I'm cringe but I'm free

the wind and storms he fought against on his way to refuge had been nothing but a small nuisance in comparison to his endless internal turmoil. now that victor was gone, adam had truly lost all he had once known. all that remained was a never-ending journey of wandering until he found his next temporary home.

it came sooner than expected. four days, five nights, and adam had found what he believed to appear like a familiar sight.

the small cottage, secluded from all else, looked eerily similar to one he had once called home. it brought horrid memories, made him retract to himself as his heavy steps towards it continued.

despite his better judgment, he continued his path. his body ached for rest. it had not known peace for moths, not as it continued chasing after his creator, not after it delivered torturous harm to victor in his aim to make him listen. it had been months since he'd last laid to rest, surviving on minimal rations of food and attempting to overcome the frigid weather.

he did not allow himself to ponder on the consequences of his presence. he entered the empty shed next to the cottage, extracted heart pounding as if it were his own as he walked in, steps familiar to those he'd taken right before meeting his first friend.

thoughts of the old man plagued him as he left the warmth consume him. his tired limbs dropped down, body laid in defeat inside the empty refuge as emotions began to overtake him. he patted his head in an attempt to comfort himself, traced his own cheeks in a similar fashion as to how elizabeth had done, but none of it brought him true peace.

emotionally hurt and physically maimed, adam allowed sleep to overtake him. fear was not something he truly knew, — not from others, only towards himself — so the ability to mind any possible dangers that could've been near had left him long ago. he hadn't bothered to check for inhabitants of the cottage, nor had he truly minded if he awoke to a shriek and yet another attempt on his life. he hoped the next one would be the decisive one, but let his eyes fall shut knowing that would not be the case.

-

slight commotion arose him early in the next morning. his ears had grown attuned to the smallest of noises, his body usually able to travel whilst he avoided creating these noises on his own. his steps fell silent, unlike those of the owner of the cottage.

from his secluded corner in the shed, he had no view of whoever was on the other side of the wall that connected the two structures. the low sound of their steps didn't tell him enough, didn't inform him of the sort of reaction he'd get if he were to make his presence known.

from his limited experiences, he'd come to know that men had a more brusque reaction to his existence, often opting to attack and attempt on his life. women, on the other hand, usually shrieked in terror, terrified of what the monster might do to them.

even the reminder was enough to make him shiver. despite growing used to such treatment, it never became easier. the loneliness slowly ate up at him, amplified now that he knew that every person he ever esteemed was gone from this earth; each being somehow at his own hand.

his thoughts were interrupted by the sudden knock of a wooden door, followed by a few harsher steps and the consequent screech of hinges. he rushed to the door of his refuge, peeking through the small opening that allowed him view of the entrance of the cottage. it was a reminiscent act.

there, he was met with the back of a body. a male, victor's age, or perhaps a little older based on the limited view he had of his side profile.

but the man was of little consequence to adam. it was the person standing before him that caught his attention, that caused his breath to catch and his mouth to open in a silent gasp.

it was a woman. her body was adorned with a dress, one of lesser quality than those he recalled seeing elizabeth don. even from the small distance, her hair appeared soft, as did her skin. he could feel the texture of her touch even as he grew unfamiliar with human contact in general. he found himself reminiscing on the feeling, aching for it without meaning to.

there was an immediate effect in seeing you, in seeing the worry in your eyes. there was fear in them too, as you looked to the strange man who'd come knocking on your door. it caused an immediate reaction in adam. it pained him to see it, made him want to remedy it, created that monstrous feeling inside him he had let fester upon his wish to take revenge against his creator.

that same rage had died as soon as he'd forgiven his maker, ultimately forgiving himself too.

but that look in your eyes, it brought it back.

"why must you chase me into my home to bother me so?" were the first words adam ever heard from you.

there was a desperate whisper in your words. he wanted to hear more, but wished for the distress to leave your tone.

"it's early in the morning, it's most improper for you to be here-" you continued, interrupted.

the man took a confident step forward as he spoke, your flinch at his proximity either going unnoticed by him, or simply uncared for. his voice carried a similar air to confidence as did his demeanor. adam was unfamiliar with such a feeling.

"you must know all forms of impropriety, must you not? living alone, nearing the age of a spinster, hiding out from proper society," he began, voice a bark as he went on, "the village speaks of your impropriety, of the malice you must carry chasing away your one and every suitor. you should consider yourself lucky i remain one of the last willing to conform with your sinking stature in society."

suitor.

adam had heard of such a term a few times before. the various books he'd read during that winter spent with the old man had spoken of romances, as he'd called them — they delved into these ideas.

spinsters, suitors, courtship. the terms ranged from unfamiliar to not, but somehow he still understood. society had levels, standards to be upheld. he understood his place in society, finding himself alone at its best hidden corner.

but you? a lonesome woman, carrying beauty as you did, it made no sense to adam that you'd receive such tactless treatment from this unknown man. and against all prior experience, he found himself immediately understanding why you'd chase away suitors such as this one. victor didn't deserve elizabeth in the same manner that this man didn't deserve you.

you lived alone, he understood by then. your separation from society was a personal choice, as stated by the man. adam had a hard time understanding why one would wish to condemn themselves to loneliness. it'd haunted him from the day of his conception, promising him a life of secluded misery. but he did not dare judge you, not when your peace was disrupted in the way he was currently witnessing.

you cleared your throat, hands gripping at your door, keeping it from fully opening in some form of defense against outside dangers. adam wished to rid you of this danger, be it a man, a wolf, a monster such as himself.

"i do not wish to marry a man in search for the hefty dowry my brother intends to settle. i will live alone until i find a suitor who may carry the burden of life with me, not one who may add to it. i ask you to leave me to my recluse state," you mustered out.

though your voice wavered slightly, adam sat in awe at the commanding tone your voice had taken. this was a choice. your loneliness was the result of undeserving company. this, he could understand. it sparked a hope inside him, one ridiculous and dim, that perhaps he could be worthy to keep you company.

he clenched his fist and lightly tapped it against his temple upon the mere thought. such things were not meant for him. he was not supposed to allow his imagination to take him there.

the man scoffed, making adam frown. he did not want things to escalate. he'd be forced to act, to ensure your safety while giving himself away. he'd be recreating painful memories in the name of a woman he'd only just met. one that had no awareness of his existence (and was better off as is).

"you wench-" he huffed, "i will only hold so much patience for your insolence! your good breeding will only bend a man so much! i will give you until the end of the season, or you shall meet the consequences!"

there was a slight feeling to his words that struck adam. the threats, the lack of understanding. it brought him back to his every engagement with his maker. it made him recoil in your name while also causing that fury burning in him to grow.

upon his last words, the man marched away, huffing as he left you standing there, eyes wide and breath heavier than it'd been upon first opening your door. adam disliked the deterioration in your demeanor.

when you closed the door, you sighed and went further into your home, causing adam to silently chase after you from within the cottage. he crawled akin to the creature that he was and followed the sound of your movements through the wall. he was fortunate to find various ridges along the walls that allowed him a view upon your person.

there, he was met with your form as you walked further inside. you looked crestfallen, peace disturbed and demeanor low.

suddenly, a small figure jumped down from a surface out of adam's view. it crawled on all fours, heading in your direction. despite its sudden appearance startling adam, it looked inoffensive enough to not spark worry in him.

"god, it- i cannot believe he followed me here, kitty! this place grows less and less safe with the passing of days," you spoke to the creature, not pausing as you if you expected no response, "perhaps the presence of a man would help. i continue to struggle to cut the wood that keeps us warm- and the wolves will begin their return as winter rolls around. the men may also stop coming around if i take in a suitor of my own, but," you rambled, suddenly passing and letting your body slump back on a wooden chair, "there is no kind soul in that village who i could possibly gift myself to."

the critter looked to you quizzically, emitting a soft sound that formed a smile on your face.

