A Horse With No Name • s.r
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*
inspired by this song and the jet scene at the end of episode 7 season 15!
content : fluff/pining lovers, friends in love - all that good stuff!
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*
Mindlessly bumping my foot against a very familiar Converse shoe underneath the jet table, almost out of instinct and comfort at this point - not even realizing I’m doing it till I feel the person across the table reciprocate the movements against my own comfortable and worn loafer. The movements of our feet mimicked the soft buzz of the jet engine, lifting my head sheepishly to look at the owner of the famous Converse, Spencer Reid.
Feeling the edges of my mouth immediately starting to lift up into a content smile once I met his gaze, suddenly getting swept into his irises that resemble rich honey pots; sticky and trapping my attention. I’m not sure how long I’ve been staring at the poor man sitting across from me, my heart thumping in my chest starting to feel all too similar to the engine sounds and the quiet thud of our shoes making contact. The one thing that breaks me out of my trance is my best friend himself, by awkwardly clearing his throat and raising his eyebrows in my direction.
I feel my cheeks immediately heat up and refocus my gaze on the book that sits comfortably in his hands - I never knew it was possible to envy an inanimate object so much, until all these years I’ve had to watch Reid carry these books with the utmost care, love and respect. Watching the way he caresses the spine and lightly traces the pages till he can envision the words in his mind without sneaking a second glance at the pages. Is it normal to be jealous of a book? I could only compare it to the world playing a cruel trick on me, everytime I watched Reid pick up a book from his satchel, the book mocking me in a way, gloating to me and how badly I could be the thing that Reid would carry with the same care and love, the exact way I wish I could carry and hold him.
After realizing my downfall, that is once again, staring at my best friend for an uncomfortable amount of time, I try to divert my attention back to the song playing in my ears and attempting to untangle my foot from his ankle. This seemed to become a ritual between us, sitting in the back of the jet away from the others, he would read whichever book had stolen his attention that day and I would sit and listen to music whilst stealing painful glances at my best friend.
“On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings”
Trying to play my staring off as casually as possible, I started to flicker my eyes between the jet window and the suddenly very interesting table top, sitting between us and putting a very unwanted distance between us (at least on my part). I watched the clouds and the shades of blue and gray throughout the sky, feeling suspended in time and wishing I could always feel like this. I was soon broken from my train of thoughts by Reid’s fingers dancing across the table and into my eyeline, grasping for my attention. Eagerly lifting my head up and looking into his eyes with a flat smile, I removed one of my headphones and spoke in a voice that was only reserved for him, soft and full of adoration even if he didn’t realize.
“Yes, Reid? What can I do for you?”
He returned my smile and started speaking in a soft and quiet voice - a voice that I would listen to for the rest of my life instead of all the music in the world, “You seem quite lost in your thoughts today, care to share what’s on your mind?”. I had to bite my tongue there and then, the more rational part of my brain telling me that this isn’t him inviting me to spill my undying love for him that seems to fill my lungs every time I’m within his reach. Raising my eyebrows at his statement and giving him a soft reassuring shrug and gazing back out of the jet window “I’m just thinking... how different my life would be in a parallel universe and what I would be doing instead of being sat here” - It wasn’t a lie, it was something that circled my mind frequently, I just hoped that no matter what universe I was in, Reid would be sat across from me in the same way he is now.
He continued to gaze at me as I spoke, I watched as the corners of his mouth started to move upwards into an amused smile and he raised his eyebrows again and nodded for me to continue with sharing my train of thought. I looked down at the hands fidgeting in my lap and looked back at him, not wanting to spend a second longer not looking at him and I continued “Have you ever thought about it? In a different life, what would you be doing if you weren’t an FBI agent?”
His smile became more pronounced and a soft shade of pink crept onto his cheeks as he ever so carefully closed his book and moved it to the side, glancing over his shoulder as if he was going to reveal his deepest secret and he looked back at me and I swore for a second, his eyes reflected the same adoration that swims in my eyes whenever he enters my vision. He nodded, “You promise not to laugh?” It still amazed me how this man thought that his words and thoughts, even the silly and immature ones, were nothing but close to biblical scriptures and the only thing here that resembled anything of a joke was my undying love for the very oblivious man sitting across from me. All I could think to do without letting those thoughts slip off my tongue was an awkward encouraging smile and leaning forward to make sure I didn’t miss his next words.
“A cowboy...” he said in a soft voice whilst avoiding my gaze and all I could think of was the nervous and fumbling Spencer Reid I had met, back when he wore glasses and his hair slicked back. I echoed his words in a voice just as soft and I waited for further explanation.
“Mhm, you know.. I’d have some horses, a few cattle and be surrounded by nature” His face and posture suddenly relaxed as he put the idea into our current universe, I could only look on at him in fascination and pray to a God somewhere, that in his western world I could exist. Wanting to get more of an insight into his mind - “What would you do with cattle?” and if I thought his voice was the most melodic sound to my ears, the light chuckle that bounced from him soon became the most beautiful thing to fall upon my ears “I don’t know, look at ‘em, pet ‘em. I hadn’t really thought about that but I’ll figure it out.”
The only thing that made this conversation better besides his voice, was the song playing in my right ear as he spoke -
“I've been through the desert on a horse with no name It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can't remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain”
I immediately perked up and quickly motioned for him to take the seat next to me and pushed the words at such a fast pace I’m surprised he registered them “Oh my gosh Reid, you have to come and listen to this song!’ The look of confusion washed over his face as he clearly thought I’d abandoned his idea of a peaceful life but it was far from that. As he fidgeted around to get comfortable, our shoulders, arms and thighs brushed together and it felt more like home than ever before. I reached over and placed a headphone into his ear and left my hand suspended in the ear, my body and heart begging to let the rational side of my brain brush my hand against his cheek and hair but I painfully pulled away and watched his reaction to the lyrics.
“You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can't remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain”
His face broke out into a smile and a soft laugh ricocheted from his chest and the familiar tinge of pink radiated on the soft skin of his cheeks and the tips of his ear. He gave a slight content hum and gazed down at my fidgeting hands in my lap. He reached over and enveloped one into one of his own - and they fitted together like pages being bound to a book. As always in the presence of Spencer, I was proven wrong because the light brushing of our thighs felt like home but the feeling of my hand enveloped in his, made me realize that’s what home actually felt like and I never wanted it to end. He leaned in closer to my ear and softly whispered amongst the tune of the song playing ‘’And you would be there, with me and the horses and the cattles of course...” the words trailed off but I heard them and I thought my rib cage would give way to the thumping of my heart in that exact moment and all I could muster back “Me? I would be there?” and all Spencer could do was shake his head and another soft laugh. As he peered past me and out of the window and into the clouds as if he was imagining this ranch lifestyle, with me, the cattle and the cows.
“Of course you would be there, I wouldn’t want any other life if you weren’t there...” and that confession was all I needed to finally come to an understanding that no matter what universe we were in, whether it was the one where we were sat on the jet or on a ranch, Spencer would always my heart and I would too always have a piece of his.
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ*
