너를 곁에서. ☆

Dearest Kim Jongin,

December 21, 2011 I fell in love with your talent. As the years have gone by I’ve fallen deeper and deeper in love with every part of you. You’re gorgeous, your heart is unfailingly kind whether with little Taeoh or your kids Monggu, Jjanggu, and Jjanggah… You have a beautiful soul and a beautiful mind. You’re dedicated, hardworking, and put the fans before yourself.

I finally saw you on February 14th of this year after years of crying about not being able to see you because of stupid situations and misfortunes. It was probably the happiest day of my life despite passing out and getting dragged out of the pit.

Wow, I love you Kim Jongin. I love the way you cry, the way you smile. I love your voice, your eyes, your lips, your fluffy hair and beautiful body. I love your sweet disposition and the way your dancing moves my soul.

But, Kim Jongin doesn’t love me. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know that I exist in any way, shape, or form.

But Kim Jongin loves a girl. He found a girl he cares about and treats like a princess. He found someone to make him laugh and smile. He found a girl that makes him happy. He makes me happy, and the fact that someone can make him smile brings me comfort.

I may love Kim Jongin, but I cannot be loved by him. It may make me sad to know I can’t be his reason to smile, but it fills me with joy to know that he has one.

The Kim Jongin I love and gawk and giggle at every passing day will never see me. I never had a chance. But she did. He sees her. He loves her.

To my fellow heartbroken fans, find it in your heart to be happy that our sunshine found a sunshine of his own. Do NOT shower her with hate for being a source of happiness for our angel. I am a fan of Kim Jongin. She is his girlfriend. She brings him joy, and I could never hate her for that.

Kim Jongin, I adore you as much as a fan can adore an idol, and I am filled with a love that forces me to be happy for you. She makes you happy, and I will always treasure your happiness.