Review Of My Cat

Cat: Leo

Owner: Holly

Appearance: A

Leo has an actual mane. It was easy to pick a name for him because he looks like a lion and has a regal Big Cat persona. When I give him popcorn (partly as a toy, partly as a snack) bits of it get stuck in his mane and it cracks me up. He is a lot smaller than he looks because his fur is so fluffy. I'm hoping that when he gets out of kitten mode he'll sit still more often so he can begin the cat modeling career he's destined for. 

Sociability: C

Ninja cat. He has a small club chair that he has claimed. He likes to hide under it and launch sneak attacks to any being that might walk past. During one ninja cat hunt we actually picked up the chair to see if he was hiding underneath it, but we later discovered he was instead clinging to the side of the chair as we picked it up. Very clever. He is skittish when sought after, but when it's feeding time, grooming time, or play time he's very outgoing. Among the animals in the house, he's as neutral as Switzerland - which is a very smart social move. 

Usefulness: A

If "usefulness" means total kitten eye candy or instilling confidence in us that a mouse will never get past him, then Leo gets a high score. As far as petting / lowering our blood pressure he gets high marks because he's fluffy and has incredibly soft fur. He also makes us laugh quite often with his ninja hi-jinks. 

Huggability: C

If HE'S in the mood, he's very huggable. If HE'S not in the mood, a person doesn't stand a chance at a hug. 

OMG Prime Minister Pickles spent his Holidays autographing copies of the Review of My Cat book for his legions of fans.

Cat: Tako

Owner: Orion

Appearance: C+

(disconcertingly white eyelashes, and somewhat rough fur perhaps due to disadvantaged early kittenhood until discovered under dumpster behind St. Louis Taco Bell)

Usefulness: A+

(because he is so utterly charming in his sheer goofiness... And he gives kisses by deliberately bumping his nose in one's face, especially if you are trying to read)

Huggability: A 

(because he purrs on contact and dutifully drapes himself over shoulder when scooped up for impromptu emergency snuggles)

Cat: Allagash Alber Milkface Marshmallow-Paws

Owner: Julianna

Appearance: A+

Allagash is a stunning cat, especially considering that when she came into our lives she only weighed five pounds and had lost much of her fur. She is rather meticulous about her appearance as well and continually grooms herself, keeping her fur luxe and her toe-tufts reasonably white. She also looks smashing in a floppy bowtie. Since she has become an outdoor cat she has gotten some sun highlights in her black fur, but this does not detract from her beauty.

Sociability: D-

Allagash once rated a solid B in this category, behaving in a generally friendly manner much of the time and accepting the occasional bowtie. However, for reasons unbeknownst to her human caretakers or the veterinarians they consulted, a psychotic break rendered her much less personable. She will be purring and rubbing against your legs one minute and turn on you the next. She was forced to retire to Florida because of her unpredictable behaviors in my New York City apartment. She seems largely ungrateful to Kat, the human who nursed her back to health; while she often greets Kat with a headbutt, her ears then flatten and her sweet little milk-white mouth curls into a growl or hiss. She does seem to be more fond of Danielle and Jim, perhaps because of their general indifference to cats.

Usefulness: C

While Allagash's presence probably does deter vermin, her actual hunting skills are a little suspect. She has a large predatory drive, but usually works herself up so much that she hisses before she can pounce and alerts her prey to her oncoming attack. She is decorative, but provides little in the way of companionship or comfort.

Huggability: F-

Allagash receives an F minus in huggability because she looks like she should be so huggable. As the scar I still have on my stomach from her claws as she launched herself from my embrace can attest, SHE IS NOT!

Overall Grade: D

Cat: Precious

Owner: Jessie

Appearance: A

Precious was adopted as a rather heavy cat, but the internet has proved time and time again to love and adore these heavy critters. (Although she is on a strict diet) Her big round blue eyes and hard to resist, which I think would be her most redeeming quality.

Sociability: A

Precious demands the attention of anyone and everyone in the room. She will make little chirping sounds and jump into everyone's lap. She follows you everywhere. Everywhere.

Usefulness: A

She hunts and kills every pesky bug that flies in, which is a lot since we live right by a creek.

Huggability: A

Precious loves hugs. She doesn't give very good hugs back, indeed when she does try she usually gets way to excited and ends up biting you.

