The Redheaded Twin

Have you ever been walking down the same street you've walked down dozens of times, yet suddenly feel like your eyes have been opened and are seeing everything through a new set of eyes? Everything is beautiful. Not new - because you've seen that same black back sitting in the closed, abandoned bar for the past four months - but curious. Ambiguity is such a funny thing - behind every closed door is a story. Some are lonely, some are full of strife, others are full of genuine happiness. The walls of each room could tell a story if they could speak - instead, they remain silent bystanders, full of a history that the future occupant of such a room will never understand. 

First of all - flammable, screen-printed paint?! The printmaker and pyro in me just made love.

I am loving these recent paintings by Jackie Tileston. The use of raw canvas is quite appealing and adds to the juxtaposition between organic landscape imagery and bold pattern. She cites Chinese landscape motifs among her influences (also one of my favorite sources of inspiration), which I definitely relate, but the colors along with the detail of some of the shapes remind me of some sort of Willy Wonka-esque dream tour. 

I am so into the creepy, fluffed up doll thing. Always have been I guess, part of my penchant for costumery.

I love this video - partially for the visual appeal, and also because I completely understand the sentiment. Growing up in a pseudo-southern/religious culture where it's common for girls in their late teens and early twenties to "settle down" - because that's what good girls do - it's refreshing to be in an environment where that's relatively uncommon. I've had several personal experiences with people I've known taking the former route, or at least "accepting" that it's how they're "supposed" to act, and it makes me wonder - where are all the strong women in this world? I don't mean strong in the sense that everyone has to portray themselves as masculine (because that's not the definition of strong), but women who own themselves and find what they're passionate about and pursue it with zeal. That could mean something completely different for two different people, but women who only aspire to deem themselves worth something if they're with someone: come on, girls.  You can do better than that. For yourself, not for anyone else. You're young! Be selfish to a certain extent. Find out what you want first of all. The rest will fall in place as it's supposed to, but don't be afraid to fail. It's scary, I know, but the learning experiences are worth it. And yes, it'll be sloppy.

Drawing... it's nice to see you again. I've been missing you a lot lately. Let's do this all the time. And let's keep it messy. Let's invite painting next week. And, in a month or so, we'll ask printmaking to come along too.

What a hiatus. I feel like I've been going non-stop and haven't had a moment to slow down until now. Updates? Well, I packed my bags and everything I own (save my paintings, those will be shipped later), and moved my little redheaded self to Chicago. It's been home for the past 3 months now.

Step 1: Find an apartment. Check!

Step 2: Find a full-time job that I can succeed in and will allow me to afford my own studio space. Check!

Step 3: Find a studio...working on it.

Meanwhile, I've just started to take care of myself and get back into yoga, and am so glad that I have. I need time to myself to not think, but just be. Accept the things I cannot change and delight in the inconsistencies of life. What do I have to complain about? Life is no longer stale! I'm somewhat uncomfortable again and don't have everything figured out! I revel in that feeling. It challenges me, gives me something to work towards daily and enjoy the quirks. What I once found irritating and would whine about, I now find whimsical and charming (yes, I caulked the kitchen in the apartment I moved into and the floor looks like it's been reflected in fun house mirrors and I spent 12 hours sitting on the living room floor putting together my dresser with my own hands). It's beautiful to improve something with your hands, to see potential in every corner of your quirky apartment/life. Small surprises surround me, like when I walk down the street and smell the scent of laundry coming from the bottom floor of my apartment, when I walk past the painting gallery on the bottom floor of my building that holds events every night where people bring their own wine and learn to paint amongst colorful glass bottles and neon lights and friends, and when I stumble across a family-owned restaurant right down the street that is perfect for weekend breakfast. Whatever makes a story, am I right?

Everything that is known and comfortable is being pulled out from underneath me, by my own choice.

Anything else is clearly not an option.

I am thrilled and frightened and exhilarated and finally feel like who I want to be again. 

With every pulse, the venom of excitement runs through my veins, and I will cling to this feeling for as long as humanly possible.