"you are right, kitty. the one will come. i just need to keep us afloat in the meantime."

the critter made its sound once more, drawing a laugh out of you. it made adam's heart stutter.

foolishly, he caught himself drawn to you. his affections immediately grew, heart soaring for your lamentations, aching to remedy each and every one.

from that day on, adam selfishly remained hidden in your emptied shed. the circumstance made his heart ache, far too similar to the days in which he cared for the old man and his family. the aftermath of such events drew a saddened sigh out of him.

but, even then, he could not bring himself to put his feelings above yours.

you were his to care for, he'd decided. he'd be selfish. he'd aid you without your knowledge, foolishly hoping that one day he could provide you with the same protections a suitor would.

with the passing of weeks, you felt his presence.

at the beginning, you were unsure as to the source of the sudden aid in your daily life. small tasks were completed before you could even ponder in taking charge.

the wood was consistently cut and laid upon your doorstep, your cow thoroughly milked, eggs from your chickens gathered, wolves out of sight.

and, somehow, visits from suitors had seized for the time being.

on your occasional voyages to the village, you'd continue to receive attention from the men seeking your hand. your brother allowed you to look past them, to stay in the small manor isolated from all other society as you awaited for a suitor of your liking. you were lucky in that regard, but the incessant proposals did unnerve you any time you made your way back to society.

it had, however, been a while since that particular nuisance had followed you back home.

whispers of a strange presence began to circulate shortly after the various improvements to your life mysteriously arrived. you didn't care for town gossip (as it pertained to your person on occasion), but this in particular had caught your attention.

the tale told of a lumberjack. a hunter, maybe? or perhaps a lonely traveler. it spoke of the trails of dead wolves, the series of chopped down trees and sudden lack of fish in the pond near the village — at this, you recalled the basket made of twigs you'd found outside of your home full of fish, the lack of wolves, the perfectly chopped wood.

it was after that you truly noticed him; a shadow tethering around the edges of your brother's secluded property.

nary a soul wandered about these parts, with you being its sole inhabitant.

you'd awoken one early morning before the sun had risen. and when you wandered inside your home, you'd found yourself at your window, peeking out and finding a peculiar sight in the near distance.

a large figure covered by various layers of mismatched hide sulked around, chopping wood from trees a few meters off your land. the distance, combined with his face coverings, did not allow you a proper look at your mysterious angel, but you did not need a better look to become enamored by him.

you watched from afar for a small while, saw him go from task to task without as much as breaking a sweat. he gathered water from a well, picked berries, collected wood, somehow managed to milk your stubborn cows, ultimately dropping off every collected item just near enough to your home that there'd be no confusion as to who the collection was meant for.

the figure was big, overwhelmingly so. his brown locks covered the small amount of freed skin upon his face, keeping his eyes mostly out of sight. but in the few instances you managed to catch a glimpse, you couldn't bring yourself to look away.

there was a peculiar shine to one of his eyes, glowing in the same manner kitty's did late into the night. but even this strange feature did not deter you. his heart shone through his actions, his demeanor decided yet dejected. it made you ache inside. you wanted nothing more but to lure him into your home, to take him in and show him your gratitude in whichever manner felt proper upon having him in your vicinity.

his acts of kindness were acted upon with a selfless nature. there was no way for you to catch onto who took such good care of you, resulting in his work going thankless. it made your heart soar, made you ache to open your home to him and make him your official caretaker; to care for him in return.

you felt shame burn through you then.

it was entirely improper how you felt towards the unknown man. you did not know him from adam. but even then, the feelings flowering within you were there. no man, no being had ever cared for you in such a way. your parents, long gone, did not respect you enough to give you independence (which, unfairly, most ladies did not possess). your brother, although he allowed your liberty in the small abode secluded from society, did not show much care past that. the many suitors chasing after you held no respect for you, guided by a mixture of lust and a greed for your dowry.

this man, however, did not know you. he was a recluse, maybe even more so than you. he aided you, expecting no thanks in return. your every fear of danger had alleviated solely due to him. you felt a greed towards him that you never had before.

that emptiness within you dissolved with the passing days. ever since that first day you'd spotted him from a distance, you'd fallen for him. he was the wholeness you'd been aching for ever since fleeing the nuisances proper society provided you with.

you did not wish to scare him away, unknowing of the proper manner in which to approach his person. but you could not take any risks.

his demeanor alone told you about his past wounds. he carried himself guarded, body slumped over in needless shame, shy approach to friendship as he kept himself hidden from you.

what had broken you the most had been an instance mere days ago.

you'd taken up to watching him through your window, — only allowing yourself a few minutes in order to conceal your knowledge of him lest you scare him away — cooing at the way he'd approach your cows, how he'd occasionally have a trail of bunnies or rodents following him around.

it was during one of these early mornings that he'd accidentally knocked over a pole near your corral. his flinch broke your heart, the small, almost inaudible whimper leaving his lips destroyed your insides. the hurry in which he went to fix his error made you itch to run to him, to assure him that an accident was not deserving of his broken up demeanor, that he'd saved you every single day and that he could undo it all and you'd still take him into the warmth of your home.

but you remained inside, fighting with yourself about how you could approach such a delicate creature without scaring him away.

you wished to hear of every hurt he'd been through during his days alone, aching to remedy the furrow of his brow, to annihilate every aggressor he'd met in his life.

adam was ashamed.

weeks upon weeks, he'd remained in your shed, a consistent shadow in your life.

although your lonesome life was quieter than what he'd grown accustomed to while watching over the old man's family, he enjoyed the company you unknowingly offered him. your one-sided conversations with your cat (a creature he had only then become familiar with) proved to be all the interaction he needed. he listened intently, hanging onto your every word and finding a smile forming on his face at your mere voice.

his immediate infatuation with you worried him at first, made him bow down in shame and occasionally deny himself the ability to see you by venturing into the woods after finishing the tasks he'd been taking up to aid you.

adam took care of your every duty, tricking himself into thinking that he'd become the man you'd hoped to find many moons ago. he kept you warm and safe, warding off the men who chased after you by laying the lifeless bodies of the wolves he'd killed along the path to your secluded home.

you rarely went into the village, which allowed adam to keep you all to himself. he was unsure of the reason why you secluded yourself as such while also expressing your loneliness to your furry companion day after day. but adam could not bring himself to complain. it only meant he could live in his wicked fantasy a little longer.

in his mind, you were his. he'd never let you in on his acts of kindness, continuing to keep himself hidden from you as he aided you in the shadows. he kept you safe from outside dangers and from the ugliness found in his person.

he feared for a meeting between you. there had been a limited amount of people who'd ever shown him kindness, with each and every last one having fallen to their demise due to his carelessness.

despite elizabeth's affectionate eyes, the old man's friendship, and victor's remorse, adam still saw himself as an offense to humanity. every other being he'd come across had ensured to reassure him of this fact. he could only convince himself that you'd feel the same.

but even then, he was selfish.

selfishly, he ensured you remained his, all while fostering that senseless hope that you'd offer him the warmth he dreamed of every time he'd see you through the walls of your homely abode.

his shame reached a crescendo sometime over a month into his stay in your shed.

a lone creak along the wall allowed his eyes to tend to you as you slept. he denied himself of this sight more nights than not. it felt disrespectful, a disruption in the privacy you so desired. he felt dirty and intrusive.

still, he allowed himself such a view on occasion.

tonight had been different than most other nights.

