fireheart

Prior to the retreat house, our last stop was at a vineyard resort, Twin Lakes, Tagaytay, where the most beautiful Starbucks of the Philippines is located. We were told we’re to stop for snacks, but it mostly became for photo-taking purposes because of its ig-worthy aesthetic and refreshing view overseeing the clear blue waters of Taal Lake and the picturesque cone of Taal Volcano. 

Wherever you look, it was picture perfect. We took a lot of photos in every corner of the place because honestly, anywhere you look looked nice in the camera. (sulitin na rin yung freshness ng wind)

Arriving at around 11 am in Don Bosco Batulao, first thing we did was have lunch. Upon finishing, we had a few minutes to go around the place and take numerous photos. We waited until 1 pm to get into our dormitory and get dressed for the hike to Mt. Talamitam. 

Mt. Talamitam is 630 meters above sea level (MASL) and has a 60-degree trail before the peak, which mountaineers would describe as an “easy” hike for beginners. (where is the lie) It was my first time to go hiking and there was definitely nothing easy about it. We trekked in groups and I was part of the last one.

PULCHRITUDE. We were walking and climbing for so long I forgot I was already far up. My legs were aching and I was so tired and covered with sweat already when we reached the first stop. As I sat down and had a few sips of fresh coconut juice, I looked up and it was the first time I was able to take in the view. It was nothing I’ve ever seen before, all adjectives synonymous to beautiful was all I could ever think of that moment. I was focused too much on how exhausted I was that I forgot to look behind me and truly see how stunning of a sight it was.

With no time to waste, we left our beloved ‘buko station’ and continued our hike to the summit. There was still a long way to go and I had to stop multiple times because my legs were so close to giving up on me, I was so close to giving up on me, too. I was no athlete, and I definitely do not categorize in the physically fit so it was a lot more challenging for me; I have never been this tired in my life (if I were, maybe it was an awfully long time ago lol).

Almost falling, tripping myself, and slipping was inevitably myriad. I could not count how many times I felt like I was going to die (an exaggeration). As soon as we were close to the summit, the elevation of the terrain was insane. It looked almost like a 90 degree, I literally had to use my hands to climb and hold onto the rocks. 

KAYA KO ‘TO. Finally reaching the summit was the cherry on top; gusts of wind were slapping you back and forth, the scorching heat of the sun striking you just right above your head, and the surreal 360 view of Batangas drawing you into its beauty; there was so much to take in. I never would have thought I would make it but I guess all it took was a little believing in yourself.

The minute I reached the summit, all the tiredness, pain, fatigue--gone! I instantly forgot about how difficult it was to reach that altitude once I saw what a beauty it was that awaited. The journey back down was twice as hard, but thanks to a few good hands, I was able to survive. 

As I was covered with sweat and dirt sitting in the bus looking through the window, realizations started coming. We were on our way back to the retreat house and I started thinking about what happened for the past six hours of my life--I was able to climb a mountain. It was one of those things I thought I could have never done, yet I had. 

The day after, we had sessions the whole day. I couldn’t take photos because we surrendered our gadgets. The sessions were filled with games that broke the ice, activities that brought out the creative in you, stories that would move you, and song lyrics that fit so well it hit straight you through the heart. 

PURPOSE. The whole retreat circled around one theme: vocation--discovering your mission in life and finding out where God comes in in that mission. It was about finding yourself and becoming the best version of it; lighting yourself up and sharing that light to others as well.

I could go on and on about how much of a good time I had during all our sessions, but the one thing that became the highlight of the retreat was the night where we went through a prayer labyrinth. 

There was a storm that night; it was so cold, it was raining, and the wind blew so hard that it actually helped set the mood. I had so much untouched thoughts stuck in my mind I started digging them during that night that it made me feel uneasy; I thought of all the awful things I’ve done to my family, to my friends, to others, and to myself, that I grew a little emotional.

All that was in my head was that I wanted to be better, I wanted to restart; I wanted another chance to live a good life, a better life. As I walked throughout the labyrinth, I prayed and surrendered everything: pain, resentment, guilt. I let it go all at once.