Overall Grade: A+

Cat: Fermina Daza

Owner: Rachel Avocado

Appearance: A

Let's be honest. Fermina Daza has a beautiful, expressive face.  She has the face of an angel.

Sociability: A

Fermina Daza is a diva in our house, and she doesn't really like to socialize with the other cats.  However, she loves me because I am her mom, and she follows me everywhere.  I wear teal a lot because it's my power color, so if other people come over and wear teal, she'll get confused and sit with them and let them pet her.

Usefulness: A

Fermina is really just a pretty face because she's kinda dumb, but in terms of the aesthetic qualities she brings to my apartment, I'd say she's very useful.  

Huggability: A

Fermina Daza or Mina is soft like a bunny, and I love to pet and hug her.  She loves hugs from me, but she'll scream if other people hug her.  

A+++ for Mina.

Overall Grade: A+++

Cat: Tango

Owner: Rachel

Appearance: A

Aside from being a bit of a pig and eating everything (food or not) so he's a bit pudgy, Tango is a very handsome cat.

Sociability: B

Tango was a shelter boy, so he's pretty much cool with anyone or anything that comes through the door.

Usefulness: C

Tango thinks everything is either a toy or a snack, so he's less helpful, more get-in-the-way-and-destroy-everything. But I have to give him a passing grade because he's so darn entertaining.

Huggability: D

Tango is cuddly on his terms - if my dad or I pick him up, he's wonderfully snuggly. My mom or my sister though, they get no cuddles. Strangers barely get to pat him before he takes off.

Overall Grade: B-

Cat: Mittens

Owner: Ruthy

Appearance: B

My cat is a Tuxedo Cat. Baby soft black and white fur coat, she definitely has a certain style to it. She dons a black cardigan with a white turtleneck. She has four white paws, two knee-highs in the back and two ankles in the front. Sometimes we call them her white socks! If you notice on her right hind leg you would see a black birth mark that's shaped perfectly like a square! What's more to love is the white sliver on the middle of her forehead!

Sociability: D

She's an introvert to describe it. Although She's lovable around the right people, ex. sisters, mom, boyfriend, roommate/her cat, she disappears like smoke before any huge social gathering. She's quite frighten of my friends and deems them all stranger dangers. One time I had a party at the apt and I didn't realize that she trapped herself by hiding in the cupboards beforehand! She tried to escape in a hurry but by seeing all those people she wasn't so graceful in jumping down, knocking everything over, and realizing both my roommate's and I's bedroom doors were closed she proceeded to jump back up into the cupboards! Poor thing was found in the morning back into a corner scared beyond it's years!

Usefulness: B

Mittens is a natural born huntress! I was a witness to her killing off mice one at a time, and to my disgust I saw her strip them apart like beef jerky. She's alert and acts quickly. She pounces and jumps high. The times she acts the most peculiar are the times I believe she's training to become a real-life jungle black panther.That or I believe there is a mosquito in the room and she's already notice it.

Huggability: B

Mitten's best quality! I have to admit that it took a long time to get to where we are in terms with hugging, put in some battle scars and scratches, but it sure was worth it. I demonstrated every single hug with her. Face to belly hug, burping the cat hugs, wrap my arms around from behind hugs, she just loves it. The best is when she snuggles in bed and falls asleep right in my arms.

Overall Grade: C+

Tigger

Appearance: A

Tigger is absolutely gorgeous, even if he does insist on blinking almost every time someone takes his picture. His fur is very long and a beautiful orange-gold color. He looks super fat, but really that's just fur. So so much fur!

Sociability: D

Tigger kinda sucks at interacting with most people. He'll beg for attention, scratch you, then wonder why you've stopped petting him. If you ignore him, he'll sit on your lap. From what I can tell, he's quite popular with the other neighborhood cats.

Usefulness: D

Tigger's great at being entertaining by making faces when you look at him. But he doesn't really like typical cat things like laser pointers or feathers. Sometimes he'll play with my shoelaces if I dangle them off the stairs. Not much of hunter. I'll often see him trying to catch pigeons in the yard, but never even coming close to catching them.

Huggability: F

If you pet Tigger anywhere but his head he'll freak out and bite you. Which means hugging is a no most of the time. Sometimes you can surprise him with one and he'll just look confused though.

