L I L U

It's scary in the sense that this world will be lit up in flames with everyone in it, myself included, the moment I lean all the way into it

What I've noticed myself having Lilith in such a public house, wearing my "shadow" on my sleeve essentially.. there's a penetrating energy where I tend to shake up any room or any person I come into contact with, illuminating what's normally hidden.

Real recognize real, there is no setting where I can ignore the muck that lies underneath myself or another being.

I feel this is where the scrutiny themes of Lilith in the 10th house comes from. My embodiment under a constant microscope, and because of this I have no choice but to authentically display myself. For the world can see what's real and what's not.

So regardless of if it's pleasurable or digestible, I must be who I am, the bitch that I am, the daemon I am.

Luckily it works in reverse as well.. I can't hide from the world but sure enough with a force like this, neither can they. I see people and things for what they truly are and there's no point in lying to me because not only do I see it. I feel it.

I know it in every cell.

I have Lilith in Pisces, conjunct Pisces Mercury. Both opposite Virgo moon.. Whatever information I gather, I feel it in the body first.

And what I really love about this Lilith placement is that --

I may not always have tangible evidence as to why a person is being shady, why I feel an individual is being weird and dishonest, or that a situation is off. But I ALWAYS trust it and eventually things are revealed.

Don't touch me unless you mean it

Hades in the house of intimate connections, of contracts. The more I experience the self through this lens, the more I make peace with the fact that Pluto in the 7th house will never be able to maintain any relationship long term.

"Change is the only constant." Encapsulates the energy of this placement.

Even if a relationship with other is to last long, it will not stay in the same form for the entirety of it's existence. It is constantly looking into the face of the ones you've loved and realizing you do not know them. Relationships forever in a state of unfolding, disintegrating, chaos. "There is nothing I can readily grasp, only an open space stretching deep into the unknown."

The moment I think too concrete and feel as though there is a strong foundation for the connections to lay on, I'm reminded of the ebbs and flows. I'm brought back home to self.

Grieving a loss that was never mine,

- Thinking of lessons and different points in the chart. With the IC/MC axis representing the higher self and lower self polarity.

IC being the higher self (where you are pushed to for growth).

MC being the lower self (where you are pulled away from/indoctrinated/ what you succumb to time and time again).

With applying these themes to the signs in my life I noticed a pattern of deficiency that always comes back to self. My own Leo IC/Aquarius MC relating to validation and acceptance. I value and accept the world but don't receive it and don't put myself to be in spaces where I am seen. In fact I accept the world as is and reject myself. So "who is going to value me?" or "Who is going to accept me?"

With a Cancer IC/Capricorn MC, I take care of everyone else, "who is going to nurture me?" I know a couple people with this placement who do not pour into themselves but will never let anyone else go with an empty cup, always making sure the world is straight and putting themself as an afterthought.