For as small a being as they were, Ren swung with the full force of their rage. And Nano took it, the impact throwing him down into dirt, head smacking the earth with an audible crack. His vision blurred -- not in the way that had time overlapping, but in a way that felt very present. Real. Nano considered staying down, giving in, permitting Ren to take his life the way Nano had Alex's. And Madge's. And Edison's. Or perhaps Ren would leave him there, and the Nurse would have him. He wondered if Conny was alive when she'd been strung up the flagpole. If he would be too. Would they share the last final moments? Have the same skyline of the camp, ablaze and upside down, forever imprinted behind both of their eyelids?
Sacrifice. That's what it was, what Conny had chosen. For him. For him. To die now? To give up and render the gift of her life meaningless? When there was a greater movement at hand -- life-changing, world-altering work worth everything? Work she had known about. Work she knew needed to be done. The voice from earlier -- still disjointed, unclear -- was right. Conny wouldn't want that. She -- her, her memory, her dying wish -- deserved more. Nano pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, head swimming, but here. Almost here. Too here. Too hot, too much smoke, too much pain in his head and his leg and his lungs. He spit into the dirt, wiping the residual blood from his mouth.
Sacrifice. That was what she wanted now, wasn't it? What the nurse had sought out all along? Nano could feel her, drawing nearer, looming close. And it all began to collide again in his mind. For a moment, he was covered in leeches, smacking into the water, hands around his neck in the grass, fingers lacing string, ice water weighing down his clothes, a crack upon impact, fist to the face, falling, falling, fallen. Nano was reading the nurse's diary, knelt beneath the cabin's overhang. He was looking up at Roe, staring at the sigil, her mark in his skin. He was sitting beside Edison's corpse in the Caretaker's cabin, the pieces falling into place. And something else -- something else clicking. Breaking. Coming back together not quite right. In her image... In his mind.
I'm better at the killing part than I'd like to be.
Me too, Nano thought, grasping the hilt of the knife, turning to lunge, to sink it into Ren's chest, to make this final sacrifice.
As soon as they threw the punch they regretted it: Their thumb had been curled into their fist, untrained, not for lack of trying on anyone's behalf, but training versus using tools in practice always had a learning curve. A crunch sparked from Ren's thumb and ran up through their arm as soon as they connected to Nano's jaw. They were back on their knees, not sure which injury to cradle, undamaged hand hovering between their shoulder and their thumb that no longer wanted to unfurl.
That had been the mistake, though, their attention pulled away from the boy they'd been so desperate to save, couldn't let someone else die. But what about themselves? Where was their self-preservation, dead and buried with Collier and Juliana? The inattention gave Nano the chance to strike: The knife sunk all the way into Ren's chest and they stopped...everything. Breathing. Worrying. Feeling. Thinking. Crying.
Sound sucked away from Ren – none of the crackling of the wildfire, none of their breathing, nor the crunch of the nurse's footsteps as she joined Nano's side, admiring the work of her protégé. Eyes wide, Ren looked from Nano down to the knife and back up to her former ally. And then everything came back – too loud, too bright, the blade in their chest burning through every last atom. Reflexively, both of their hands came grip at the knife, and their lips moved helplessly, not sure how to take the betrayal. There was a shake to their lower lip as they struggled to plea, "Nano – Nano – don't, please, I'm sorry – I didn't mean to."
But then the nurse pushed Nano aside, her impossibly tall body slowly folding down to eye level with Ren. Even from the disjointed angle her head hung at her face was foul, flesh threatening to slough off, sticking to the bone; too many teeth, a deep yellow, caked in rot, sharp and threatening to sink into flesh. The nurse put her hands around her crooked head and then snapped it upright, looking eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose.
"Ssssacrifice."
Ren tried to get up, then a jolt echoed through their body as they felt their muscles tighten around the blade, hilt deep. A sob ripped from their chest and they shook their head, using the palms of their hands to pull themself backward as fast as they could, trying feebly to flee the inevitable.
The nurse flashed forward and her hands found a purchase on Ren's throat, hoisting them into the sky. Ren began to weep and beg openly as if they could bargain, ask her to take Nano, but it looked like the deal was struck. "Don't," Ren choked out, hands clawing at the massive ones holding them, legs kicking out to get some kind of leverage. Then the Nurse's grip tightened and Ren felt everything begin to get hazy, legs giving up, fists weakening in their effort to get free, "No – no – please –"
And then there was a crack. A body going slack, dropped back onto the ground. A cannon.
