Nia

im getting delusional

i want to stay up longer, maybe if i lose my mind ill be capable of killing myself

if that’s true, i might be happy someday

there was a time i would have killed for love if i had the chance

i dont think ill ever feel like that again

i miss the wanting more than anything

the need

i dont miss him

i miss waking up and smiling while reading messages

instead of dreaming about talking i just did

the love i felt is gone now

replaced with something smaller

maybe something less painful

the anger and pain, me waiting to die

the rain washing away who i thought i was

ive been thinking of sisyphus, and i realize that the further i push the easier it gets

why can i not realize that i have not been all good

that things were my fault a lot of the time

bf: “ can you stop?”

my plushies don’t do that to me

i know what’s wrong and i sorta know why but knowing why doesn’t do shit for fixing anything

there are many like us, but it’s rare to see people talk about it

it’s always comforting to see i’m less alone than i think, so thank you for sending this