JoyLeanne

She sat on the floor of his room flipping through photos of his summer travels while he filled on his lap top playing clips of his favorite new songs. There is was a time when hanging out in a boys room may have raised some eyebrows, but they had been friends for so long that no one really thought about it any more. The door was always open and his large family was always passive back and forth popping a head in to ask about Lilly's summer or give her a message to pass along to her parents.

Though they had seen each other off and on through the summer it had always be in large groups. They attended the same youth group along with a number of their friends from school and the summer had been filled with pool parties, bbqs, and floats down the river. In between summer jobs and family trips they had both managed to attend a few of the gatherings and had hung out some. But always in the chaos of the larger group. This was the first time it had been just the two of them since that moment in the school parking lot on graduation night.

The time apart had given her room to think through the night and she realized now with a sinking hear that her gut reaction had been accurate. She was head over heals in love with her best friend. As she sat there listening to him casually talk about the girls he had met and hung out with this summer, she figured he had no such revelation.

She sat on the creaky swing with her hands wrapped around a mug of hot tea. The steamy heat of the ocean air would normally make hot tea unthinkable in late June, but the storm brewing over the waves cooled this down considerably. A cool breeze collided with the heat sending a bolt of lightning ripping through the sky, landing in the water. She would have to go back inside soon, but for now the lightening was far enough out at sea that she was still safe on the beach house deck.

The humidity of the ocean air and coming rain was reeking havoc on her hair and she pulled the wild mess on to the top of her head. She let out a huge sigh thankful for the brief moment of quiet. She rolled her neck back and forth working the kinks out of her neck after the long drive earlier that day. Working the kinks out of her brain wasn't quiet so easy.

She couldn't figure out what was wrong with her this summer. She normally looked forward to these two weeks all year. The great big beach house they stayed at every year. They had been coming so long that she thought of it as “their” beach house even though they had no real claim on it other than the standing reservation for the last week in June and first week of July. She loved the sprawling decks and porches. She loved the lack of air conditioning and how they cooled the house by opening the big windows and running box fans day and night. She even loved sharing the often stuffy attic room with her cousin, staying up late into the night talking, laughing, and playing card games

Her forehead pressed against the window as she watched rain pour down in sheets. It was almost morning, but the rain clouds blocked and rays attempting to warm to the earth. Her hands tightened around her blue mug, steam coming off of her cinnamon tea.  Her cell phone sat on the windowsill and she waited for it to ring. The past 24 hours had been the longest of her short life and exhausted as she was she knew she wouldn’t rest until she had received a call from her parents that their flight had landed and they were safe.

                She stood on the curb shifting her weight back and a forth her face flushing as she waited for him to finish a conversation with his ex-girlfriend. The twine handles the gift bag seemed to cut into her hand as she second guessed the gift.

                Her heart sank as both of them made their way over to her under the streetlamp. She mustarded a smile for the girl and tried to not show the panic she felt over him opening the gift in a group. They made small talk for a few moments before she wandered away to congratulate another graduate and they were left alone.

                The cool breezes from a week before had given way to stifling heat and her hands were seating as she finally handed them bag and held her breath while he opened it. She scuffed her dress shoes on the concrete and stared across the parking lot waiting for his response.

                A smile played on his lips as he looked at the picture frame. How perfectly she had captured the past year.  He put it back into the bag and swept her into a hug. Placing her feet back on the curb he felt his heart start to pound. He still hadn’t decided what to do.

                Their paths were moving apart. For the first time in five years they wouldn’t be seeing each other on a regular basis. To say something, to do something, now hardly seemed fair to her. Would it be the perfect good bye? Or would it be a promise he would unsure he could keep.

                He realized he was still holding her hand, both of them lost in their own thoughts. He took a deep breath and put hand on her waist drawing her closer.

“I’ve been thinking about this for weeks.” He murmured. “But I’m not sure if I should ask you.”

A smile pulled at his lips as her noticed the question in her eyes.

She leaned over the deck railing and pulled another bobby pin from her hair. She had shed her shoes an hour before and left them by a table with a jumble of other sandals and heals. Turning around she pressed her back to the smooth wood. Over head hundreds of twinkle lights gave way a sky full of late spring stars. She stared at the sky for a long time wanting to avoid looking at the laughing couples on the dance floor.

She wasn’t sure how it had happened, but sometime in the last year her classmates had grown up. They had gone from a group of giggling school girls talking about boys at sleep overs to girls on the verge of womanhood spending their Friday nights dreaming and planning for futures with these same boys.  She felt the familiar tug of panic in her stomach. They were moving on so quickly and she was terrified. Terrified of being left behind, but equally terrified of moving forward. Time seemed to be propelling her forward and she was dragging her feet.

The music changed and she finally glanced up. Sure enough, there he was, making his way to her.  The air had turned cooler and he slipped his jacket around her shoulders before leading them onto the dance floor. They had been friends for over five years and through a strange string of events this song had become “theirs” over the past year.  In the midst of the chaos and changes that year dancing to their song had been a highlight.

He sensed her melancholy this evening but didn’t push her to talk. At first he assumed it was sadness over the year ending. In another week they would all part ways and it was unclear when or if they would all see one another again. Noticing her sigh he glanced over his shoulder to see what she was staring at and then turned a quizzical gaze back to her. She hung her head for a moment before lifting her head up to look into his brown eyes.

“When did it happen?” she asked. “When did they all grow up?”

Her words hung in the air heavy with pain, regret, and panic. She wasn’t ready. She felt her breath catch and her pulse raced. It was all happening too fast.

He pulled her a touch closer and held her gaze. Her breathing steady as she focused on the music, the steps, his hand tapping the beat on her back.  He tipped his head and whispered in her ear.