ʜᴀᴘᴘɪʟʏ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ.

❛on a scale of one to ten… how illegal do you think doing this is?❜

❛okay, but, consider this: i don’t care. i’m gonna do it.❜

❛there are certain moments where i consider you someone with brilliant ideas and a good future. this is not one of those moments.❜

❛how hard is it to do a wheelie on a motorcycle? how many feet can you go, doing a wheelie, without crashing?❜

❛it’s three in the morning and i’m bored and you’re the only one awake. let’s break into a gas station store.❜

❛WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT FILL UP A “SUPER BIG GULP” CUP WITH 5 HOUR ENERGY AND CHUG THE WHOLE THING. MY HEART HAS EITHER STOPPED COMPLETELY OR IS BEATING SO FAST THAT I CAN’T FEEL MY OWN PULSE.❜

❛is it a bad idea to use mountain dew instead of milk in your cereal?❜

❛i heard if you suck up enough helium, your voice starts to sound really squeaky… wanna go buy some balloons?❜

❛can you cook bacon with a hair straightener? asking for a friend.❜

❛yes, i did beat him up and i will not apologize.❜

❛complaining helps the situation, like, not at all.❜

❛ This is our eternity. ❜

❛ I was never good enough. ❜

❛ Will you be the death of me? ❜

❛ I’ve been drowning in questions, over and over again. ❜

❛ Just look at me and say goodbye. ❜

❛ I know you’re by my side. ❜

❛ The only promise I could make you is that my promise is a lie. ❜

❛ I don’t know how I’ll get through this. ❜

❛ My beautiful liar, why are you crying? ❜

❛ I love you for always driving me insane. ❜

❛ Can I give you just a taste? ❜

❛ I don’t need you to save me. ❜

❛ You’re dangerous, so keep your distance. ❜

❛ I’ll tell you exactly what you want. Teach you to behave. ❜

❛ Come on, inside my room. ❜

❛ I would walk through flames for you. ❜

❛ And in your hate, I find love. ❜

❛ I’m not gonna change. So stay out of my way. ❜

❛ Can we run away now and hide from tomorrow? ❜

❛ These voices are killing me. ❜

❛ All my life I was afraid to die but now I come alive. ❜

❛ It’s been a beautiful tragedy. ❜

❛ We wanted peace but you brought this war. ❜

❛ I’ll be the best you ever had. ❜

❛ You’ll never know what it is you’ve done to me. ❜

❛ We’re not gonna stop tonight. We’re gonna burn this city down. ❜

❛ I know that I can survive this. ❜

❛ I don’t want to wake from this. ❜

❛ You know where to meet me and you know just what I need. ❜

❛ Don’t try and stop me now. ❜

❛ I’m so tired of you telling me how to live and what I should not be. ❜

❛ Take me away tonight, just me with you. ❜

❛ Let me hear you scream. ❜

❛ I crave excess, turning wine into sweat dripping down my neck. ❜

❛ You’re cutting into me. ❜

❛ There’s just something about you. It feeds the addict in me. ❜

❛ It’s haunting, that hold that you have over me. ❜

❛ Release me from these memories. ❜

❛ Let me tell you how I want it. ❜

❛ I know how this will end so I’m turning away now. ❜

❛ Why does fear dominate when all we want is peace? ❜

❛ I’m only here for one thing. ❜

❛ You and me. We’re gonna be alright. ❜

❛ There’s a look in your eyes, I know just what that means. ❜

❛ I feel you growing closer. I feel you in the air. ❜

❛ These memories run through my veins. ❜

❛ You never once have doubted me. ❜

❛ I’m the person you’ve been thinking about. The one thing you can’t live without. ❜

❛ The strong will fight and the weak will run. ❜

❛ You love me for everything you hate me for. ❜

❛ I found a world where we are free. ❜

❛ You know I’m always there with you. ❜

❛ I love the way you dominate and you violate me. ❜

❛ It’s true, I was waiting for a sign. ❜

❛ You won’t forget me. I will haunt you until the truth unfolds. ❜

❛ I’m the one that you need and fear. ❜

❛ Tell me why we’re lying here on the floor. ❜

❛ I am falling down the rabbit hole. ❜

❛ Endless days and nights I wait for you. ❜

❛ You’re so pretty, dripping sin. ❜

❛ I’m just what you need, the perfect disease. ❜

❛ You don’t know how hard I fought to survive. ❜

❛ I still believe in the good and I still believe in the light. ❜

❛ You left me there alone. ❜

❛ I’ll have you down on your knees. I’ll have you begging for more. ❜

❛ I was my own worst enemy. ❜

❛ Take me, pull me all around. Break me, I’m yours. ❜

❛ I’ll taste you until I can’t. ❜

❛ You’re beautiful and sick like me. ❜

❛ I want you biting down on me. ❜

❛ You’ll still love me. Dead or alive. ❜

❛ I am the misery you crave and you, you are my faithful enemy. ❜

❛ I’m yours to have and to hold. ❜

❛ No matter where you run, you cannot hide from me. ❜

❛ Is it sick of me to need control of you? ❜

❛ Even in these chains, you can’t stop me. ❜

❛ What I would give just to be with you. ❜

❛ I thank you for the moments of your life. And never giving up on me. ❜

❛ You run through my veins. ❜

❛ Stay the fuck out of my head! ❜

❛ There’s nothing I won’t do to show you, I would sacrifice my dying breath for you. ❜

