HOW TO PROVIDE SUPPORT TO SOMEONE OPENING UP TO YOU:
When someone you love trusts you enough to tell you about their struggles and past traumas, your response can make a significant impact on their healing process. Remember, that your role is to support, not to fix. Be a safe space for them to share and heal.
Be present: Put away distractions and focus entirely on them.
Show engagement: Nod, maintain eye contact, and offer verbal affirmations like “I’m listening” or “That sounds really hard.”
Acknowledge their feelings: You can add that “It’s completely natural to feel that way given what you’ve been through.”
Avoid diminishing their pain: Refrain from saying things like “Others have it worse”, “You’ll get over it”, “At least it’s not…”
AVOID GIVING UNSOLICITED ADVICE
Focus on listening: They might just need to vent, so let them.
Always ask before advising: Questions like “Would you like my thoughts on this, or do you just need to talk it out?” can help you communicate more effectively, allowing them to guide the conversation based on what feels most helpful to them.
Let them share at their own pace. Healing takes time, and they shouldn't feel rushed or pressured to reveal more than they're comfortable with. If you want to know more, just wait for it.
Understand the complexity: Supporting someone through trauma involves educating yourself on its various impacts and manifestations—mental, emotional, and physical. Take the time to learn about trauma-informed practices to approach discussions with empathy and respect.
USE NON-JUDGMENTAL LANGUAGE
Avoid blaming and naming them: Don’t imply that they are at fault or should have acted differently, as it only adds pain and guilt to the already often shameful experience - it's not helping.
Don’t make jokes to "lighten up the atmosphere": It can be perceived as dismissive and can worsen their feelings.
Don’t make it about yourself: Avoid indirectly criticizing them by making their struggles about your own experiences, viewpoints or how you would handle their situation, like “I would never do that.”
Be supportive: Use phrases like “I’m here for you” and “You’re not alone in this.”
Don’t pressure them to share more: Let them control how much they reveal, and support their need for control over their narrative.
Respect their privacy: Respect their trust by keeping their confession private unless there’s a risk of harm.
Ask how you can help: “What can I do to support you right now?”
Follow through: Be reliable and consistent in your support.
Maintain a supportive tone: Focus on providing a safe and comforting environment. If they need help with tasks or just someone to be there, make sure to show up.
ENCOURAGE PROFESSIONAL HELP
Offer assistance: Let them know you’re here to support them, whether they decide to pursue professional help or not.
Suggest professional help: If they seem open, gently introduce therapy or counseling as a supportive option for addressing their challenges.
Set boundaries for yourself: Balancing support for others with self-care is essential. Set boundaries to protect your own emotional well-being, and ensure you have your own support system too.
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