I never expected to feel a sense of comfort by just letting everything go. I felt so close to Him, I felt Him hugging me, telling me that everything will be alright. My heart felt a little lighter, a little happier. It was as if I was a child again, getting tucked in by a parent, being assured that when I wake up, all will be well, that there was nothing else to worry about, that everything will be okay.

We concluded our retreat with a mass. We wrote our own mission statements during our past sessions and these were what we offered to the Lord. My heart was in a pleasant bliss; I hugged all of my classmates and felt nothing but genuine love for them, for Him. 

The three-day-retreat in Batangas was not only an experience but a blessing I never thought could create a huge impact. It allowed me to do what I thought was impossible for me to do, it made me appreciate how beautiful and different each individual is, it granted me another chance to redeem myself to others, to the Lord, and to myself, and it made me realize that I have a purpose bigger than I am. 

LIGHT UP. Not everyone gets the chance to experience something that would change how you would see life. It made me look at life in a different perspective. I saw sparks of light and hints of darkness creating starlight and slivers of hope--that even in the gloomiest, even in the blur, you’ll find your way back.

It was just like climbing your way to the highest mountains: some paths may be easy to pass, some may be rocky, some may have the steepest slopes, and some may be a little slippery, but eventually, you’ll get there. The closer you are, the harder it gets, so don’t let it be the reason for you to stop then and there.

There’s a hundred thousand more things I could share about this experience, but it would be too much of a long post. Words aren’t enough to express how inexplicably euphoric it was spending three days in that place with no one but your classmates, your family, and Him to spend with. 

I went home with nothing but a smile stapled to my face, boxes of pasalubong in hand, and a hundred dozen blessings to share.

FRIENDS. Of course, summer started out with a lot of catching up with friends. Kat and I always found time to hang out even before the school year ended, but we didn’t want to miss the chance of hanging out especially when it’s the summer and we had no school work to worry about. Aside from the endless kilig stories and silliness we shared, we were also productive enough to continue planning her much-awaited debut this September. 

I also got to spend the night with my main girls Darlene, Nica, and Pam (est. 2011) at Pam’s place. We bonded over Another Cinderella Story movies, ice cream, and endless conversations that kept us awake past midnight. Twenty-four hours of being with these girls will never be enough to make me not want to see them again. We still have a lot of catching up to do, maybe next time Anne and Da would be able to join to complete the gang. I actually vlogged about these days on my youtube. Watch them if you want to. ;-)

BIRTHDAY. If it’s April, then it also means it’s that time of the year again for my birthday! I turned seventeen this month and I blogged about it here. I haven’t had a proper celebration after that so I planned on treating some of my Bosco friends to lunch last Monday. I actually skipped work for them. It was supposed to be on a Saturday but I got sick so I rescheduled. Anyway, they actually gave me a little surprise, I bet it was one of Garces’ silly ideas again. We went to Yow’s house afterwards to watch a movie and bond over jokes and other shenanigans. Ye took over the vlog that day but I haven’t had the time to edit it. For some reason, I’m always preoccupied. I’ll find time for that soon.

WORK. My friend, Rina, offered me a summer job her aunt, Dra. Quizon, spearheaded. It was an alliance with GARC, DOH, and TPH (Tarlac Provincial Hospital). I accepted it right awaya when she asked. What else am I going to do at home, plus, I’ll get to earn from it. We were tasked to conduct interviews on households in selected barangays in the province. Of course, we had to have training before all else. It was quite challenging at first especially when you ask strangers to give you at least a few minutes of their time to answer a survey they know nothing of. 

There were those who were very welcoming and would insist you to sit and drink, but there were also people who refused to even open their doors. I learned a lot so far from my experience, it boosted my self-esteem and allowed me to improve my public speaking skills. It takes an amount of persuasion and charisma to make the person you speak to trust you and be comfortable with you. Work doesn’t really feel like work especially when you’re with such awesome company. Our team leaders, Ate Pau and Sir Aki were so nice and accommodating. They made our job feel less difficult than it was. The best thing is that I learn new things every single day. The learning never stops. 