❛ Let me sleep away these memories within. ❜

❛ Shut your dirty, dirty mouth. ❜

❛ Baby, go ahead. I’ll be the villain you can blame. ❜

❛ Hello, are you listening? Can you hear me? ❜

❛ They will never know all the blood we shed. ❜

❛ We knew it was meant to be, but never meant to last. ❜

❛ The wrath of your hate has returned. ❜

❛ Not even death could take me away from you. ❜

❛ I am your sinner, I am your whore. ❜

❛ I know you had to go, it’s my war not yours. ❜

❛ Even if the world ignites into flames, you’ll be right here by my side. ❜

❛ We have to end the hate. ❜

❛ This sufferings my blessing. ❜

❛ You’re gonna listen to what I say this time. ❜

❛ Determination is pushing me. Perseverance is what I bleed. ❜

❛ I’m drowning in solitude again. ❜

❛ You don’t know the torture. You don’t know the pain. ❜

❛ I still can see your eyes believing in your love for me as you watched me die. ❜

❛ The time has come for me to say goodbye. ❜

❛ I wanted to believe in you. ❜

❛ These faces come and go and all I do is think of you. ❜

❛ I hate you for the way you smile when you look at me. ❜

❛ You think if I bleed, it can save you. ❜

❛ As your sky starts to fall, you realize you’re standing alone. ❜

❛ This confession is killing me again. ❜

❛ Take my hand, show me the way. And never bring me back here. ❜

❛ I know you’ll never understand me. ❜

Then, just when he thought they could both simmer in silence for a while before dozing off, Jongin spoke of days he honestly had no interest in remembering, only because the feelings then didn’t pertain to the way he felt now. He had loved Jongin once upon a time, had cared for him more than a lover should ever have to, but both of them had agreed at some point that it was another bridge they had to cross. Woobin pressed a hand to his face, sweeping it down lethargically. “I was never mad at you,” he clarified. “I cared about you, Jongin, and when people care too much, they fret, and that can often be mistaken for being… angry.”

He couldn’t recall a single moment he had ever lost his temper with the other male in their past arguments–not a single incident. Maybe frustrated, but never to the extent that Jongin probably thought.

Woobin closed his eyes, resting them until he felt Jongin’s frame tremble beside him, the shaky grip around his arm causing enough concern for the older male to glance his way. He knew this “talk” was bound to happen sooner or later but he hadn’t expected Jongin to sound so broken over this, over him, and the fact that they had both moved past a mutually terminated relationship. If anything, he had expected himself to be the more invested of the two, while Jongin continued without a care in the world fraternizing with different, new lovers.

Then again, he was drunk. Perhaps if Jongin had approached him in a sober state, Woobin would have felt more inclined to believe his crocodile tears. 

“He treats me very well, Jongin,” he said, although he knew there were some aspects of his current relationship that weren’t perfect. “And no, he’s not like you.” Was he better? How could he even compare the two? “He doesn’t get into as much trouble as you do,” he spoke after some thought. “I don’t have to nag at him as much, but it doesn’t matter, Jongin. You and Chanyeol are two different people and I loved you and I love him for very contrasting reasons.” His lips pursed pensively when he was asked a question he knew he couldn’t avoid, and Woobin had always disciplined himself to be true to himself. “Yes,” he admitted honestly. “I missed you, Jongin. You don’t even have to ask.”

One hand came up to paw at the other’s chest, eventually coming to rest on his ribcage. The thudding beat of his heart made his own flutter; a continuous, steady beat that helped calm his nerves.

“Not like me...?” Therefore, rather, in Jongin’s mind, he was better. Slowly, he shook his head, trying to rid himself of his horrid thoughts. Whoever this man that had stolen his ex-lover’s heart had to be wonderful. They had to be an angel compared to him. How could Woobin want anything different...?

“Chanyeol,” he repeated, trying to swallow down the sour taste in his mouth that came from speaking his name. “That’s his name...? That name sounds sweet,” he lied through his teeth, nodding a little before growing quiet to meditate in his own thoughts.

As his hair was touched, he froze, recalling past events just like this. It was empty - almost like the ghost of something that once was. “Of course I have to ask. Why would you miss me when you have a wonderful perfect angel...? You said yourself, I’m nothing like him. I’m trouble, he’s not,” he murmured before moving a little, the light from the moon catching the elder’s face as he shifted to get a better look at him.

This was risky - things shouldn’t go this way. He shouldn’t be hanging on to something that once was, but something in him forced his hand. Something had to be said, and his drunken mind had the perfect idea.

The situation was vastly different now and the sound of Jongin’s voice was nostalgic, but it played an unfamiliar tune on his heartstrings, one that he had forgotten after falling in love with his current boyfriend, Chanyeol. The more he thought of his lover, the more inclined he felt to fake a snore, just to avoid further confrontations with the other male, but that turned out to be easier said than done.

