demon Hunters for being mothers (mother figure in Celine's case) is very telling of this phenomenon. Compare this to fathers in media, who are allowed to have their complexities and have identities outside of their children without being chided and demonised for it. Nay, they are often praised for being nuanced.
I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that we've focused so much on trying to figure out if these women did their best in the situations they were in, if their best was enough, if they are evil for struggling with the odds placed in front of them... that we've completely neglected to take into account the worlds and people around them. I guess it is just simpler to single out a singular problem, a woman whom we can point at and pick apart, rather than try to wrap our heads around the systems and situations surrounding her. Wow, art does imitate life 😍
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