Overall Grade: D

Cat: Foofy

Owner: Erin

Appearance: A

Lovely blue eyes, many stripes, silky soft fur. Has a charming head-tilt caused by an ear infection as a kitten and is slightly walleyed. There's also plenty to love, with Foof weighing in at just under 16 lbs.

Sociability: A

Loves to get attention from strangers because they're new and somehow my love goes stale. He's always where the people are, he's a social butterfly. Also loves to groom other cats, but that can quickly devolve into fighting if the groomee is not willing.

Usefulness: C

Pro at killing toy mice, however, fails to recognize live mice as prey.

Huggability: C

Doesn't like being held, he puts on a big fuss, but once you put him down he wants to be your best friend.

Overall Grade: B

Ike

Appearance: B

Ike weighs fourteen pounds, and is very soft and fluffy. He has very long whiskers - including eyebrow whiskers! - and lush ear furnishings. He is not what you would call 'gourmet.' He has pretty green eyes, and the vet has called him 'a big handsome boy' for what it is worth. It wasn't clear whether the emphasis was on 'big' or on 'handsome.' He would shop at Casual Male XL, but wouldn't need a mobility scooter. Get it?

Sociability: A

Sweetest cat alive. Cuddles, follows you around the house, sleeps on your face, greets your friends, gets along OK with the other cat, tolerates children, etc. Has always been very people-oriented, even as a tiny, pneumonia-ridden rescue kitten.

Usefulness: D

Not much of a hunter. Sometimes he will see a bug and engage with it, but he doesn't often have the inclination to follow through. Often poops outside the litterbox, sometimes comes when called. Good company, good conversation-starter. Overall, a mixed bag.

Huggability: A

Will take a hug from anyone, never scratches. He hissed once when I tried to take a piece of toast he had stolen off my plate away from him. He growled when my wife tried to take back a hard-boiled which he grabbed off the kitchen counter. I finished the toast; she finished the egg. He didn't learn anything from either exchange.

Overall Grade: B

Elspeth (Ellie)

Appearance: A

Ellie is a very beautiful marmalade lady-cat. If she could be trained (she can't!) she could leap onto the counter in televisions to accept a treat. High marks for overall aesthetic: she looks elegant and is very lithe and agile.  A classic feline.

Sociability: D

Pretty decent with our other cat, quite sweet with us, but absolutely horrible with strangers. She hisses and scratches and attacks the pant-legs of house-guests. She will climb into a stranger's lap just to hiss at them more effectively. At the vet, she needs to be sedated. Not a friendly cat.

Usefulness: B

Proven mouse murderer and all-around rodent deterrent. Intense prey drive - will pursue flies for hours, will pursue slight nicks in the paint that resemble flies for days. Incredible vertical leap. Can conceal herself anywhere. Pretty resourceful - can open cabinets and accordion doors, and will shred cat food bags if they are kept in containers with reliable seals. So, for a cat, pretty useful.

Huggability: D

She will accept, and even seek out chin scratches and pets from us, but never from anyone else. She will tolerate being picked up, but only by us, and only for at most 30 seconds, often much less - and will scratch to be put down at no moment's notice.

Overall Grade: C-

Cat: Orange Kitty

Owner: Lindsey

Appearance: B

Orange Kitty is a generally handsome lad; he is capable of both stunning nobility and adorable ineptitude. Despite his name he is approximately 70% white, with ginger tabby stripes down his back and tail. Possessing a physique that can best be described as "meaty," OK can also pull off one hell of a stink eye.

Sociability: B

Orange Kitty generally prefers the company of humans--any human-- to that of his feline housemates. His favorite activities include: rubbing his face on stuff, insisting upon sitting in your lap when you're trying to accomplish important tasks, and pretending to stalk and kill prey (i.e., blankets) as he no doubt did in his misspent youth as a feral kitten. He is loved by all who meet him, even those who claim they are dog people.

Usefulness: D

Though he serves as an excellent electric blanket in cold winter months, Orange Kitty is by most standards entirely useless. I once had an intruder in my house and he did nothing to warn me. If I wanted to rise at 5:45 AM every morning I suppose he would make a good alarm clock; instead his practice of scratching his food bag until I wake up falls under the category of "things that make me want to donate my cat to charity."

