meep the peep

When I first found this side of the internet; I just graduated HS and was insecure, fat, ugly (as if any of those things have changed) and about to go to college. I thought “oh this is FANTASTIC!” Get thin and hot for the college boys AND feel bad about myself with other ppl?awesome! And wouldn’t you know it, I developed a mild case of 3d. It didn’t turn into a full blown case but it was enough to where I counted kcals out the whazo and became freakish about food.

Eventually, after a year or two, I started to focus on school and things got a little better and my mind shifted away from tumblr. But as I’m becoming older I’m like spiraling more and more and have this urge to gain ANY sort of grasp on anything I can find. There’s nothing in my life more than I want to find joy in than achievement. Weight loss, being skinny, being beautiful, is a major achievement.

I have a good job, I have a lovely family. I have a good bunch of friends. I love my two pets. But that’s it. I have nothing else. There’s nothing else for me but this. I need this. This is it for me. I’ll make of this what I will and have fun with it. I’m not taking everything too seriously. I’ll have my bad days where my brain will implode on itself and I’ll wallow in my own corruption and sadness, but on other days I’ll be remembering why I’m alive and who I keep striving for, my loved ones and those that I care for.