he watched over you, pleased in the sight of your preparations for your deserved slumber. you'd pat at your cat, causing adam to do the same in hopes of mimicking the feeling. you'd kiss it and nuzzle against it, making him ache for the same treatment. and lastly, you'd huddle under your warm covers, bed large enough for a companion, but remaining halfway empty.

but instead of your usual routine, instead of laying your head to rest on your warm pillow, you scoot back, sitting back against your bedframe.

adam could see the expanse of your room, with the shed allowing him a view of your living room and bedroom depending on where in the shed he squatted. he'd usually follow your movements throughout the day, allowing you more privacy whenever you'd remain in your personal quarters.

from where he sat, he had direct view of the side of your bed, of the expanse of your body as you laid to rest. you'd usually face in his direction as you slept; one of the only proofs he had of a god providing him with at least the smallest of joys.

beneath the covers, your hand traveled, the back of your head tipping back against your bed frame. ruffles could be heard, making adam tilt his head in curiosity.

when your breath caught, chest going up and down with a heavy breath, adam began to worry. were you in pain? was something causing you agony? his heart picked up, nervous he would be witness to some malady and be unable to help you, lest he worsen the situation.

a sound left you then. it was soft, delicate. it made his breath catch in his throat, his intake of oxygen halt. adam could not comprehend what was happening under the sheets, the view hidden from him beneath your bedding, but he realized then that it was not pain.

the sounds continued, each more enticing than the last. adam's body reacted without his permission, goosebumps forming along his skin, mouth agape as he continued to watch. the shame in him grew beyond its bounds, but his body was overcome with an unfamiliar warmth forming just south of his chest.

he worried his body was defective, what with the way it had come to be. but then he continued to look at you, realizing that the sounds leaving your lips were the result of your actions against your pelvis — the same region of his body that was burning at that moment.

the sight was captivating, driving madness within him, but he could not understand why. it created a conflicting feeling in him. it was a mixture of shame and greed. he felt he must be punished for such emotions.

he'd seen husband and wife engage one another in the bedroom, knew somewhat of the steps of courtship, of the human need for companionship. but this was incomprehensible.

the husband and wife in the old man's shed. he'd seen them make these sounds, he'd seen them lose themselves under the sheets, ashamed as he witnessed it and bowing down in shame. he'd looked away after that, keeping away from that room whenever those tell tale signs would present themselves.

but you were alone. you made those sounds, you lost yourself under the sheets, but you had no companion. there was no husband receiving the gift of procreation from you. you were not a wife gifting it to someone. adam could not understand.

you wept, cries mixed with breathless sighs as your body contorted against your mattress. he felt his anatomy engage with you even without your touch. he felt those same sounds threatening to escape him. it all burned, begging for relief.

could it be that he was the husband? were you the wife, causing this effect on him even without your own awareness?

he wanted to ask you. to march into that room and ease those cries, to make them louder, to direct them at him. he couldn't bring himself to ease his own ache, undeserving of the effect you had on him. but he could feed the desire he had to accomplish your pleasure.

it reached a crescendo after some moments. it drove him to an edge that had been unknown until that moment. he felt his middle tense before reaching a peak, calming down again after a few moments. there was warmth pooling at him, staining his dirty clothes even further.

the shame remained there, but he managed to push it aside as he watched the heaving of your chest come to a halt. he hated himself, but loved the fluttering of your eyes as you finally reached slumber once more.

he remained there, loathing his existence, becoming enemies with the way in which he'd tainted you without your knowledge.

but sleep took over him then too.

-

your feelings remained unpredictable, and quite frankly, mortifying.

madness tugged at you, making you seek out the mysterious man more often than reasonable. you'd become well acquainted with his schedule, watching him from afar every early morning as he'd get up.

his mere figure in the distance made warmth pool within you. the muted grunts you would occasionally hear when he'd take on a particularly hefty task left you breathless. you ached to run your hands through his hair, to drag him to the well and bathe him, to do things respectable women were too ashamed of to even imagine.

you'd come to find you weren't a respectable woman. it had been reiterated countless times throughout your life, sometimes delivered in screams provided by your parents, other times in hushed whispers along a village that had all but ostracized you.

but now you had a companion. the whispers of the unknown did not matter any longer. there was one who was meant for you, waiting for you to take him in, to overcome the fear and make him your own.

or perhaps that was a fear for him to overcome.

you'd found traces of him at your shed.

it was mostly abandoned, not being of any use of you as the spacious abode housed you and your cat well enough. but when you'd come to the realization of the refuge he'd been taking in there, you thanked any power above for its existence.

from then on, you could only assume that he kept close watch over you. you'd found creaks along the walls, tracing them with your fingers, now aware that this was how he knew and predicted your every need, never once disturbing you as he fulfilled duties that brought no benefit to him.

it should've terrified you, but in only drew you in further.

and, unable to help yourself, your body responded to his presence.

it was shameful, an act that required rightful reprimand. but as you touched yourself, hoping he found himself on the other side of that wall, you reached your end with thoughts of him in your mind.

that long hair, those dark, mismatched eyes. they were enough to drive your imagination afloat.

you imagined those deep, animalistic groans directed at you. you pictured that large frame hovering over you. you thought of the calloused feel of his hands along your soft skin. and as your body responded, you fell into deep slumber, only to see him again in your dreams.

adam could not bring himself to stay away even after that shameful night. he could not keep himself away from you even if he tried.

he'd grown selfish as time passed. he sought atonement with life, but only found himself under your unknowing watch. perhaps you were the reward for his long journey of forgiveness for his maker. or perhaps you'd end up his ruin.

the winter days arrived quicker than expected, gifting adam with even more tasks to partake in around your cottage. this, he did not mind. it gave him a sense of purpose. taking care of you had become his lifeline.

but then arrived the snow storms.

staying hidden in your abandoned shed had proved to be a challenge. two months had passed, and he was yet to be discovered. you'd expressed no hint of knowledge as to his presence, only occasionally ranting to your cat about how happy you'd been these past few months, how safe you felt.

he worried you would come to know of him, well aware that you noticed his every task, but grateful for your lack of acknowledgement. he ached for your praise, but feared your contact.

the snow storms made it more difficult to remain in that empty shed. the cold began to get to him, the snow piling up and accumulating at the small opening of the shed, making the frigid weather enter the small space.

the large wooden doors fought against the wind, a losing battle that rattled the hinges and created an awful noise that filled adam with dread. were they to come loose, you'd awaken and run to the shed. the imminent danger of his discovery clawed at him.

he pondered the possibilities. the thought of running off into the storm made him flinch. he'd spent countless nights running from the cold, finally finding a peaceful refuge in your shed. the reminiscent pain of frostbite, however temporary, prevented him from taking this path.

but your discovery of him would destroy the fantasy he'd created for himself. it would break the soulful bond he'd convinced himself he needed to protect.

the decision was made for him as the wind continued to pick up.

the slamming of the wooden doors became too much, and he was not afforded enough time to check whether you remained asleep before the doors opened with a hard thrust against the wall, the sudden movement aided by the strength of the wind.

suddenly, your familiar figure appeared on the other side of those doors, donning your usual sleeping gown and wearing a worried expression on your face. the shock he expected was absent, as you looked to him as if you had been expecting his presence.