“Jongin,” he sighed, rolling lazily onto his back and squinting at the moonlit outlines of his frame so enticingly hovering over his mattress. He should have expected Jongin to disobey his order to stay in the guest room overnight, but he hadn’t, almost having forgotten how Jongin usually processed whatever he would say without a grain of obedience or thought. “Yes, I am now,” he mumbled grumpily, knowing if this situation were to transpire the way it had always transpired, Jongin would be the first person he’d greet early in the morning when it shouldn’t be. The guilt welled up even heavier in his gut when he folded back the outermost corner of his sheets to invite Jongin into bed with him, figuring just one night wouldn’t hurt, if it was to be the last.

‘At least he’s covered from neck to toe,’ Woobin convinced himself that this was even remotely a bright idea. It had helped, at least, to dress Jongin in sleepwear that was much too conservative and over-sized to slip any opportunity for the younger male to show skin. He wouldn’t have known what to do with himself if Jongin had worn something more revealing like a pair of underwear and a flimsy shirt.

Immediately, Jongin slid into bed with him, relishing the softness of the sheets as he curled into his side. The action, once so familiar, felt foreign and strange to him. Though the sheets were warm as ever, his body felt cold as ice. His hands reached out for the elder, winding his arms around one of his and resting his face on his shoulder. Warmth radiated from his soft skin, and on top of other reasons, he felt the need to come closer to it.

“Define better,” he murmured, rubbing his flushed cheek against his skin. For a moment, he was quiet. Which was entirely odd for him - it took a lot to shut the boy up. The notion of moving, even to just take a pill that would help him in the long run, was out of the question. He needed to savor this moment for as long as it would last.

Suddenly, with thoughts that usually only haunted him when he was alone or hammered jammed in his mind, he decided to run his big mouth again. “Remember when we used to do this all the time?” he started, quietly, tentatively. “One of those times you weren’t...weren’t always mad at me for the stupid shit I’d done...We could just lay like this,” he whispered, as if it was a sin to even get the words off his chest.

He sighed in defeat when his ex-lover insisted on shrugging off his damp clothing in one shameless gesture, almost having expected that, all things considered. Jongin was Jongin, after all, and if the other male hadn’t been at all hesitant about visiting him at nearly three in the morning, he was sure stripping completely nude was also likely to be done without the slightest trepidation. Even though Woobin was “familiar” with Jongin’s body and he wasn’t drawn by the lustful curiosity of seeing someone naked for the first time, he still felt an urge to peek that he repressed for the sake of showing some courtesy for a lover he was no longer passionate with. At least, not in that manner.

His trained self-control kept his gaze steady on the other male’s face, not allowing it to slip any lower than shoulder level for fear of not being able to stop. It worked, only because the angle of his view kept the bathtub conveniently in the way of his wandering stare. “Did you come here to flirt with me, Jongin?” he questioned with a dry sigh following. It was a rhetorical question because he knew the younger male most likely had some ulterior motives, but it was also a cruel reminder that there were boundaries he expected Jongin to respect of their relationship, or lack thereof.

He wouldn’t ever admit, however, that Jongin’s coy teasing was catching him off-guard here and there, reminding him of days when he had been all Jongin had needed, or so he had foolishly thought. Dismissing the memory with a quiet scoff, he picked himself up. He didn’t need to overstay his welcome; plus, he was sure Jongin was fully capable of bathing himself without the need for his supervision. “You can stay in the guest room overnight,” he said before he left for his own bedroom down the same corridor. “Be a good boy. Try not to make a mess.”

One hand raised to push back his locks, revealing his flushed face and sculpted features. Droplets of water fell down his skin as he stretched once more, letting out a soft moan as his back popped. He hummed a little, resting his elbow on his thigh and his chin on his palm as he thought over his answer. Truly, he didn’t come here entirely to flirt, but it was in his nature. Being friendly, letting the occasional compliment slip here and there, and making inappropriate gestures what was what made Jongin...well, Jongin.

“No. But...you do make it hard for me not to flirt with’ya,” he said casually, like it was nothing. “I already tol’ you why I came here. I. Missed. You,” he spoke slowly ( more like slurred ) as if Woobin was the one who was too drunk to comprehend simple words.

“Yes, sir,” he chimed as he watched the other leave, unabashedly letting his line of sight falling to the man’s ass when he stood. Force of habit, really. “Can’t promise anythin’ ‘bout messes, though.”

Once the door was shut, he set to the task of clumsily washing himself. It was a half-assed job, but he managed to eliminate the thick scent of menthols from his skin and hair as well as the alcohol in his pores. When the bath water grew too cold to bear any longer, though thankfully, it sobered him up a little, he exited the tub, surprisingly remembering to let the water drain. After toweling off, he dressed in the clothes laid out for him, though they were entirely too large, and he stopped for a moment. A pang in his chest was brought by the scent of the shirt he donned, the realization that there would be no more of these moments hitting him harder than he’d expected.