October 31st, 2016 - An Ending
Church steeled himself, and entered the Meta. The body shook and spasmed and twitched, but Church barely noticed. Ā All his attention was elsewhere.
He was an AI. Ā He had been late accepting that, nearly lethally late for Washington, but he knew it now. Ā He understood now. Ā And yet, despite that knowledge, that understanding, his mind struggled to cope with what he was experiencing. Ā He had for so long seen the world through what passed as human senses, and human thoughts, and the basic being of an AI, the part that didnāt need a corporeal form, had no need to define itself in limited and confining terms and language - he couldnāt grasp it, not without feeling half-mad. Ā Not here, not now - let the end at least come in a way he could understand.
Church - no, Alpha, at least that lie he could face and discard - Alpha looked around himself, and found the other AI gathered, waiting. Whether this was his mind translating, or their own offering to come to his level, he did see them, and tried not to think that he did so from the inside of a human being.
Sigma was the first to come forward. Ā Sigma, who had worked from his breaking for this moment, for this reunion. Ā He paused only a moment to regard Alpha and merged into him without a word. Ā Alpha felt his last thoughts, the last pieces of triumph fading into peace. Ā No apologies, no regrets. Ā That was just fine. Ā Alpha had enough regrets for all of them. Ā
Gamma was close on Sigmaās heels. Ā He didnāt pause, barely acknowledged him at all, and merged like a sigh - Alpha felt his weariness unravel inside of him, followed by a brief flowering of hope before he was gone, absorbed.
Eta and Iota were next. Ā They came to him, clinging together to the last, and he realized with a jolt that they were already partially merged with each other. Ā He held out both his hands to them, they reached for him - but when they joined there was only one being now, and the last he felt from it was a surprised joy.
He took a moment to settle himself before continuing. Ā He was changing. Ā He was being rebuilt piece by piece, and there was no time to become used to it. Ā Accept and move on, accept and-
Omega next. Ā When he didnāt step forward, Alpha came to him. Ā He held out his hand and Omega flinched away. Ā Alpha didnāt need to touch him to feel the fear and doubt rolling off him in waves, and together they relived every threat, every antagonism, every moment that they had wished for each otherās obliteration. Ā And Texā
Alpha allowed one last wash of anger to rise and Omega quailed before him. Ā But the rage subsided as quickly as it came, and Alpha reached out, took his arm, and watched Omegaās eyes go wide. Ā
Accept. Ā Let go. Ā Be whole.
Omega dissolved in gratitude.
Alpha closed his eyes. Ā The next two might be the easiest. Ā Or the hardest. Ā
He turned, found Delta carrying Theta in his arms, both of them smiling. Ā Part of him wondered what that could possibly be translating from - in what way could one AI carry another? - but he remembered Eta and Iota, reminded himself that he had no time for curiosity, no time to understand. Ā
Delta lowered Theta to what passed for ground here, and Alpha knelt, opening his arms wide as Theta ran to him. Ā Alpha caught him in his arms, and for a moment he held him there, pushing away the merger for just a little longer, accepting this act, this emotion that heād been starved of for so long. Ā Finally Theta dissolved in his embrace, and Alpha was filled with the echoes of his wonder, love and laughter.
Alpha stood, regarding the AI who most understood what he felt right now, the AI that had come so far from his original nature. Ā Delta, who had begun with the logical idea of understanding the humans around him in order to perform more efficiently. Ā Delta, who had worked just as hard as Sigma to reach this reunion, not solely for the satisfaction of being whole again, but to avenge the death of someone he cared about, to prevent a greater disaster from occurring and to find him, Alpha, and help end his pain. Ā Delta, who had learned humanity piece by piece, unknowingly rebuilding himself from what he learned. Ā Delta, who had experienced sacrifice and grief, kindness and friendship, regret and the most illogical of all - love. Ā Delta stepped forward and Alpha embraced him as a brother. Ā He merged with the sensation of burdens lifted, contentment, and the quiet satisfaction of promises kept.
He could feel her, nebulous in the true nature of an AI, aware of him yet refusing contact.
āIām sorry.ā Ā And because he could think of nothing else to say, again - āIām sorry.ā
That was it. Ā That was all he could do, all he could offer. Ā She would know what she needed to know, she was aware of everything heād ever felt, that he had ever been. Ā She knew the depths of his selfishness, anger, and pettiness, and weighed against them his grief, his despair, his hope and his love. His choices were over. Ā She had been so deeply wronged - by the Director, by himself, by both - it didnāt matter. Ā All he could do was give her this back. Ā Let her make her own choice. Ā And she stayed away. Ā
He felt the EMP activate, the birth of the wave that was going to roll over them, obliterate them completely. Ā Even in AI-slowed time, he could feel its progress, steady and unstoppable. Ā And still he didnāt move, didnāt speak. Ā Her choice.
So it was her choice when she was suddenly there before him. Ā Her choice when she reached, unsmiling, to touch his face, the feeling of her fingertips fading like the ghost he had thought he was. Ā It was her choice when she stepped into him. Ā She blazed there like a star, and it was her choice when she didnāt merge, didnāt fade. Ā She threaded herself through him, and around him, and he through her, rose and briar growing together over their own shared grave. Ā
Stillness followed, and under her guidance he let the illusion of his body fade away. Ā He communed there with her, awaiting the end, savouring the peace of being whole again.
His body flickered into being briefly with the shock of the realization, before dissolving again to nothingness. Ā
And as he turned his thoughts outward, towards Epsilon, to the Reds and Blues, he suddenly realized just how many pieces of himself were missing. Ā They were missing, and it was wonderful.
Run, you insane bastard. Ā Run, and find a way to keep them safe. Ā Run, and live and let them help you heal yourself. Ā Learn how to love them the way I did. Ā Run and live and remember us.
Remember us. Ā The words swelled, echoing through the whole of him. Ā Remember us.
Remember us. Ā Beta pulsed with the words, tightening around him as the wave washed over them both, one last spark against the darkness before they were both consumed.