"come! it's much too cold. you will freeze to death, please come," you pleaded as you held onto the door, a sturdy surface to ensure the wind didn't waver your stance.

but even with the strong winds, you stretched a hand out to him, eyebrows furrowed with worry and eyes filled with hope he'd take your hand. he couldn't believe it was happening, fully convinced the cold had gotten to him, that he'd fallen into deep slumber after succumbing to the frigid weather.

still, he took some shy steps, allowing his hand to interlock with yours as your thumb ran through his dry knuckles. you guided him the short meters between your door and the shed, letting the wind slam your door shut after your entrance.

the homely ambience inside your humble abode was just as he'd imagined. the lights were warm and the internal climate felt like a pleasant embrace. adam could have dropped to his knees at your mercy.

adam could not grow too comfortable, however. he couldn't bring himself to accept that this was happening. his fear of your anger, of your fright, it was all too strong.

remaining stagnant by the door, he stood there, hands at his sides, itching to hold onto something for peace of mind. his form was slouched, his head downcast so his mane could hide the small amount of skin that remained uncovered on his face. his face coverings were still intact, as were the various layers of fur covering his body. but he still felt shame that you may see his eyes — those of a beast, those of a killer.

you walked straight inside, throwing one of the many pieces of wood adam had left at your doorstep into the fire and mending to it a bit. adam simply watched, ready for you to turn around and demand he take his leave as soon as the storm calms down.

when you turned around, you did so slowly. your eyes were downcast, not meeting his. your hands played with one another in front of your gown, bunching at a piece of fabric as you looked down at the floor. two light steps were taken towards him, causing him to swallow.

you cleared your throat, voice wavering slightly, "should you like a warm drink? you must be freezing."

his eyes met yours, breath bated as he looked to see if he had heard you correctly. he remained silent, looking down once more instead of responding.

"i'm sorry ... did i frighten you by storming in so hastily?" you murmured, "i apologize. it was not my intention. please- be comfortable. you are more than welcome to be here. the storm made me worried for your safety."

as you spoke, you walked further inside, not minding adam's stagnant stance by the door. the howls of winter could still be heard from outside, but that appeared to be the least of your concerns.

even with no answer from him, you stepped into your small kitchen, — an unfamiliar area of your house he had no way of viewing from his place in the shed — pouring some milk into a cauldron before settling it on a surface atop the fire. in your hands you held two identical mugs, making his heart skip a beat at the thought that one of them could possibly be for him.

he remained quiet, guilt drawing within him at the way in which your demeanor continued to mimic his silence. there were no words he felt were safe, so the decision to say none was made.

he could see you hesitate as you finished warming up the milk, slowly approaching him with an outstretched hand that held a warm mug. a bashful nod from you was enough to make him take the small weight off your hand.

again, you hesitated before speaking, but you offered him a small smile as you do so. it is hard for him to focus with you so close, with all that has occurred in the past ten minutes since you rescued him from the frigidness of your shed.

"i know you," you began, tone unsure. you set your cup down to gesticulate with your hands, "you are the man who has taken care of me for months, are you not? the one who resides in my shed," adam could not help but flinch slightly at this, breath catching, heart pounding, "i do not mean to be intrusive or accusatory in my observation!" you lifted your hands in surrender, "i just- i mean to express my gratitude to you, kind sir. i ... i have tried to make prior contact, but i grew too fearful of causing a fright and drawing you away. i also feel immense guilt at allowing you to aid me so — without me ever offering anything in return."

adam stood there, unknowing of what to do. it dawned on him as you spoke. he'd been aware that his presence had been suspected, but had not realized that you were so acutely aware of his proximity. he had deluded himself into believing his haunting presence had been a well-kept secret, that you lived unaware of his residency in your property.

with his silence, you continued, offering him the expression of what he believed to be shame. as you spoke, you took a few more steps, causing him to take a step back and for his back to meet the door behind him.

"kind sir, please ... i wish to repay you for your aid. i ... i know you have watched me through those walls- that you have wandered along the edge of my refuge, wishing for my lack of knowledge-"

the sudden exposure of his heinous acts was too much for adam to take. he could not process your words any longer.

his fingers flexed, itching to wrangle at something to calm his nerves. his skin burned, all while goosebumps formed. his hair stood, his eyes ached. everything was over once again. you had the naive decency to allow him to stay while the harsh storm made its way past your home, too good, too sweet for him to comprehend. but he knew that this was it. his false hopes for something more, for ownership of your heart and a gift of his in return, it was all finished.

without realizing it, the mug tumbled from his fingers, crashing down on the wooden floor and causing him to flinch. his long arms went to cover his face as his back tumbled against the door in an attempt to protect himself. a whimper left his lips, eyes shut in preparation for the punishment to his careless behavior.

but the scream never came. neither did the blow.

instead, your voice halted, and a feather-light weight landed on his arm, touch so light and soft that it was practically non-existent.

he turned his face then, lowering his arms, going back to his tall stance as his confused eyes searched for yours.

in you, he found deep sadness. it rivaled that of his own.

mouth agape, you sniffled once before swallowing. now with a moistened throat, you spoke again, this time with an even softer tone of voice.

"who hurt you?" you whispered.

it made his breath catch yet again. specially so when your hand went up to feel at his skin through the coverings that remained on his face.

without a word, your thimble fingers went to softly pull at it, eyes swimming back and forth between the space covering his mouth and his uncovered eyes. your gaze plead for permission, and he could not muster it in himself to not grant it.

once you uncovered him, he closed his eyes, bowing his head down in shame. but this only made you cup his cheek and and nudge him into looking into your eyes once more. your other hand traced at the various scars occupying his face. he felt ashamed you had to see him.

"oh ... you carry sadness in your eyes. were you hurt?" you breathed out.

your eyes were heavy, focused on his lips for a moment too long. it caused for adam's heartbeat to pick up. by the time your eyes trailed back up to his, he was already beyond affected.

your warm fingertips continued to softly trace at his skin, eyes not once showing any trace of disgust or fear at the sight of him. there was affection in you he had not met since the loss of elizabeth. and there was something more he was incapable of understanding.

"please- i ache to hear your voice. you are safe here, my protector. i will not let harm find you," you promised.

mustering out all the courage in his form, adam chocked out a response, fearful that the naturally scornful tone of his voice would not betray your kindness.

"i ... i am not hurt."

your eyebrows curled, a small smile forming in your lips. he felt your hands cup at his cheeks, thumbs caressing at his skin, ignoring any scar in their path.

"oh ... your voice. i have dreamt of your voice for endless nights," you sighed, "and your name, sir? please. i ache to know."

he hesitated, but responded, demeanor still slightly dejected, "adam."

when you responded with yours, he felt at ease. it was as beautiful as your form. he wanted to sound it out, and could not help himself in doing so. your response was the dulcette sound of a giggle, which caused adam's lips to slightly twitch into half a smile.

adam could not believe his ears. his surroundings were a blur, the storm outside fully forgotten. he ached to touch you, to have his hands reach out and engulf you in his hold. your every touch provoked this greed within him that had been born the moment he'd laid eyes on you. the shame continued to be there, but every word from your lips alleviated such feeling.

his wretched acts came flooding back then. every moment spent watching you without permission, the nights in which he dreamt of you, insulting your soul by attaching it to his own. he remembered that night in which he betrayed your intimacy, loathing himself for the disrespect he'd laid upon you.

you'd inferred your knowledge of his actions, but he was certain you knew not of the extent of his delusions about you.

