repertoire365

Well, day 7 is here...which means my first weigh in!

I was ECSTATIC to see I'm down 8 lbs.  WOW.

I've been working hard at moving more, and I've been working even harder on watching what has been going in my mouth.

It's paying off!

I'm feeling better.  Both physically and mentally.

Just making the efforts to care for myself have made my days have a more positive spin.  I'm already finding that I'm more patient with the kids and more easy going when things go wrong.  I think that when I'm not taking care of myself, I'm so aware of that fact that I'm mad at myself, and it affects my reactions.

I'm really excited to keep on keeping on. 

It’s been a good day!

I’ve been working out a lot and decided today would be my rest day.

Well, after sitting around and watching tv, I found myself super restless. I wasn’t really focusing on what I was watching and if dawned on me…I was craving exercise!

Now for some of you that is normal. For me, it is not. Lol.

So, with my resolution to prioritize myself more and do more things to add happiness to my life, I asked my husband if he could occupy the kids for an hour or so. I suggested picking up some groceries :). He was a bit annoyed I think, but I didn’t take the bait….I just thanked him and helped get them out the door :)

I just finished a 43 minute Turbo Jam workout…and I am happy and sweaty.

Oh! I also started using a Fitbit a week or so ago. I’m just getting the hang of it, but it’s fun. I’m a numbers kind of gal.

Have a great Sunday everyone! I’m back to work tomorrow after a super relaxing 17 days off. Sigh.

It’s been a  hard year.  I was sidetracked late last spring due to some health issues with my family.  I was SLAMMED.

First, my young, seemingly healthy, and amazing sister suffered a stroke at the age of 41.  

One week later my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

I just lost it.  I live 3 hours away from both of them.  I was stressed and heartbroken and lost.

My husband’s depression also spiralled out of control over the summer and he’s still in such a delicate state of recovery.  I’ve been officially financially supporting my family of 4 for over a year and a half now, and it’s hard.

I appear to have everything in place.  I put on the strong face and I support everyone around me.  I make sure the kids have everything they need and I try my best to make sure they don’t feel the affect of their dad’s depression too much.

My mom and sister are doing well.  Both seem to have gotten their health back.

Myself?  I’ve been in what seems like a protective hibernation for the past few months.  

In the late fall I started to take care of myself a bit again.  I got a mentor at work.  I made a HUGE leap and accepted a new position elsewhere at my University after being in my role for 16 years (my entire adult life).  I’m now one month into that new job, and it’s scary and challenging and good.  I’m glad I’m doing things to seek out happiness for myself again.

I started working out again a bit a month or so ago as well.  Baby steps.

So now, I’m back on here for further motivation.

I know what I need to do.  I know I can do it.  But I need help swimming through the stresses of my life at times.  It’s so hard to take care of myself when I feel such pressure and responsibility to take care of everyone else around me.

So I will now commit to doing my daily posts again.  I’ll start the count all over again.  So today is day 2/365.  

I've had a horrible week.

I've gotten some really bad news at home.  News that just totally tipped my cup.  For those that don't know about the stress cup concept...here it is:

As someone experiences stress, they start to fill up their cup.

Most healthy individuals have methods of releasing that stress, whether through exercise, conversation, therapy, hobbies etc. and their cup gets dumped pretty much every day.

For many of us, the stress just keeps coming.  The cup gets more and more full, and after that cup being filled to the rim for a while, all it takes is for the smallest drop of stress to make it overflow.

Well, I'm overflowing.

And instead of finding the strength in me that I can often rely on, I just stopped everything.  I had 4 days of cocooning.

I stopped eating healthy (didn't go crazy...but didn't really care either way).

I haven't worked out all week.

I stopped journalling in myfitnesspal.

I haven't logged into this site since Friday.

I haven't touched water...and started drinking diet pop again.

And the worse thing is that I've been miserable.  I've been snippy with the kids.  I've been grouchy to my husband.  And I can guarantee you it was all because I was so mad at myself for how I was behaving.  I knew I was acting like my old self.  I knew I wasn't taking care of myself.  I felt myself slipping back and I was pissed off at myself.  But that awareness didn't make me do anything about it.

I'm really fighting with myself to realize that it's just a few bad days.  I know it's persistence not perfection.  I know I need to let go, forgive, and start again.  But I'm having a hell of time doing so.

Thanks for letting me rant.  I'm going to go fill up my water cup for the first time in too long.

Day 44, Feb 13th -  Do you ever nap to make up for lost sleep?