I do what I like

-

*the JLA holding a super important strategy meeting in the batcave*

Batman: -the main priority is to ensure the safety of the surrounding area even in the case of a fight, so we’ll have people stationed around the perimeter just in case. Hood, can you grab me the signal flares from the store room? you’re closest.

Red Hood, walking over: *grunts*

Batman: *continues to explain his plan as in the background Jason walks into the store room, pauses, and then promptly walks right back out*

Red Hood: *sweetly, from the doorway* Robin?

Robin: mm?

Red Hood: would you like to go into the store room for me? my darling, favourite brother-mine?

Robin:

Robin, eyes half-lidded: is there a spider in there?

Red Hood: maybe.

Robin, sighing in exasperation as he starts walking over: you really need to start trying to deal with these yourself, Hood. you can’t call me every time-

The Flash, watching Damian emerge with a small spider in the palm of his hand while Jason refuses to come out of the corner of the cave: doesn’t that guy chop peoples heads off sometimes…?

-

*Aquaman, on a mission with Nightwing and Batman, on a platform in the middle of the ocean*

Aquaman: if you have your rebreathers then you can follow me down, it’s not too deep a dive to the site.

Nightwing: *staring into the water* mhm.

Batman: *watching Nightwing in amusement*

Aquaman: …Nightwing, are you ok?

Nightwing, still staring: oh- hm? yep. yep, i’m good. i’m- yeah. lets go. lets do this.

Aquaman:

Batman: he has thalassophobia. he doesn’t like deep, empty waters.

Aquaman:

Nightwing: *staring down*

Batman: *faux shoves Dick forward, as if to push him in*

Nightwing, shrieking and jumping back: bRUCE- I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT-

-

Superman: the victim’s in that room, if you need to examine the body.

Red Robin: got it, thanks.

Red Hood: so what actually happened to the guy?

Superman, as Tim leaves: well, it seems like the virus infects the mind and causes intense delusions. we think he was driven crazy and ended his own life. it’s… not pretty in there. he stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil.

Red Hood: *whistles* *pauses* wait. in the eye?

Superman: yeah. why?

Red Hood:

Red Robin: *slams out of the other room, falls to his knees vomiting*

Superman:

Red Hood, watching Tim calmly: yeah he’s got this thing about things in peoples eyes?

Superman:

Superman: really?

-

Green Arrow: shit, that’s a nasty scratch you got there, Bats. right across the eye, too.

Batman: *grunt*

Green Arrow: who’d you fight to get it?

Batman: Robin.

Green Arrow:

Green Arrow: Damian did that?

Batman: hn.

Green Arrow: …why?

Batman: he had a cavity and i had to take him to the dentist.

Green Arrow:

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow: wasn’t he raised by the league of assassins?

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

How quaint

and very true

how did they know…

ok anyways

anyways

well yes

ok but i sort of am a delusional escapist

i fear i'm just a huge softie at my core gang...

hahahah I love it

YES!!!! YES, IT'S TRUE!!!!!!!!

real

Yep, that’s me.

I swear I’m not a psycho

This is actually what I really really love in byler fics!!

@bylerbean @rubyrider6000 @pewe7777

Ayeee😛

I'm crocheting again

Like they literally hated each other the first time they met and for some reason they kept sneaking out to fight crime together while constantly fighting and bickering and making fun of the other.

The funniest part of their dynamic to me is that no one was forcing them to work together to begin with. They were like "Ugh, I can't stand this idiot, I can't believe I have to go on missions with him." While at the same time, choosing to hang out with each other.

Everyone: you don't tho....

i want to see an eldest son damian who grew up smart enough to know that bruce never wanted him, and that learned to be batman's partner not to serve justice, but to try and make up for his own presence in gotham. who fights simply to make himself useful to his father who is far too obsessed with his mission to give a damn about getting to know his biological son.

it would get even worse when bruce grows up a little; when he matures and realises how much he fucked up with damian. because you can't take back those early years, and bruce can't fix what he broke. even worse, he doesn't even try. he's too ashamed and emotionally constipated to try and muddle through the emotions needed to try and show damian that he DOES want to be his father, so he just... awkwardly brushes past it. as damian grows bruce treats him as a friend, which sure, is better than the whole soldier/ignored-unless-needed deal damian had when he was little, but still isn't good. he relies on damian too much while not providing an ounce of parental support because hey! as long as they aren't actively screaming at each other then they must be doing ok, right? bruce just tries to crack an occasional joke and have a beer with him every now and then to try to prove to himself that he can't have fucked up that badly; because if he had then why did damian still stick around???