ADVENTURE. Working outdoors means that there is always an adventure that awaits you. On the 27th of April, our team was assigned to visit Sta. Juliana in Capas, Tarlac to interview households from there. Sta. Juliana is located near Mount Pinatubo therefore it would definitely offer a scenic view for us to behold. After hours of work and meeting our quota, our team leaders called it a day. We went to the view deck foreseeing the green pastures of Capas and a picturesque view of the mountains. It was so beautiful we didn’t want to miss the chance of taking such lovely photos of the view. We took advantage of the time and place, it’s not everyday you get to different places for free. We’ll definitely be back for Mount Pinatubo, soon. 

The first two barangays we visited, Mapalad and Sto. Niño, were close to being invisible in the maps. They were located at the edge of Tarlac, far from the capitol and away from the hustles and bustles of the city. It was a long and slightly bumpy ride getting there, we almost even got lost, but after several attempts of asking strangers for directions, we finally found Mapalad, a village almost hidden from civilization. 

When we got there, there was literally no one in their barangay hall, nor in their basketball court, goats were the only one’s wandering around the place. Eventually, we found one of their hard-working kagawads who helped us in rounding their village.

As I was asking and carrying conversations with the people from there, I realized how extremely nice they all were. They were so pure in heart. In every house I visited, no matter how small and lacking of furniture, I always felt welcomed. The people there were so kind that my heart was filled with warmth. They were so generous despite how little they had. There was no trace of selfishness nor mistrust. 

The villagers only lived off of harvest to survive yet they still had much hope and optimism in them. I even heard a couple of them saying that their place, Mapalad /adj. blessed, lucky/, described them, the people who lived there.

In Sto. Niño, the people were as nice. They showed so much willingness in helping and offering us a pleasant stay in their village. I even shared the same birthday as their barangay captain. Everyone from their place was invited to his celebration, even us, his visitors, were fed with the birthday staple, pancit. It’s incredible how everyone knows everyone in their village, which is really quite rare if you lived in the city.

I would have never known places like these existed and I’m genuinely grateful that all these happened on my birthday. I’ve learned so much and discovered things I wouldn’t have known if I were just at home laying in bed.

I got home at around 5:00 p.m. that day. I was exhausted and sweaty and was a shade darker. My legs were aching from hours of walking wide pastures and rough tracks. All I wanted to do that time was take a cold shower, eat, and lay in bed. But before I could do all that, I received a message from this lovely cheese-ball, Kat. 

Surprise, surprise! They didn’t forget my birthday after all. I have no words for how much love and appreciation I felt from the words my beautiful friends uttered. So much cheese. I love it. 

I’ve never been surprised even once for my birthday so this was a first. If you’re reading this, thank you, Kat and Ye. You guys made my birthday a hundred times better than the other birthdays I had. I love youuuu.

you are a gem in this world filled with too many rocks. for only a couple of months, i have somehow considered you as one my favorite people in this lifetime. we’ve done nothing but tell each other heart-fluttering stories, talk about daily shenanigans, and pour out feelings we’re a little too scared to share with others. that’s what i love most about you, you never fail to make me feel that i am not alone in my otherwise dreary life. you are a gem in this world filled with too many rocks. thank you for blessing me with your sparkling friendship. i’m nothing but happy with everything you are experiencing and have achieved right now. i’m proud of you, and i’m sure he is too. ;-)

you are a strong force who’s brave enough to face even the darkest sides of the world. since day one, you have always been there for me. i’m sorry if i say too much, think too much, worry too much, feel too much, and tell you all about it way too much. you told me you’re used to it, but i guess i won’t ever be. i guess i’ve always feared that one day you’ll have enough of it and leave me be with my unlimited stock of melancholy contemplation–but you haven’t, and i trust that you wouldn’t, so thank you. thank you for putting up with me, thank you for being the person who helped me survive 11th grade, thank you for being a constant in my life. i just want you to know that i believe in you even when you don’t, even when you doubt it. you are a strong force who’s brave enough to face even the darkest sides of the world. you’ve fought so many battles sans armor and you’ve survived. you are worth more than you know and you deserve someone who’d be willing to show you that. i will always be here for you, brave one.

