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I had so much time to prepare, to gather information, resources, but instead, I used the precious time given to me, dreaming and waiting, wasting and hoping that somehow my purpose will come to me. That it would be delivered on a platter and I'll be ready to get up and dust myself off and grab it. Grab it and take off and be the warrior I am always meant to be. 

well, you dumb fool, that will never happen. And you can sit here and feed your laziness, feed your obsession, and feed the lies you've prepared yourself. I can promise you that if you continue down that destructive path, you will get nothing but a wasted body and a wasted soul. Nothing remotely good will come out of your life; you'd be considered wasted space, a miserable mishap, a reckless disturbance. and you'll be forgotten five years from your death. 

people will never remember your name, your memory, your history Because there would be nothing of you to remember.

It might be yours, the destiny on a platter, but it has to be earned, it has to fought for with blood and sacrifice.