thoughts of an insomniac

Aligning not only the skies,

her veins flooded with stars.

Others began to realize that from the inside out,

she lit up.

Not just for herself, but for the ones

who couldn’t find the light.

Led others through the darkest of times,

It’s not easy being your friend

to love you so much that it hurts

to know you don’t feel the same

to be there every step of the way but know there’s not a future

sometimes I wish you hated me

that we were never friends

but then I think of all the smiles and the laughs and the memories that we share

and I know as much as it hurts

at least you’re still my friend

And I was broken

And it seemed our pieces fit well enough together

I didn’t know

When you pulled away

You’d take my heart with you

I was just a distraction

While you were my fix

I fell in love as you said goodbye

When I fell in love with you

It was when I realized

Nothing you did

Could ever be bad

When every little thing you did

Brought me joy

Made me smile

When you could never do wrong in my eyes

Even when you broke my heart

Even when you made me cry

I forgave you

Because I somehow understood

I somehow rationalized

Every which way you made me feel

I didn’t know I was broken until you left

I scared people away

But I know what it feels like to not feel loved

And how could I ever want anyone to feel that way

So I pour my love into you

And give and give and give

Expecting nothing in return

And becoming emptier every day

What they never talk about

Is when you fall in love with your best friend

When they don’t love you

Or they do

Just not in the way you do

They don’t say how it breaks your heart

To make them smile

To make them laugh

But know it doesn’t mean the same

For they mean the world

And you’d give them anything

Because they’re not just your love

They’re your best friend

And they care for you

They love you

For the brokenness I asked you to fix

I tore myself up and shattered your heart

I tested the extents of your patience

Cause god

No one had ever loved me like you did

And I never thought I deserved it

So I pushed you away to see how hard you’d push back

I didn’t mean to make you leave

I didn’t mean to break your heart

I’m sorry I couldn’t love myself the way you did

And I couldn’t love you the way I should have

And I’m still head over heels

But your heart still belongs to another

She broke your heart

While I gave you everything

And you said you loved me