"you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

                        “ not in your JOB DESCRIPTION. ”    just because she’s got some power, doesn’t mean she has that much power.    and bellamy KNOWS it.     if she could really relieve him of his duties or reassign him, he’d have been gone a long time ago. and yet here is IS.    “ guess you’re stuck with me. i won’t get in your way. ”

                         he knows the look in the fallen king’s eyes, he figures it was in his own when he believed that octavia was gone. hell maybe he’s wearing it now, maybe he’s more broken how that he’s ever been. because he’s had clarke, he’s always had clarke. and now? now he’s lost her, and it won’t be long before he loses everyone else too. and all he wants is it all to stop, to hear nothing except her voice. god he wants to hear her voice, because she’d KNOW how to make this hurt a little less. she’d know what to say. and now he’s never going to hear it again.                            “ she loved you, she chose you. ” his voice is broken over the words, and he’s never said it out loud. but roan had to have know, clarke had to have know. bellamy wore it on his sleeve, in his eyes when he looked at her. he’d felt it for long that loving clarke was just a part of who he was, and he’d never even said it. he’d never said it because she looked happy in roan’s arms. “ and you killed her. ”

                        it HURTS to lift his head, but he tries not to show it.    his skin is covered with the MARKS of the latest battle, and it’s nothing compared to whats going on in his head.    but he sees her in the doorway and pulls on a weak smile that makes his skin ACHE.      “ hey, o. “

                        he doesn’t TRUST her, he doesn’t exactly like her either. but right now he’s sure of only ONE thing, and thats that she cares about clarke and that’s all that matters.   because he knows HER, he knows the things clarke will do, he knows what she has done already.    NIGHTBLOOD, fucking nighblood.    and that’s why he’s on the radio now, trying to contact the one person who might be able to STOP clarke from doing this.   “ lexa, come in. ” 

                         he’s here to collect his sister AGAIN.     he knows she’s here, got a text from one of the few guys in this frat he can STOMACH saying that octavia was passed out on one of the couches.    he has a suspicion that on the couch isn’t where she spent most of the night. it makes his blood BOIL.    not because she’s having sex (though he’s not overjoyed about that either) but because she’s doing it while pumped FULL of whatever pill or drink has been handed to her with guys who don’t respect her, who don’t deserve her. on top of that they both know it’s DANGEROUS.                           it only takes a few minutes to find her sleeping form. he bends down slowly, brushing her hair away to reveal her sharp features.     his sister is beautiful, and all he wants it to PROTECT her, but he can only do so much when the danger is herself.   “ time to wake up, o. ”

                         “ whatever you say, PRINCESS. ”    he doesn’t like being assigned to guard sick bay, doesn’t like the little blonde who’s as privileged as she is pretty.   it’s too far from home for him, too far from being able to watch over octavia, but he has no choice.   so here he stands, having given up on his usual well kept distant and respectful manner with her.    because she’s been on his nerves for WEEKS. 

                         oh, he knows the look in the KING’S eyes, he knows what the man wants. because he’s wished for it himself a thousand times over. he is no stranger to the desire to die, to looking into another’s eyes and welcoming their hate, because it cannot match your own. he doesn’t know if he’s taken more lives than roan has, doesn’t know much at all about the ice nation king’s life before they came to the ground but it doesn’t matter. because at some point, the number stops mattering, because there is already SO MUCH blood on your hands, so much weight on your shoulders that one more death only really matters if it’s the one which breaks you beyond repair, beyond function, beyond anything.                             the man before him is as broken as any he’s ever seen. he’s as beaten down as any and bellamy has only hit him once. he wants to do it again, wants to make him bleed, but he already knows. he knows roan won’t fight back. because he wouldn’t. and the men who love clarke griffin have somethings in common.                               “ you put her out of her misery? ” bellamy reaches for the gun at his hip, chest aching with every breath. it’s wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong, and when he pulls the weapon he doesn’t know what he intends to do with it. but his hand moves, lifting it to roan’s head. his jaw trembles as he speaks, his hand as he presses the gun to roan’s temple. “ you get to live with yours. ” and then he’s dropping the weapon and taking a step back, his face still twisted in pain. 

                         there was a time when he TRUSTED murphy, and a time when he hated him.   both have since passed.   now bellamy looks at the boy and see’s someone as broken as himself, with one big difference.      bellamy cares about keeping his PEOPLE alive, his own life be damned. murphy cares about keeping himself alive, the lives of his people be damned.    or so bellamy thinks, but then there are moments when he sees something ELSE.    something in murphy that make he TRIES to hide.    bellamy doesn’t know what it is, and he’s not the type to search his own soul, let alone someone else’s.                           “ someone could mistake you for a grounder. you should get INSIDE. ” the words are rough on bellamy’s tongue, but their meaning isn’t so harsh. he wants to keep the kid alive. he wants to keep them all ALIVE.

        “ this isn’t about ME. ”    and maybe he’s a little bothered she’d think it was, because he hasn’t given her a reason to since the first few weeks when they hit the ground.   when he asks something of her, it’s for their people, because that’s all he’s going to allow himself to ask for.    she says she NEEDS him like it’s supposed to COMFORT him.    he doesn’t want her to need him, because the people who need him get let down.   the list is too long, and she shouldn’t be on it.    clarke griffin is something too strong to be wronged by the likes of HIM, he just wished she knew it.    “ just...    be careful clarke. ”

like this for a starter tho