Not Around

pushes us

Resolving the

but also a particular truth

to disregard pride

for a few hours

and think about change

a tired look over the shoulder

a study

a song

like everything else

to an answer

steady and regular orbits

can just as well

be assumed endless

while holding only one truth

down the road

the home of anxiety

the night awake—alone

and busier than you know

I don’t know anything

except the woman in her yard

looked suddenly

I believe the chicken before the egg

though I believe in the egg. I believe

eating is a form of touch carried

to the bitter end; I believe chocolate

is good for you; I believe I'm a lefty

in a right-handed world, which does not

make me gauche, or abnormal, or sinister.

I believe "normal" is just a cycle on

the washing machine; I believe the touch

of hands has the power to heal, though

nothing will ever fill this immeasurable

hole in the center of my chest. I believe

in kissing; I believe in mail; I believe

in salt over the shoulder, a watched

pot never boils, and if I sit by my

mailbox waiting for the letter I want

it will never arrive—not because of

superstition, but because that's not

how life works. I believe in work:

phone calls, typing, multiplying,

black coffee, write write write, dig

dig dig, sweep sweep. I believe in

a slow, tortuous sweep of tongue

down the lover's belly; I believe I've

been swept off my feet more than once

and it's a good idea not to name names.

Digging for names is part of my work,

but that's a different poem. I believe

there's a difference between men and

women and I thank God for it. I believe

in God, and if you hold the door

and carry my books, I'll be sure to ask

for your name. What is your name? Do

you believe in ghosts? I believe

the morning my father died I heard him

whistling "Danny Boy" in the bathroom,

and a week later saw him standing in

the living room with a suitcase in his

hand. We never got to say good-bye, he

said, and I said I don't believe in

good-byes. I believe that's why I have

this hole in my chest; sometimes it's

rabid; sometimes it's incoherent. I

believe I'll survive. I believe that

"early to bed and early to rise" is

a boring way to live. I believe good

poets borrow, great poets steal, and

if only we'd stop trying to be happy

we could have a pretty good time. I

believe time doesn't heal all wounds;

I believe in getting flowers for no

reason; I believe "Give a Hoot, Don't

Pollute," "Reading is Fundamental,"

Yankee Stadium belongs in the Bronx,

and the best bagels in New York are

boiled and baked on the corner of First

and 21st. I believe in Santa

Claus, Jimmy Stewart, ZuZu's petals,

Arbor Day, and that ugly baby I keep

dreaming about—she lives inside me

opening and closing her wide mouth.

I believe she will never taste her

mother's milk; she will never be

beautiful; she will always wonder what

it's like to be born; and if you hold

your hand right here—touch me right

here, as if this is all that matters,

this is all you ever wanted, I believe

something might move inside me,

and it would be more than I could stand.