Res Annoying

Recently I saw a comedy club use this in posts (yes, that’s plural) on social media. I can only assume they are doing too much business, and have decided to irritate away any comedy fans who might be lurking around.

I was today years old when saying ”today years old” got old.

Here is the kind of things that annoys me often. Why is this a post?

Besides all that, you're creating a hobgoblin: a mysterious reified entity that stalks the internet, striking who knows where or how. Its ways are mysterious to us. And, there are of course no non-algorithmic pieces of code that might malfunction anywhere online, right?

Thirdly, there is absolutely no point to this preamble except to say that you're about to speak. We don't need that. Context is not a new thing. It's not like when you're watching a movie, you're constantly yelling at the screen "WHY ISN'T HE INTRODUCING HIS THOUGHTS WITH SOME HELPFUL CLUES ABOUT WHOSE THOUGHTS HE'S CONVEYING?" (This falls into the "just saying" category).

Do you shun the "-tion" in "vacation" (that was painful word play, but I am still kind of proud of it)? Why? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Are you too damn busy to say all three syllables? NO, YOU'RE TAKING A WEEK OFF. You know who has the luxury of saying all three syllables of vacation? You do. Lap it up. Enjoy it. Drag it out.... Because otherwise you sound like an older dad trying to sound hip to his middle school son's friends.

Drive a car into a crowd, kill a lady, and flea the scene wetting yourself? You must be real tough guys. I don't care what happens to you cowards. Climb off the top of your sister and go suck a radish, you nazi shitbags. You're on the wrong side of history AND Indiana Jones. You're the sort of people who claim to love the country, just not half the people who live here, or the ideals it was founded upon, or its laws or constitution, etc. You're the sort of people who thought Inglorious Basterds was a horror movie. You're the sort of people who see Urkel as a threat to your way of life. You're the sort of people who want nothing foreign on our soil -- except your skin color and your European ideology. You're the sort of people who can't watch any sports, because there are too many skin tones -- except NASCAR, and we all know how much you losers love driving away from things....

Uggghhh. "Chaise longue", it's pronounced "shezz long", it is French. It literally means "long chair". Now, pronouncing "chaise" as "chase" is understandable, if not accurate (and it bothers me a bit, like when someone says "ver-sales" for Versailles). BUT WHY IN THE HOLY NAME OF GODDAMN WOULD YOU REARRANGE THE LETTERS IN "LONGUE"??? WHY? Oh, and for gods sake don't correct me, when I say it correctly, to match your hillbilly, ignorant, bs, muddling through any and everything in life, stupid pronunciation.

There are two scenarios: you hire a firm to manage your social media and THEY quote you, in which case you might need to give them feedback "Hey the general public already assumes it's coming from me, the quotes are unnecessary." OR you don't have a firm that manages your social media, you're just authentically a jackass. Next level: when the person attributes a common saying to themselves as they quote themselves. "As I always say 'Murphy's Law'!" No you don't. Shut up. (Co-write with @drusiph)

You have seen Holy Grail 1,000 times, but not everyone else has seen it. When you're watching it in a group with people who may have never seen it, don't ruin it for them. Trust me, the people on screen have better delivery than you.

Ugh, can't you hear the smugness from just reading it? Well, here's some more smugness for you: PRETTY MUCH EVERY DAMN WORD IS OPERATIVE. THATS WHY WE USE THEM.

This is a plain and simple case of running something into the ground: It's not inherently annoying, it's annoying because it's been used too much. Today, it was in a Garfield strip, for Christ's sake. Do I need to say anything else to explain how unfunny this has become? Garfield!