3.5.2025
How are we here! 3 months of Conrad here. 3 months of being a mom. 3 months of learning how to be a family with a baby! Even though he's in a sleep regression, I'm feeling overly sentimental and just overjoyed with love for my boy.
There's one half of me that is eager to clear the clutter and put things away and another half that can't seem to part with some of the clothes and toys. My heart sinks as I take a whiff of a onesie too tight. I'm also transitioning away from breastfeeding/breast milk. It's the most bittersweet experience of my life. I need to return to work and that requires 100% of my time while I'm there i.e. no time to pump. I also really would like to not feel tied to the pumps. I have loved being able to nourish him breastfeeding in the nights or for a snack in the day. I have loved looking into his eyes, giving him a bottle of my milk, whispering "I made this just for you!". But it's time to exit the newborn bubble and truly embrace life as a new mom.
That also brings such excitement and joy as Conrad gets to engage with the world in a new way. Less tied to our home and on the clock with my pumping and feeding schedule. We've started visiting local spots like the museum or botanical garden and I've loved seeing his eyes open wide at the new sights and sounds. Even smells! I stuck each piece of my mandarin cutie under his nose on our road trip. His eyes confused but curious. In the next month, he will likely be all formula and perhaps even begin cereal which allows for me to be fully present with him and be the mom I know I can be.
As a teacher - one that has worked in early childhood and special education - I am just so excited to create the opportunities to learn and have fun. We just started reading books and that feels like a special milestone! As he becomes more engaged with the activities I create for him, I am reminded that this journey out of breastfeeding gives me more freedom to explore new activities and not feel peak exhaustion while playing with him.
Again, it's all so bittersweet. Embracing one exciting new chapter means saying goodbye to one that was so enchanting. I already get weepy about my 6am mornings with him watching Based on a True Story. Adrenaline is impressive! Now I can barely open my eyes at 8! I'm tempted to keep his bassinet in the room until (maybe!) another baby. If I move it, it will remind me of all the early moments. I can't bare to face it!
Three months means I'm out of fourth trimester. It means that phase is done and while it was draining, I'm devastated. I'm giddy for what's to come, terrified of the future and also just a pile of mush thinking about the love and experiences I went through as a new mom with this little guy and his dad by my side.