Huggability: A

He is almost always down for a cuddle. AND he still looks good the next morning.

Overall Grade: B-

Cat: Nose Cat

Owner: Lizz

Appearance: B

Nose is incredibly soft - his white fur is very white and his black splotches make him look a little like a cow. He has four black dots on his left ear and a heart shaped spot on the back of his left foot. He has a sort of goopy eye from a corneal injury he acquired while abandoned outside (before we saved him) and a saggy pouch from being spoiled. His eyes are an intense yellow. He is very smiley.

Sociability: D

I am allowed to interact with him as much as I want - and he encourages a lot of attention. My best friend is allowed to interact with him as much as he wants. No one else is allowed to even come into the same room as Nose.

Usefulness: F

Nose Cat is great at sleeping and waking me up by patting my shoulder. He is very good at sitting in the window. He is very bad at doing anything else.

Huggability: A

As soon as I come home, he purrs and loafs until I wrap my arms around his rounded body and press my face onto his head. He loves to be hugged.

Overall Grade: C-

Luna

Appearance: A

Luna is absolutely GORGEOUS and she knows it. She has incredibly thick silver-grey fur, bright green eyes and the insides of her ears are pale pink. She loves posing for pictures, too.

Sociability: B

Her sociability kind of varies. Right now she's either on heat or pregnant (we're not sure) so she's VERY sociable, to the extent that she sometimes has to be shut out of rooms because she will just climb all over me and walk all over my laptop keyboard. She's also kneading like mad and has recently started drooling when she's extra blissed-out, which is a little gross. While she's normally fairly friendly, she does have stand-offish periods when she's not very interested in being held or stroked.

Usefulness: F

She likes to catch things, but she actually started a mouse problem rather than ending one by bringing mice into the house and accidentally releasing them. She also brings in her fair share of adorable, bloodily murdered woodland creatures, including the classic row of seven decapitated baby rats under a radiator (which caused a delightful smell).

Huggability: B

At the moment, it's more of a struggle not to hug her, since unless you shut her out of the room she absolutely will not leave you alone and lies across your arms when you're trying to type. When she's not on heat she can be a bit wriggly and resistant to hugs.

Overall Grade: B-

Cat: Cosette

Owner: Abbey

Appearance: A

With a perfect little triangle of a face, a sleek tuxedo coat, and a tasteful yet elegant white star on her forehead, Cosette might be one of the most objectively pretty cats I know. In fact, we've told her she's pretty so often that I'm fairly certain she's grown up believing she is some sort of haughty and glamorous actress from the 1940s.

Sociability: D

On the one hand, Cosette is fairly tolerant of human contact--she'll let you pick her up or pet her or play with her, and will only bite lightly if provoked. On the other hand, she likes her space--she'll hang around in the same room to keep an eye on things, but if you want anything resembling affection you have to approach her yourself. As for other cats, she's extremely wary and territorial, and will keep constant watch from a safe distance until the intruder is removed.

Usefulness: F

Cosette has a deep fondness for leaving all manner of messes around the house--usually of the regurgitated sort, though on one memorable occasion she urinated on my sleeping sister's feet. She's also an outdoor cat, so we've been treated to the partially digested remnants of our local wildlife population on many an occasion. Besides gracing us with her presence, I doubt that she's ever made a positive contribution to the household.

Huggability: C

If you catch her off her guard, she'll tolerate a few moments of cuddling--and she is definitely one of the softest and nicest-smelling cats I have ever hugged. But soon enough she'll start whining and trying to nip at your arms, and you'll have to let her make her escape. Of course, none of that has ever stopped me.

Overall Grade: D+

Cat: Kitty

Owner: Victoria

Appearance: A

Come on, you can't resist those cute little mitten hands and blue eyes!

Sociability: A

Kitty is one of the most sociable cats I know, and I am not being biased. He likes to sit on laps, cuddle under blankets, rub his face on the pencil you're using, etc.

Usefulness: A

He is useful in the fact that he is really fun to play with and hang out with. When people come over, Kitty helps avoid awkward silences by being cute and a topic of conversation.

Huggability: A

Again, mittens. He is also gets really fluffy and soft. When he's not being fluffy, he is shaved like a lion and is incredibly soft.

Overall Grade: A+