Being the editor of the film, I was in charge of whatever happens after the filming process. I was in charge of which scenes to keep, and which scenes to leave behind. I was in charge of the score and the synchronization of the audio. It was a month-long of sleepless nights trying to edit scenes being shot each day and on top of that, the film needed English subtitles which was also a pain.There was a point wherein I felt I like I was alone in wanting to make the film as beautiful as we’ve imagined. I was so worn out that the weariness inside me doubled itself up. It was a battle I had to fight every single night of February. Despite that, I was able to push through and we were able to start over. 

A liberation of ideas after, we were able to finalize the script and the sequencing of events. Everything fell back into place and everyone got back their burned out lights. 

I admit, creating a film was definitely not as easy as I thought it would be. Every single one of the characters and the crew members should work together in order to produce quality work. My respect for all filmmakers have grown since then, it requires so much drive, passion, and patience. 

Here’s a summary of how we were able to produce this film, Balang Araw:

The first day of filming mainly focused on trying to discover how a normal day of shooting works. We didn’t actually shoot any scene, we just took a group photo and dubbed it as our official first day. On the second day, we shot a few scenes in school which didn’t make the final cut for some reason. Third day, we shot the very first scene that made it to the film. It was actually the first productive day of filming we ever had. Day four was on a weekend and was probably the most exciting one because we got to shoot the photo for our poster on the roof top. Kudos to our brave main actors and dedicated photographer! (char, dex, angelie, louis, + ye) It was also on that day that we shot our first crying sequence. Fifth and sixth day of shooting were a little less tiring than most shooting days, we filmed only a couple of scenes. On the seventh day we shot the first scene with the film’s love team! It was a struggle since their chemistry was lacking. We worked on it for a good 30 minutes which was only for a two-minute scene, but I guess there are things you just can’t force. I still don’t know up to this day if the people who’ve watched it felt an ounce of kilig. Nevertheless I think they did a pretty decent job. (charot) 

Day eight of shooting was the longest day of shooting. We stayed overnight in our group mate’s house where we had to re-shoot scenes and a couple of crying sequences. Ninth day was a blast. I guess seeing Louis trip a few times in different angles was delightful. On the tenth day we made two of our actors cry. It wasn’t pleasant at all seeing them in tears but I guess that’s the magic of acting doing its work, hurting you in the process. 

The eleventh day of shooting was my personal favorite. We shot our ending scene and it was all just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time. All of us felt genuine happiness while we were in that memorial garden, we felt so much closer to the person we were dedicating the film to. It was very memorable. On the twelfth and final day of shooting, we shot the hospital scene and the scene at the very beginning of the the film. That last scene we shot was probably the highlight of the film if you were to ask me. It made the film 100% more appealing. 

I could have never imagined myself being part of such a wonderful work of art. We all worked hard in making this short film. Who would have imagined it would take 13 days of shooting for a 17-minute film? Who would have imagined that from such scattered ideas would bear a successful award-winning film? 

It never crossed our minds that someday, we would make people shed tears, that someday, we would inspire them, that someday, we would be able to share our stories--but we did. 

It only takes a fraction of a second to believe, that someday, that balang araw, what we long for will find its way to pat us in the back and say, “I’m here, all is well.” Don’t let yourself be deprived of that. 

I completed Junior High School as rank 16 out of less than 300 students. This was probably one of the rare moments I felt truly proud of myself and what I have achieved. I will forever be grateful for this served as a motivation to keep up and work harder.

Summer has always been either boring or absolutely exciting. But this year, it was a mixture of both. There were days where I just wanted to sleep in, and there were also days where I’d go out either with my family or friends. 

In April I turned sixteen and I was able to celebrate for the first time with my main girls which made it a 100% better than last year. You can read about it here. ~shameless plug~

Also I went to places outside the city. As soon as the school year ended, my family and I vacationed in Clark. In May, I went to Gerona with my squad to visit and at the same time explore the hometown of Andang. I actually have a vlog for both of these and you can watch them here. 

This was probably the last get together we had before we all went our separate ways. Some of us stayed in my previous school (CHST), some of us transferred, and some of us had to move out of town, either in Manila or in Baguio. Despite the odds, we would always go out of our way to reunite or at least chat online. Yeye, Nica, Andang, Nicole, Trisha, Paran, Ong, Cess, Joey, and Dave will always be one of the reasons why I have better days.

