per aspera ad astra

I’m 21 years old. I have never had a boyfriend. I am a virgin. I sometimes catch myself thinking that there’s something wrong with me and I must be a loser just because I’ve never been in a relationship. And that is so toxic. Growing up in Asia, people didn’t date around my school and we were raised more conservative so none of us really cared. But then I came to college in the UK and people always have this look of restrained pity and “awww” on their lips when they find out. Like, the media is always trying to tell us, women especially, that we NEED to have boyfriends and be in relationships and find love, that we cannot function otherwise. It’s been ingrained in me everytime I watch a teen movie, that the girl/boy who isn’t in a relationship is insufficient/ugly/unwanted/loserly. There are jokes in so many shows, like Friends, about how you must be a loser if you never got some in high school. I just want to say, what the fuck? Can we not? At the risk of sounding arrogant, I am NOT even remotely defined by my nonexistent love life. I am smart, I’m doing a great degree, I’ve worked in big companies for my internship, I have fantastic friends, I’m even sort of pretty I suppose. I am happy. Sure, being in love sounds great, but I don’t need it. I am still functional and alive and vibrant and curious and essentially, is that not who I am? The entertainment and media cycles have actually made me feel guilty and less happy because I don’t have a lover and I’ve never had sex. How does that even matter? So many kids, so many young girls are rushing into bad relationships, or trying so hard  to “appear cool” that they’re sacrificing their own comfort and happiness for it. And for every kid like this, there’s so many more who feel unloved and insufficient for not having a love life. We are young. I barely have two decades under my belt and I’m already worried about being alone? Please. I haven’t even graduated college yet! I have so many dreams where if I do find a guy, that would be great, but if I didn’t it’s also fine. I want to get my engineering degree, go for an MBA, travel, meet people, learn languages, cook and explore and dream, lead, make great progress in alternative energy and more. I have all these plans that don’t require a boy, but here I am feeling guilty and ashamed when I hear my high school friends talk about their “sexcapades”. Don’t. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are young, you are full of love, you have dreams, and you are not defined by your love life. It might be just a week before you find someone or a few years, but do not think for a second that you need validation.