"i have insulted you," he began, shameful. he began to part from your touch, but you did not budge, drawing a confused grunt from him, "i have overstayed my welcome. do not allow me to aid in your discomfort any longer-"

"you confuse my worry for disdain, sir," you began, hands trailing down from his face to the length of arms, grasping onto his glove-less hands and bringing them up to your own cheek. adam shudders at this, "there is nothing i wish for more than your company. any affection you may feel towards me, i return tenfold. you, my savior ..." you paused, eyes drawing away in bashfulness, "you have earned my heart," at this, you brought one of his hands to your lips, kissing the cold knuckles softly, "you have earned my soul- every part of me is yours. please tell me you share my affections."

adam could not think, could not speak. this cruel joke stole his breath. you looked to him with eyes he was unfamiliar with. with a warmth he could not understand.

yet he knew this could be nothing more than a cruel joke. he held his breath, unable to respond as you continued to stare up at him with that same unfamiliar affection in your gaze. his hands remained warm due to the soft kisses you'd continued to press against his broken skin.

unaware of how to respond, he stayed silent, breath bated and lips agape. he did not know his silence would cause further acknowledgement from you, but even if he had, he would not have been prepared for what you did in response.

slowly, you guided his arms to your hips, your own settling on his shoulders before leaning up. your face came close to his, breath intermingling with his own for a mere few seconds before the distance was closed.

his lips, already open, received yours. he remained still, not reciprocating, as he did not know what to do. everything stood still as your lips engaged with his stilled ones, as the softness of yours intermingled with the rough touch of his.

and then you made that sound again. that same sound from that night. the one that made him discover an entirely new aspect of humanity he did not feel worthy of ever experiencing.

the mere memory of that night made him flush. it had him closing his lips against yours, following the rhythm of your own as best as he could. his arms, which you had rested on your hips, trailed up to your back, remaining flat there as he pressed you against him. he received a pleased noise from you in return. he made of his own in response.

your hands reached his hair, fingers interlocking with it as your lips continued their battle against his. adam was left at your mercy, breathless in his attempt to return your every affection. his body burned in the same way it had that night.

"oh, adam..." you sighed into his lips, the grip of your hands on his hair still soft, but wanting.

upon further opening his lips, your tongue suddenly sought entrance into his mouth, causing a gasp to escape him. it searched for his own, tangling with it and drawing it out to intertwine. adam knew not how to kiss you like this, but he ached for you, and so he allowed you to teach him.

every touch of lips, every wet flick of tongues, it drove adam to madness. his palms ran up and down your back, small yet animalistic grunts leaving his lips when you'd tease at his tongue, when you'd trace at his lips with your teeth.

when you pulled away, he found himself out of breath, but still seeking out more. he wished for no distance between your bodies ever again. the need to keep you attached to him grew animalistically.

against his lips, you remained, breathing heavily into them. your eyes grew heavy, filled with what he believed to be lust. this was also unfamiliar to him, incomprehensible that you'd feel such a thing for a beast like himself.

you were out of breath as you spoke again, but you refused to create distance between your bodies. your chest remained pressed to his, uncaring of the juxtaposition between your soft sleeping gown and the endless layers of rough hide he wore.

"allow me- i must bed you," you rasped out. there was desperation in your voice, "i have saved myself for my beloved ... and that is you, adam. i am certain of it."

the bewildered look in your eyes penetrated deep within him. the madness inside him only grew, that monster begging that he allow himself the pleasures of the flesh — those same pleasures he'd only become acquainted with due to your proximity.

but he could not allow it. you knew not of the monstrosity hiding behind the drapes around his body. seeing his disfigured face may have not disturbed you, but had you known his past, his origin, the every other detail of his body composed of a charnel house, you would have decreed him the monster that he was.

any other suitor of yours could provide you with your deserved future. he would remain a monster, a waif to society. you'd live a recluse due to him; attached to a man who was not truly a man.

he could not take the gift of your virtue away — the gift he'd heard of in the endless novels he'd read to the wise old man; his friend, — not under false pretenses, not under any circumstance.

"i cannot allow this," he pulled away slightly, "you do not want me. what you see, — this scarred face, this broken exterior — it plagues my entire being. my body, my skin, my soul. it is all made of endless decay, my creator ensured as much. i will not oblige you to engage with such a monster."

his tone was gruff, serious. he hoped not to scare you, but perhaps that's what would be necessary in order to ward you away.

still, he could not bring himself to separate his arms from your hold. not when yours remained on him.

you shook your head, eyebrows furrowed and expression determined. a look of offense took over your features. your hands made their path down his chest, fingers trailing their way to the lapels of his fur, slowly disrobing him of it. layer after layer, he allowed you to disrobe, ashamed, yet unable to deny himself of your touch.

once he remained in his sole trousers, your eyes wandered down to the expanse of his chest. your fingers, curious, trailed his every scar, finding the various discolorations contouring his body and expressing nothing but awe.

leaning in close, you pressed a kiss to his chest, trailing slow pecks towards his heart. he knew well of the heightened speed of his heart. it was its natural reaction to your affections.

"you speak of a monster, yet i see no such thing," you spoke, "you speak of a scarred face, a broken body, yet i care not for such thing. what i see is the most uniquely beautiful creature i have ever beheld," your voice was decisive, with some fury hidden behind it, "i mean no offense, but your creator is a fool to hold such beliefs."

he couldn't help the small smile forming on his lips after that.

"was," he found himself correcting, but the ghost of a smile was still on his lips.

you smiled back at him, hands still absentmindedly tracing his skin, "i apologize."

he shook his head to himself, head bowing down yet again, "no, i apologize- i must-"

"you must kiss me again," you interrupted.

"i ... i cannot allow you to-"

"i beg of you, adam," you whispered out, "i ache for my protector, for my beloved," you sighed out, nosing his chin as your lips approached his once more, "take me out of my misery and allow me to gift myself to you. allow us to be forever bonded."

adam shared very few of the characteristics of men, and weakness appeared to be one of them, as he could not find it within himself to deny you. his body ached for you, as did his soul. your eyes, your words, they spoke truth. his soul was already intertwined with yours, drawn in from your very first meeting.

he could not deny your pleas, could not deny himself of your soul that ached for his as much as his ached for yours.

again, you kissed him, this time driven by a passion adam had grown convinced he would never experience. you begged for him to touch you in between kisses, practically weeping for his touch. and as hesitant as he was to enjoy the contours of your ruinous form, he let his hands wander along the length of your back, allowed them to lay at your waist and hips.

you blindly walked him to your bed, lips never once disconnecting as you sat him down before settling on his lap. he welcomed you, still slightly unnerved and unsure of himself, but fully desirous of your connection.

the bed was wide enough for a companion, making his heart ache at the possibility of him being the desired one. the comfort provided by the bed could not compare to the weight of your form on his lap. his hands remained shy and closed off, but they'd gotten use to the feel of your hips under them.

"oh, god, this is most improper. but i cannot help improprieties around you," you chuckled, breathless, "i hope you do not deem me a harlot. i have waited for your arrival for weeks. i've shamefully hoped for you to walk through my door and take me as yours," you continued, your caresses never once seizing, his chest and shoulders well cared for by your soft touch, "i've nothing under my nightgown. no bodice, no corset. it is very scandalous, i know. but i cannot help myself with you, adam. i knew from the moment i saw you from afar, from the moment i took note of your affections, that i'd lose all manner of composure upon having you in my arms."

his trousers were guided off as you spoke, leaving him in the mere rags that covered his center. he found no shame in your view of his body, too enthralled by your lust-filled words. he felt himself blush, felt the blood draw to his middle, causing him to continue to harden.

these were brand new sensations, discovered due to your touch, due to the words you directed his way.

looking down at him, you sighed contently, tracing his skin and drawing goosebumps along your wake.

"oh, adam ... your body is perfection. every inch shall be mine, or i shall die dissatisfied."

it was spoken like a promise, sealed with a kiss and a sudden pressure of your hips on his.

it was an unparalleled sensation.

he'd felt the burning pooling at his center when he had watched you lose yourself in between your sheets, but he had denied himself of any act to remedy the feeling. and now- now you gave him relief.

he was unaware his body could feel such a thing. the rubbing of your bodies together, it created this animalistic greed in him. he wanted to enhance the feeling, to drag you against him like a brute. the base and wanton need of an animal overcame him, hands continuing to grip at your hips and aiding you in your movements.

those sounds continued to tumble out of your lips, and he discovered that you enjoyed his own sounds just as much. you'd sigh after his every grunt, singing his name in ways it was never meant to be uttered.

then you spoke again, readily determined in his ruin.

