feel free to change any pronouns, etc. || may contain some nsfw!
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
“If I want your praise, I will ask for it.”
“You are threatened by me.”
“Y’know what, I feel sorry for you, because y’know what you’re gonna have on your deathbed? Nothing and no one.”
“We are happy… So happy.”
“[Name] and I are just two people who weren’t supposed to fall in love, but did.”
“Why aren’t you taking notes?”
“Okay, I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, but I’ll do it.”
“People need to think that we’re in love.”
“I can pretend to be the doting fiance, that’s easy.”
“We just got here. Can we wait two seconds before we throw the kitchen sink at each other?”
“[Name] and I are getting married.”
“How a man proposes says a lot about his character.”
“This woman’s about as subtle as a gun.”
“I call it the baby maker.”
“Those are the pajamas you decided to bring to [location]?”
“If you touch my ass one more time I will cut your balls off in your sleep, okay?”
“It was a little bit of a shock to find out that you’re getting married…”
“I feel sorry for you, [Name].”
“If that’s what makes you happy, [Name], I got nothing to say.”
“Y’know what, apology not accepted.”
“[Name] can be a bit overwhelming at times.”
“Haven’t slept with a man in over a year and a half…”
“I went into the bathroom and cried after [Name] called me a poisonous bitch.”
“You really haven’t slept with anyone in eighteen months?”
“Out of all of that, that’s all you got?”
“You are a very, very beautiful woman.”
“Are you wearing makeup?”
“I’ve had [number] birthdays, I don’t need another one.”
“They’re not gonna find out, it’s okay.”
“It’s not like we’re gonna be married forever- We’ll be happily divorced before you know it.”
“Mind telling me what the hell’s wrong?”
“I just needed to get away from everybody.”
“Would you mind telling me what’s happening now?”
“I forgot what it was like to have a family.”
“I’ve been on my own since i was [age], and i forgot what it felt like to have people love you.”
“I’m… I’m just screwing it up—”
“Your family loves you, you know that?”
“I don’t think that hijacking a [vehicle] is a proper way to express your frustration!”
“What the hell were you thinking? Could’ve gotten yourself killed—!”
“[Name] is never to hear about any of this.”
“See you in the morning?”
“Turns out it’s not so easy to ruin someone’s life once you find out how wonderful they are.”
“What were you thinking?”
“Let me get my head on straight, okay? I’ll explain everything later.”
“Well, that was, uh…crazy.”
“She just makes me a little crazy.”
“So you’re just gonna let her go?”
“I think I’m having a heart attack.”
“You two need to stop fighting.”
“Well then, the spirits can take me.”
“Scared the hell outta me…”
“I have a little favor I need from you, buddy…”
“Sorry, man, there was nothing I could do…”
“I used to dream about you getting hit by a cab or poisoned.”
“I told you to stop talking.”
“Things changed when we kissed.”
“Trust me, you don’t really wanna be with me.”
“See, the thing is, there’s a reason why I’ve been alone all this time. I’m comfortable that way.”
“I think it would just be a lot easier if we forgot everything that happened and I just left.”
“Aren’t you supposed to get down on your knee or something…?”
“I’m gonna take that as a ‘yes’.”
“He still hasn’t warmed up to her.”
“You can tell by the way she drinks a soda-pop that she’s a good dancer.”
“Could you do that again in English, please?”
“What’s her favorite color when she’s not at home?”
“What relevance does a ball in a net or a Fruit Roll-Up or a Pop-Tart have to do with my relationship with [Name]?
“Is this a game show? I don’t understand what…”