For Senior High, I transferred to a new school called Don Bosco Technical Institute Tarlac which means I also got the privilege to meet new people! 

Getting into a new school was tough but I’m grateful to have had these beautiful bunch of people alongside me in going through the struggles of a newbie. (shoutout to Jamie, Louis, Dexter, Sty, Angelie, Mara, Kryzha, Miguel, and Cedrick).

Like I said, I had struggles in adjusting to a new environment, but once we had our class retreat in Baguio, it became my “turning point”. I’d say it gave me a lot to learn, realize, and reflect on during the time I was still estranged with my new school. 

As I transition into becoming a full-fledged Bosconian, there were a number of events and opportunities that allowed me to breathe in the school spirit. Events such as the Speech Choir allowed me to contribute what I have learned from my past school to my classmates and, at the same time, it brought me closer to them.

In September, I was given the opportunity to sing (with Mara, Sophia, and Angelie) for Father Jay, our school rector, during his birthday program. It was my first time to perform in front of a different crowd, in front of DBTI. It was clearly nerve-wracking in the beginning but as soon as the song ended, the unfathomable bliss, that is performing, is what prevailed. 

Student Leaders’ Assembly, or as some may call it, SLA, transpired in November after being postponed twice because of the stubborn weather on the scheduled dates. It was a two-day experience with fellow Bosconian leaders from different settings. The assembly was definitely filled with animation, warmth, and passionate souls that allowed me to embrace and embody the spirit of a true Bosconian. Aside from that, I learned so much about friendship, teamwork, and spirituality. I was also able to meet new people and make new friends along the way. 

In November, we had a mini school trip to Museo de Tarlac. It was my first time to have visited a contemporary art gallery and it was so much fun; not only was I able to appreciate the stunning art pieces but I also got to value the beautiful company I had. That day was one of the ~better days~ in school that I actually vlogged about it! ;) 

December was filled with beautiful melodies and stunning harmonies. During this month my days in school were mostly focused on choir practice for the play, “Pasko sa Bosco”, and for the Christmas Eve Mass. Father Abel, our conductor, made sure we sung our hearts out with every song we performed. The support and praise people gave us were overwhelming and that’s enough reason to believe that it was a job well done. 

Also, thanks to my willingness to share my voice, I was able to bond more with my 10th grade classmates Sophia and Cesca who, like myself, decided to transfer to Don Bosco and become a part of the choir. Practices will always be so much more fun having them around. I’m absolutely excited because there’s an upcoming play this January in time for Founders’ Week--meaning more shenanigans to come up with with the both of them! 

This was the unexpected surprise that popped up in the last month of the year, it’s Katrina! She’s just so easy to talk to either through messenger or in person. She actually made my 2016 slightly crazier. It’s only been a month that she and I started to talk a lot and hang out, and I bet she knows who to blame for it. :)

After almost seven months of not being able to hang out with my main girls: Darlene, Nica, Dada, and Anne, we finally found the time and the right schedule to pig out! (sadly, Pam had plans that day) We celebrated Anne’s birthday in a Korean restaurant in Tarlac since she loves Samgyupsal so much. It actually felt like I was eating side dishes with Joon Jae from Legend of the Blue Sea. ~swoons~

Ending the year with them will always be wonderful and filled with endless life updates and stories to tell. It’s our fifth year as best friends and also the fifth year we’ve put up with each other. Kidding aside, they will always be a constant in my life, they’re like the sisters I never had. 

Of course, what are these 12 months without Christmas? Just like always, it was spent with family, food, and gratitude. I sang with the choir in the Christmas Eve Mass and filled myself with food during Noche Buena at home with Dad’s side of the family. Christmas morning was spent with mom’s side of the family and naturally, we bonded over food and smiling faces.

I am perpetually grateful for all the graces I’ve received and it will always fill my heart with happiness. I do hope for 2017 to be rather lovely; but more than that, I am to do the best I can to make 2017 a little more hopeful, inspiring, and brave. I hope all of you will, too. Happy New Year!