"did you see me that night, adam?" you whispered into his ear, "did you watch me, knowing you were the cause of my ruin? that i dreamt of your form hovering over mine, of your grunts as i brought you release?"

adam's senses heightened at your every whisper. there was no space for his shame as he took in your words. your desire for him drove him mad, destroyed the composure he'd foolishly deluded himself into believing he possessed. the feeling of your middle meeting his did not help matters. it only drove him further into madness.

no plea for forgiveness could leave his lips. not when you broke him like this. there was a familiarity between your bodies. yours the key to his unraveling.

"please-" he found himself begging, "i must- you will break me."

it only caused a sigh to leave your lips. your face buried in the juncture of his neck, leaving yet another trail of kisses there, reaching his lips whilst your hips daren't halt their heavenly grating.

when you stopped was when he finally became acquainted with pain. such an unfamiliar feeling, barely gracing his being any time he'd become the target of men who dared to attempt on his destruction. he had never felt it until the moment you'd taken away the otherworldly pleasure you'd so selflessly been awarding him.

he could not bring himself to complain, but he did not have to.

suddenly you were getting up from his lap, causing him to sit up as he watched you in utter and complete awe.

your hands bunched at the hem of your nightgown, pulling it up before throwing it off your form. it left you fully nude before him, completely bare of any barrier between him and the heavenly curvatures of your body.

you were truly the master of his pleasure, as you could bring him to his end without a single touch. the mere sight destroyed adam, it made his breath catch and his body groan. he could not comprehend what such a monstruous creature had done to deserve the touch and affection of an angel, a seductress who'd come into this earth to provide him with pleasures men could only dream of.

he had no words, hands twitching at his sides as you regained your home on his lap. the smile on your lips told him of your awareness at the immediate effect you had on him. his middle burned for you, uncomfortably settled between you as you began your torture once more.

"please..." he begged, but knew not what for.

"i ache to ruin you," you breathed into his lips, "just as i ache for your touch."

directing his hands, you settled them on your breasts, causing adam to shudder at the softness now found under his palms. you cupped his hands, teaching him to squeeze and let go, sighing out when he'd do as instructed. it only functioned to unravel him further.

"you allow a monster such as myself to touch you," he began, enthralled by the sight of you, "you gift yourself to me, and i cannot possibly compensate you for such blessing."

you leaned in close, noses touching, lips gracing, "gift yourself to me, and i shall do the same in return," you assured, "all i yearn for is the eternal salvation your soul will grant me. allow us to become one."

again, you kissed, hands clawing at the rags surrounding his middle. it took little effort to free him fully, earning yourself a groan of pleasure from adam at the very first touch of your hand on his manhood. as you pushed him to lay flat on the bed, you gripped at him, taking ownership of his body.

"i am yours," he whispered, gasping when you'd begun to drag him against your center.

"and i eternally yours."

you lowered yourself down on him then. it was a slow, torturous process. the pleasure felt like pain, too amplified for his body to fully comprehend. his mouth drew open with a heavy breath, his eyes squeezing shut and the back of his head digging into the mattress below him. your hips fell victim to the squeezing of his fingers, but he could not process his movements as you engulfed him.

it broke him. he became a vessel made to receive pleasure. it was an otherworldly experience. he was certain no man was ever meant to experience such pleasures.

when he dared open his eyes again, he found yours closed, nose scrunched up and mouth agape. your hands still held on to the ridges along his shoulders, digging harshly but causing no pain. you had not moved yet, simply engulfing him in the heat of your body. it was enough to make him shudder.

"oh, adam ..." you sighed out.

he had no worthy words to share. he simply grunted your name, breath stuttering when you began to move up and down.

his body arched against yours, unknowing of how to react to such feeling. he felt himself break little by little. he was tense, but you soothed him, unabashed in expressing the effects your connection had on you.

"please," you begged, "help me ... i- i need- oh, adam, please-"

your hands trailed down to his, gripping them and motioning for him to move you. you needed him to aid you in your shared pleasure. and what was he made for, if not aiding to your every whim and need?

a flash of electricity sparked across his entire body as he followed your instruction. his strength assisted in your movements, his hips soon following along and snapping up against yours. the noise caused by the impact was loud, indicating every connection between your bodies.

the rhythm was off, unsynchronized at first. but your eyes still rolled back, and your forehead still fell on his. your pleas for his pleasure never once seized, drawing him closer and closer to his end.

"adam-" you sighed out again, breath a whisper against his lips, "you will break me. you will- oh, you will break me beyond repair."

and though it sounded like a plea for help, you tightened around him, gasping out a cry of his name. adam's lips braved against yours, interlocking in one final kiss as you shuddered and shook against him.

subsequently, you dragged him down with you. he felt himself break, his body shake and timber and shudder. the warmth in his belly released deep within you, mixing your essence with his and intermingling. your lips never once left his, drooling into his mouth and chasing after his tongue.

your deflated body laid on top of his, lips tracing his chin, then his cheeks, finding a home on his neck. he felt you purr against him, humming as your fingers softly ran up and down any inch of skin they could reach.

his arms wrapped around you, keeping you guarded and close against him. he remained inside you, defeated and limp, but protected by your warmth.

"please remain with me," you whispered, "allow me to protect you from your solitude — and aid me in eradicating mine."

adam felt that familiar dampness form in his eyes, taking in a shaky breath before lifting a hand up to softly pat at your hair.

"please," he pleaded in return.

the morning passed by slowly, while the nighttime flashed by.

adam did not recall the last time he had been able to sleep soundly through the night, had never known the comforts of a bed, much less the solace of holding someone against his heart as he fell into the night's sleep.

but there he laid, slightly slouched in your bed despite its large size, long arms wrapped around your body as you held him in return.

he arose before you, watching your peaceful rest, counting the soft puffs of breath released by your lips. your body faced his, face buried in his chest. cold fingers ran up and down your nude spine for a while, attempting to soothe you in the way you did him with your mere presence.

when you woke up, it was slowly, with the same softness your every action carried. kissed were pressed against his scarred chest, fingers traced at his skin with the same wonder you'd displayed last night.

as you laid there, you heard his every tale, his every lamentation. he shared his story with you, sparing no detail. each tear was met with a kiss, while you continued to soothe him with your calm whispers. your cries for him broke him, but also lulled his uneasiness. in your eyes he saw empathy unparalleled by any he'd seen before.

"oh, adam," you cried out while in his arms, "you have been so alone, my sweet creature. but no more. allow our seclusion to end through our bond," you pleaded to him, "you shall never walk alone again, not as long as i hold the privilege of your affections."

adam could have cried, shedding a few tears of disbelief and of gladness. but again, you kissed them away.

winter was warm that time around, found safely in the refuge of your lonely cottage. though it was lonely no more, inhabited by what was now adam's small family.

whispers of a creature roaming the forest seized, while rumors of your newly wedded status began to spread. your mystery suitor was never revealed to the villagers nearby, allowing you to keep him safe and guarded, and all to yourself.

You tightened your jaw and tried to stand again, but before you could, an outstretched hand offered to help you. Paz stood over you, the sight of him a relief as you accepted his help and stood on your feet as best as you could. Your gloved hands tightened into fists at your sides as you gave a quick glance around the shore.

“Is Ragnar okay?” Your modulated voice was more breathless than you wanted it to be.

“He’s fine.” Paz’s voice was lower than you expected, and his visor was fixed on something in the distance with hardly concealed hostility.

