choose to bloom

I’m not sure what compelled me to log on here for the first time in 4 years, but if you’re seeing this, just letting you know that I’m alive and well.

Don’t know what propelled me to hop on here and scroll through my blog for the first time in several months, but… yikes, fam.

Hey there.

It’s been over a year since I last was on here, and I thought I’d update you all on what life’s looked like for me.

This day last year, I went inpatient for a week, and following that, did PHP until I got into residential at Selah House, where I was late October- December. That place was remarkable and truly changed my life.

I switched my major to social work, moved to downtown Grand Rapids, and got my job back.

I slipped a bit and did PHP again in March, followed by 2 months of IOP.

I’ve been purge-free for over 6 months, and restriction-free for several months as well.

I see my dietitian only monthly, PCP every 6 weeks, psychiatrist every 8-12 weeks, and my therapist is going on maternity leave, and we decided I’m in a stable enough place to not have to see anyone while she’s gone.

I’ve had some medical issues come up that aren’t ED-related: a POTS diagnosis, and a breast tumor (that ended up being benign, but still will be removed at the end of the semester). It’s been scary and frustrating, but I’m OK.

I have friends and a social life and am excelling in my classes. I’ve been a bit stressed lately, but I’m learning how to appropriately manage that stress in ways that doesn’t include behaviors.

I’m proceeding with a lot of legal stuff regarding my trauma. Restitution battles. Potential future media coverage. It’s a whirlwind, but I finally realize I have no reason to be ashamed of what happened to me, and I deserve justice and to put my narrative out there.

I’m truly living. Sure, I weigh more, and I still have occasional days where body image is rough, but I’ve reached a place of acceptance with it. My current life is worth the hard work the past year has consisted of.

A year ago, I wanted to die. I’m really glad I didn’t let myself.

Here’s a few pictures to document the last year! To better keep in touch with me, follow my insta and finsta, kaitlynmueller and choose_to_bloom, or add me on Facebook.

The community I made on this site over the years has been incredible, and I’ve met some of my very best friends to date on it. But the past year has shown that it’s ok if I move on from here, or only pop on periodically. This community served its purpose, which I am forever grateful for, but it’s time to keep experiencing the world as I’m finally truly living.

Love you all.