Today is Nelson’s birthday!!! Nleson is my 5 yr old jack russell terrier and he’s my world! He’s the sweetest dog to everyone he meets, never bites or barks at people unless they have bad auras. He’s very needy at times or prefers his space. He loves to hump other male dogs...a lot, but that’s okay, I accept what he likes. He sleeps a lot but when his energy is at it’s peak, he run faster than a horse.He’s my little baby and is so innocent in this world. 

Ok so for other stuff...my ex oddly has been more communicative these past few days. He’s been actually letting me in into his life. He’s been telling me about his upcoming busy schedule, his interviews...and been responsive in such a pleasant ,manner. It’s so nice the way we have been communicating. It’s not every day or texts right away but I actually like that. I’ve noticed I’ve been so disconnected with my phone lately. I’m focused on using my phone if anything as a pair of eyes taking photos of everything around I find mystical. Of course I do respond to texts but if not an urgency then I try to remind myself to respond later. I do not want to be another person stuck on their phone missing out on life. I HATE seeing people facing down on their phones while the sun is out and life is all around...drives me crazy. So that’s me lately...unfortunately a few friends might interpret this as me being distant but it’s probably the introvert in me too. But yeah, my ex and I have been communicating at a healthy “speed”, I like that I feel a little more included in his life.

M Y  B I R T H D A Y

With my birthday coming up I fell in a rut with my life. With everyone graduating and transferring I feel like I’m not where I want to be in my life. I screwed up my years while in my ex relationship, I did not seek guidance, did not seek extra curricular activities and gave my ex all my time, time I could have spent studying. So I only blame myself for allowing my grades slip and not taking enough credits to speed up the process, so now I’m paying the price for that, well I deserve that as much. It’ll take me longer but at least I’ll have more time to figure out what I want. Though I’ve come to the conclusion that oddly enough I feel like I don’t want to major in psychology anymore. Though I love it, I’m starting to feel that perhaps I don’t want to do that for the rest of my life. Perhaps I’m going through some early life crisis but I feel like I need to do something different with my life. I don’t feel like I’m meant to sit in a class bored out of my mind and then later graduate working a job that will eventually bore me. I’m not sure what I’m meant to be or do but I feel it’s more outside of these academic walls. Now with my personal life, I’m not seeing anyone, the guy and I well...we decided to keep things friendly. It’s okay though because I feel lost at the moment so until I figure myself out first, I’d rather be alone. I really need time to be single and enjoy my friends and life. My ex is somewhat still around, I hope once he graduates he gets some job far away and lives his life. I love him but he will never be the man I need him to be. We’ve discussed that a few times but he simply brushes it off. He’ll find someone and if not, either way I hope he’s happy. 

I’m still working on my app with my team, so that’s ok, sorta wish we could launch it now. Other than that life is taking it’s natural course, I’m somewhat excited for my birthday plans, so far I’ll probably have a local dinner with family and end the night perhaps in some local bar with friends and then the next day head to San Diego for the weekend! I’ve never been one to celebrate my birthday, last year I did and now this year but honestly it’s weird for me. I don’t really care about my birthday I just want my life to fast forward to the part where I find the career path I know I could live my life doing and well...just seeing if I end up happy alone or with someone. I’m totally okay living my life with 3 dogs btw lol. But I do want a happy life with a man by my side and perhaps a family one day. That dream was promised to me by someone who did not mean it and I was naive to fall into that dream pool that now I can see that for myself and I would love that for my life, but if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be and that’s okay too.