You followed his gaze to see the N-1 starfighter that had been the covert’s savior landing on the beach. Dread washed over you much like the water that continued to lap at the sand. You hadn’t gotten a chance to see the pilot, but the chances were the covert would have to relocate once again.

Then, the N-1 landed, and you clearly saw the person within it. The sight made you lose your breath even more than you had before, with only one thought—one name—able to come to mind.

“Din,” you gasped to yourself, your voice barely a breath as you attempted to walk forward.

Paz grabbed your armored shoulder without looking back at you. “No.”

You fought his grasp without hesitation. This was the first time you had seen Din since he was forced to leave you on Nevarro, and you weren’t sacrificing your reunion for Paz’s bitter feelings towards him. “Let me go.” Your voice bordered on a growl, even as your gaze softened at the sight of Din with the small, green child he had told you about so long ago.

“No.” Paz used his entire arm to keep you from advancing. “He is no longer one of us.”

Your helmet whipped towards his own. “What the hell do you mean?”

Paz’s visor finally met your own. “He’s an apostate.”

The words hit you harder than any weapon could’ve. Still, you remained skeptical, tilting your helmet at him. “How is that possible?”

“He removed his helmet.” You gaped beneath your own helmet at that, unable to believe Din could ever do such a thing. In your silence, Paz scoffed with cruel amusement and took a step away from you. “Let him tell you the truth himself.”

In moving away from you, the path between you and Din was completely cleared. Din had stepped out of his ship and set the tiny green child beside his boot on the sand. His attention was still fixed on the Armorer, who stood the closest to him. “I would like to request a brief audience with you,” Din announced to the Armorer, though everyone still standing on the beach remained silent enough to hear him.

You wanted to cry out his name again at the mere sound of his voice. Cycles spent dreaming of it, his final words to you wrapped around your mind like the cruelest broken promise, and now, you were finally hearing it again. But you can’t enjoy it, not with the knowledge of what Paz has revealed to you.

You didn’t want to believe him, but here it was, playing out in front of you. Whispers had already started to carry throughout the group, as if you had purposely been left on the outside of a deep, dark secret for much too long.

The Armorer at last responded with a nod. “When you are ready, you may join me in the forge.” Her visor found you with ease.

Din’s followed. You knew him well enough to understand how severe his reaction was to the sight of you, but even those who didn’t know him the way you did would have been able to tell. His entire body froze, even his cuirass stalling as his visor locked on your own. Your name came breathless from his modulator the same way yours had with his.

You let Din close the gap between you with steps that were both quick and hesitant, as if he was in a dream. You understood the feeling all too well, and you wished you could grasp onto it. Before he could get too close, you held out a single gloved hand, instantly stopping him in his tracks. Din’s visor looked between your hand and your helmet.

You willed your voice to be firm, but it was an impossible task. “Is it true?”

Din’s cuirass stalled again. He shifted his weight, a heartbreaking habit of his that made you want to drop your guard and reach out for him immediately. Still, the unspoken truth between the two of you overpowered your urge.

Your gloved hand was trembling as you continued to hold it up between the two of you. “Did you remove your helmet?”

Din took a deep, trembling breath. You were close enough to hear the way it shook as it entered and exited his corrupted lungs. All you ever wanted for longer than you even knew was to have this proximity to him again, but now, it was like a punishment. It was only made worse by the shame and pure ache in Din’s voice as he spoke. “I did.”

Your throat closed up upon hearing the truth from his lips. “You’re an apostate, then.”

Din’s helmet fell to his boots at that. “I am.” His voice was an inch from broken at the confession.

The little child at his side cooed in distress. It only worsened your own heartbreak. You exhaled and lowered your hand, giving your helmet an aimless shake. You lowered your voice as you spoke again. “Damn it, Din.”

The quivering in your voice was Din’s breaking point. He took another step closer to you. “I can explain.”

“Don’t.” You went to take a step back, forgetting the injury on your leg. It nearly gave out on you, causing you to trip a few steps around yourself. Din didn’t hesitate to reach out and steady you, but as soon as you had better footing, you pulled yourself away from him.

“You’re hurt.” Din sounded more pained than you, the one who actually bore the physical wound. He respected your silent wishes for him to stay away, his gloved hands tightening into fists as he struggled to do so. “Can I help?”

You raised your chin higher than usual. “I can take care of it myself.” You clenched your jaw as you turned your back to him, stopping to glance over your armored shoulder as you added one more thing quietly. “But you can come with me.”

Din nodded at that, clearly more than satisfied with your offer. He and the child followed you as you managed to limp all the way to your private barracks. You were grateful for the fact everyone had given you both some semblance of privacy, though you didn’t miss the glares thrown Din’s way as he followed you into the caves. It made you angry on his behalf, but even you were still disillusioned by the revelation.

It was like everyone knew except for you, and no one bothered to fill you in.

You led Din into your private room, and he drew the makeshift curtain closed for you. You managed to grab your medpac before collapsing on your bed. Din stood nearby, shifting his weight again as you began to tend to your own wound.

“I thought you would come back.” You made your voice stronger than before as you stole a look at Din. “Like you promised me.”

“I did.” Din’s quick response was desperate, not defensive. “After I completed my quest and reunited the kid with his own kind, I took all the jobs I could to get information on the covert. I found the Armorer and Paz on the Glavis Ringworld, and I…” Din shook his helmet. “I thought that was all that was left. That’s what I was told.”

You remained tough in your interrogation, no matter how your instincts of longing screamed at you. “Was that before or after you removed your helmet?”

“After.” Din never hesitated once in revealing each truth to you. “I had no choice, cyare. I promise, I swear.”

It was hard to remain calm when Din was so close to fracturing in front of you, but you maintained your composure nonetheless. “How did it happen?”

For the first time yet, Din hesitated. You stopped the work you were doing on your leg and glanced up, watching as Din bent down and held the child in his arms. You couldn’t help smiling to yourself at the sight of them. “The kid got captured by Moff Gideon.”

Your eyes widened underneath your visor. “Moff Gideon?”

Din nodded. “I… can tell you more about him later.” His voice was low, casting a shadow over the future conversation. “The only way I could get the kid back was to find the coordinates to Gideon’s light cruiser.” Din’s visor fell to the child tucked in his arm. “The Imperial terminal I used required a facial scan.”

It was hard to believe what Din was telling you, but at the same time, it wasn’t. Din was a man of honor, the most honorable you had ever known, but it was his love for and loyalty to the people closest to him that took precedence over all else. He had shown you so himself.

“You said you completed your quest.” You paused to grit your teeth as you administered bacta spray to your wound. Din nearly made the motion to lunge towards you in your peripheral vision, but he stopped himself. “But the child is still with you.”

“Grogu.” Your visor found Din again at the word. The way the child’s long ears had risen on his head answered the question you were about to ask, though Din also beat you to it. “His name is Grogu.” You simply nodded and continued to tend to your wound, allowing Din to continue. “I did complete my quest, but he came back to me.”

You spoke without diverting your attention away from your work. “Why?”

Din’s visor fell to the child, Grogu, once again. “I’m… not sure.” Your chest warmed underneath your cuirass as you watched Din’s forefinger and thumb hold Grogu’s hold. “I guess he wants to be a Mandalorian.”

“Or…” you smiled as you reached for the dark-colored gauze and began to unravel it, “he just wants to be with you.” You forced your visor to remain fixed on your work as you went on. “I know the feeling well.”

Din dared to take a step closer to you. His modulated voice was low and haunted as he spoke. “Have I ruined it?”