but damian didn't stick around for bruce, he stuck around for his little brothers. i think it's universal that every first-child of bruce wayne will have eldest daughter syndrome no matter who it is, and i think with reverse robin damian it could be STRONG.

the thing about damian is that at his core, he is kind. the league and the life he was born into fucked up his morals and understanding of some things at first, yes, but even then it bleeds out of him in the way he cares for things. his love and eternal protection of animals, creatures supposedly lesser than him; and the way that regardless of his upbringing, when given the choice between what he learns from bruce about protecting people and what he learnt from ra's about the opposite, he always chooses to follow his father.

reverse robin damian grows up disillusioned to his father's merits of being, well, a father; but he's still kind. so when tim drake's parents die and bruce takes him in, damian decides he needs to be there for tim when he knows bruce wont. the most painful part would probably be that damian has to watch bruce be better at parenting tim that he was damian; because by the time tim comes along bruce is older, wiser, and again--he has that shared sympathy with what tim's been through. it was his choice to take tim in. so although he's still far from being considered a paternal person he does give it his all this time, and damian has to watch as his father casts him aside only to later apparently deem a collection of other random kids more worth his effort than damian ever was.

but bruce still isn't a perfect man, and damian is still so kind. so he steps in where bruce falters and sticks around even as he gets old enough to leave. when tim is adopted, then jason, then dick; damian stays so he can be for them what bruce never was for him.

to his brothers and to bruce, damian is an amazingly patient, forgiving, loving, and powerful person. he's bruce's first true partner, the golden child, the prince of gotham who will always help out if you ask for it. he picks his brothers up whenever they call, no matter the time or inconvenience. he cleans up after them on patrol, protects them, works himself to the bone, and still manages to show up in their personal lives as well. to them, damian is perfect.

The whole room stops, and Tim stares wide-eyed at the jar before backing away in slight disgust

Tim: What is that? Aren’t you supposed to be on bed rest?

Bruce: Your spleeeennnn

Tim: What?

Dick: What.

Bruce: You got sick last month, and it was bad… I felt bad… spleen…

Jason: *turning to Tim* You were missing your spleen? When the hell were you gonna tell anyone?!

Tim: Slipped my mind, anyway, how did you find out?

Bruce: I go into the League of Assassins servers and whatnot from time to time ever since Damian came into the family, no biggie

Duke: And you...?

Bruce: Infiltrated them about two hours ago to steal back your brother's spleen?

Bruce: Yes

Steph: Are you on drugs? You sound like you’re on drugs. What did Alfred give you?

Bruce: I don’t remember, something for my broken ribs

Cass: *standing up and leading Bruce to sit down in a chair* How many?

Bruce: Three, not a big deal. Anyways, spleen. *grins widely*

Jason: Wait... you infiltrated the League of Assassins while high

Bruce: *looks confused* What, like it's hard?

Damian: *had left the room earlier, is now back with a glass of cold water* Baba, please drink

Bruce: *takes glass and ruffles Damian’s hair* Thank you, baby, you’re so good to me. I love you so much *starts kissing his cheeks while Damian weakly tries to escape*

Dick: … *only slightly jealous* I’m calling Alfred

Like, forget Damian growing up being afraid of his grandfather.

unfortunately, Damian is also the youngest brother and is, in essence, a little fucking shit. so a couple months later when Red Robin has to meet up with Batman, Nightwing, and Robin to discuss the ring of illegal organ harvesters that Robin and Nightwing have just infiltrated, Damian hands over a gift bag with a clearly bitten-back grin and falsely-innocent expression.

Tim opens the back and genuinely bluescreens.

“I- I uh,” Damian chokes back a giggle. “I heard you needed one of these.”

Tim’s face is so uncomprehending that Dick snatches the bag away and moves to open it, complaining about how Damian had made them stop at a craft store on the way over to buy the bag and he still doesn’t fucking know why-

he looks in the bag and screams.

“WHY DID YOU TAKE- WHAT EVEN IS THAT?”

Tim stares forward blankly, in pure awe at the levels of comedy his little brother is bringing to the table. “It’s a spleen. He’s given me a spleen.”

Damian collapses into a fit of laughter to the point of crying while Dick, horrified, tries not to throw up over the mangled rotting organ Damian had stolen from the illegal-transplant ring. he doesn’t stop laughing for the better part of an hour and Bruce has to talk to Damian about the dangers of messing with case evidence, especially when that evidence is actual human remains.