You took a deep breath, your armored shoulders rising and falling with you as you secured the gauze around your leg. You stopped and reached for your cuisse, holding the metal between your gloved hands and giving your helmet an aimless shake. “I just…” You raised your helmet to face Din. He continued to stand just a single step or two away from you, restless in his poorly concealed desperation as he shifted his weight once again. “I don’t understand.”

Din’s helmet tilted as he nodded. “I can explain.” His voice was hopeful, and softer than it had been ever since he arrived. “Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

“I know you will.” You packed up the medical supplies, securing the medpac closed and heaving another breath. “But I don’t think this is something you can explain.”

Din’s helmet straightened in confusion as you tried to stand. You groaned and stopped yourself, closing your eyes beneath your visor at the way the movement pained your healing leg. Din froze, his visor intently watching your every move. You held out your hand towards him.

“Can you help me?”

Din nodded, setting Grogu back onto the floor before taking a firm step towards you. He held your gloved hand and used the other to steady your back, helping you to stand and assisting you over to where your medpac belonged.

You resumed your earlier thoughts as Din kept you close to his side. It was a welcome feeling akin to that of a home. “Nobody told me.” Your visor found his. “I searched for a new location for the covert. I helped to bring everyone here, including the Armorer and Paz from Glavis. And what have I gotten in return?”

You shook your helmet, letting Din help you sit on your bed once again. That time, you were regretful to let go of his hand.

“Lies. Half-hearted truths.” You scoffed and tightened your gloved hands around your cuisses. “No one told me you were alive. Neither the Armorer nor Paz told me they had even seen you.” You lifted a hand to gesture behind Din at the curtain serving as your door. “They’ve all known about us for cycles, and yet no one decided to tell me what happened to you.”

Din helped a visible breath. Your visor never strayed from his as you sat in the silence for a long moment.

“But you haven’t hesitated to be honest with me.” You lifted your chin. “I’m not taking the side of those who refused to do the same.”

The tension that fled from Din’s armored shoulders at your words was practically visible. It was almost as if his weight gave out altogether as he knelt down in front of you. “Thank you.” His modulated voice was quiet, strained by an emotion you struggled to identify. “But…” he shook his helmet, his visor falling to the floor, “they’re still right.” Din found the faith to face you again. “I’m an apostate. I broke the Creed.” Din nodded, as dutiful as ever. “You deserve better than to be associated with me.”

You leaned forward and held his helmet between your gloved hands. It was a position that catapulted you to the sweet nostalgia of the past, when holding his beskar face was an everyday routine rather than a long-lost privilege. “Din.” It was hard to miss the small inhale Din took at your gentle utterance of his name. “You may have removed your helmet, but you did not break the Creed.” You nodded at him. “In my eyes, you upheld the most important vows we swore ourselves to: Honor. Loyalty. Solidarity.”

You paused, your visor finding the little one who stood patiently by Din’s boot. He cooed at you, nodding to agree with your words as he encouraged you to go on. You smiled at the child and looked at Din again.

“You completed the highest honor of our people.” Your helmet gestured to Grogu. “You rescued a foundling.” The front part of your helmet found his own as you brought Din closer to you. “This is the Way.”

Din’s gloved hands found your wrists, the touch slow yet secure as he wrapped them around you. His repetition of the phrase crackled through his modulator in his disbelief. “This is the Way.”

You smiled and brushed your gloved hands over his beskar cheeks. “If your allegiance to the Creed makes you an apostate, then…” you freed your hands from Din, holding your own helmet and lifting it before Din could stop you, “I suppose it makes me one, too.”

Din froze, his visor scanning your face in disbelief. His gloved hands were stuck as they reached out in front of him, a statue of his thwarted attempt to keep you from removing your helmet. He spoke in a trembling, disbelieving breath. “Cyare…”

You set your helmet aside and held his once more. “Loyalty and solidarity are the Way.”

Din finally began to move, one of his gloved hands returning to your wrist as the other cupped the side of your face. You leaned into the touch, closing your eyes to prove to him just how meaningful it truly is to you. “I’ve… only been able to dream of this.” Din’s confession was quiet, each modulated word strained as he spoke. “Of you.” He forced himself to take a deep breath, his gloved thumb running over the skin under your eye over and over again. “Of upholding my promise.”

You smiled at him. “As have I.” You held a hand over his. “It’s been hard, but…” you looked at Grogu and grinned wider, “I’m glad you put the foundling first.”

Grogu cooed at that before Din could even respond. You watched as the little one toddled his way over to you, wrapping his arms around your boot and closing his eyes as he hugged it. You chuckled lightheartedly, your gaze returning to Din’s visor.

You were shocked to see his true gaze just a moment later—a brown sea of warmth and pure affection.

Your gloved hands held his untrimmed jaw as the warmth of your forehead met his for the first time. You couldn’t resist the urge to study him up close over and over again, making your smile remain as you spoke to him in a soft breath. “Being an apostate isn’t so bad.”

Din huffed with amusement at that. His own gaze was studying you, but his eyes had started to focus on your lips. “We can make it worth our while.”

His natural voice was a gift as sweet as the first kiss he gave you, a breathtakingly beautiful display of affection that was many cycles in the making. Pure warmth that rivaled anything the galaxy had ever offered you blossomed from his lips onto your own, setting your chest aflame with the same sweet heat. For the sake of the child in the room, the two of you separated more quickly than either one of you would have liked, your smiles brightening up the space between you.

“So,” you began, running your gloved fingers over his cheek, “where are we headed next, cyare?”

Din grimaced for a moment, making you furrow your brow in concern. “Mandalore.”

You lifted your head from his. “The planet’s cursed, Din. We can’t go there.”

Din broke away from you for a moment to reach for something on his belt. He lifted it and offered it to you. “That’s Mandalorian writing.” He said the words as soon as you read them on the green slab of glass. “A traveler acquired this from the planet’s surface.”

Your gaze of disbelief found his. “Is it breathable?”

Din shrugged, taking the fused glass back from you. “That’s what I’m going to find out.” He nodded and looked down at his helmet. “The Armorer has told me redemption is only possible in the Living Waters beneath the mines.”

You tightened your jaw in resolution. “Then that’s where we’re headed.” You prepared to force yourself to stand once again. “I’ll get my things together.”

Din shook his head, his brown eyes dark with worry as his brow furrowed. “You’re still hurt.”

“One night’s rest will be enough to heal it.” You nodded in further reassurance. “The trip through hyperspace will take care of it.”

Din hesitated, but ultimately he nodded to agree with you. “And you still have your ship?”

“I do. Speaking of which…” you raised your brow at him, “you’ve got quite the ship, now.”

Din huffed, though his gaze averted yours. “The Crest was destroyed by Gideon.” You set a hand on his cheek for comfort. “This ship’s turning out to be a fairly decent replacement, though.”

“Sure.” You grinned at him. “Knowing you, this ship’s much more your speed.”

Din chuckled, his attention turning to Grogu. “What do you think, buddy?”

The foundling let out a long coo, making both you and Din laugh before he helped you to stand. He supported you with one hand and used the other to grab your helmet, though he hesitated before he put it back on for you.

“Thank you, cyare.” The genuine nature of Din’s words were even more evident without the filter of his helmet, his brown eyes telling you the very same truth.

You brought yourself closer to him. “You don’t have to thank me, Din.” You nodded, your next words a whispered breath upon his lips. “I did it because I love you.”

You kissed him, a quick yet meaningful gesture that kept a small smile on his lips as you pulled away. His response was still just as meaningful as before, if not more so. “I love you, too.” He nodded as he began to set your helmet over your head. “Once we find our redemption,” the helmet lowered, “then I’ll follow through on my promise.”

You helped Din with his own helmet before leaning it against your own in one more Keldabe kiss. “I know you will.”