Let the past die

@perfidess​

TEMPTATION. The bane of all those vulnerable to it. Promises whispered to give those lost to their own vulnerability a flicker of hope; a semblance of direction to their directionless existence. Unable to decide for himself, Kylo Ren submitted himself to it, plunging himself further into the dark side as he gave in to the temptation of power offered by this strange being now asserting its will over the island.

     WHAT CHANGED HIS MIND? what broke the proverbial dam? why now did these truths come flowing freely like a tide crashing ashore in a storm? “ this place ”, he’d said— it’d messed with him, changed something in him, brought to light everything he sought to keep buried beneath that layer of rage and resentment she’d come to know so well. it was all just a mask, like that helmet he hid behind to escape the ghosts. they’d seen him now; he was exposed, like a nerve, and they gathered at his open wounds like an infection.

                                 i killed my own father.

     her heart lurched against her chest, his words ringing in her head. why, she wanted to ask, but he was quick to answer before she had the chance to say a thing. this is what he carried with him every day, why every glimpse of emotion seemed harrowed by a nameless something. 

                                                                          —now she knew why.

     stunned into silence, her eyes never left him, taken aback by his confessions. her lips parted, like she wanted to say something— but there was nothing. what do you say to that? she wanted to tell him it’ll be alright, that she can try to understand… but she couldn’t. 

                                                                … but maybe there was a way she could.

     rogue lowered her gaze as she turned to him then, peeling her glove from a hand. moving to stand before him, she then raised that hand toward his cheek… but she didn’t touch him, only hovering her fingertips shy his skin as she met his eyes somberly, brow low.

          “ … ah want to understand. ” she murmured gently, “ … but only if you’ll let me. ”

KYLO prepared for the worst. For rejection, for anger to take her place before she could even try to understand why he did what he did. That was how it always turned out. Nothing could ever excuse his murder of Han Solo, even if it was for severing his connection to him; to his father’s love. Yet that act had done nothing but broken him further, a nail in the coffin that would gradually close upon him, the gravity of his sin heavier than anything in the known galaxy. IT would have been his reckoning and if it came in the form of the mutant woman he gradually saw as a genuine companion... then so be it. He would take that punishment head on and finally accept the truth that he is nothing more than a monster begging to be put down.

BUT nothing came at him. She didn’t lash at him for his transgression nor did she attack him with words of spite and loathing at what he had done. Instead, she offered a hand. Something that genuinely caught him off guard. SHE offered to try and understand.

     THE THINGS HE’D LONG BURIED and left behind were bubbling to the surface, drawing new breath, and she had just fed that budding fire. he couldn’t stem the tide of memories now flowing free, like the life from an open wound, weeping every terrible thing he’s ever done— she could see it in his eyes, as they told wordless stories before he had even opened his mouth. when he did however, she listened with a growing concern reflecting in her gaze, in a knotted brow, before he finally confirmed what she knew all along… that didn’t make it any easier to hear.

     rogue looked away then, holding herself. when did it get so cold? how do you answer to something like that? she’d never had this kind of trouble before. she’d known her fair share of killers— heck, wade had plenty of blood on his hands, but she welcomed him into her heart all the same. this was… different somehow. she wasn’t about to discount the lives lost at his hands, but it was an elephant in the room they needed to address.

                                                                                    and it was about time.

          “ … ah know. ” and he was wrong, but on the off chance he knows that, she continued, albeit sternly, “ … whatever you’ve done… that ain’t mine t’forgive, nor is it mine t’justify. if it’s vindication yer wantin’, that ain’t what i’m offerin’. ”

     but—

          “ —but ah also know there’s more to it than that. ” what she did have was an ear, and she was ready to listen, “ … so what changed? ”

KYLO hesitated to even tell her that confession, for fear of rejection, an act that seemed to happen to him a lot in recent memory. But when she told him that she knew, deep down, that he had already killed people before, a twisted form of relief washed over him. He had grown so used to her company that he actually dreaded telling her the truth of his darkened nature. BUT that was not the worst of his past transgressions. Not by a long shot.

     HE’S DEFINITELY DIALED BACK ON THE ATTITUDE SOME— not like she couldn’t handle a little sass and a temper tantrum every now and again. but this wasn’t like all those other times, where he tried so desperately to veil whatever lurked beneath the anger and bid for control, whatever was hiding in those shadows haunting him everywhere he went. he’d finally granted her a peek beyond the curtain, allowed himself some kind of reprieve. for the first time in a long time, he was truly vulnerable. 

     and maybe, just maybe, if she reached out her hand in offer… he’d take it this time.

          “ … coulda fooled me. ” rogue quipped gently, before following his eyes to his helmet.

     there was nothing there; nothing reflecting in that oblivion with which he masked himself— only he wasn’t hiding behind it anymore. so why now…?

          “ … ah don’t needa be a telepath t'be able t’tell you got a lot on yer mind. ” her voice drifted kindly into the silence between them, pruned of its usual thorns, while she again searched his expression, “ … so talk t’me. ”

GLOVED fingers ran across the cracked dome of his helmet, tracing the burning scarlet cracks where it was forged back together. Kylo looked at it with heavy contemplation, wondering just what he meant to do with this after Palpatine promised him power? Become a symbol of fear for the galaxy, like his grandfather did before him? Kylo Ren would have liked that. LET the past die. Kill it if you have to. That was once his mantra. But was it truly, or were they words put into his head like a hypnotizing spell after Snoke and Palpatine corrupted the impressionable young boy and fledgling Jedi, Ben Solo? No, he thought to himself. His actions and misdeeds; all of those murders and atrocities were on his hands.

     FOR A GUY THAT KEPT TO HIMSELF ALL THE DAMN TIME, he was pretty easy to find— or maybe she had just gotten good at searching him out. that kind of darkness left footprints, and she knew how to follow them. she had run into him more than enough to learn, that’s for sure. so, stepping up beside him without so much as a hint of reservation, rogue met his gaze. there was no falter in the way she looked at him anymore, the way she stood by him, her arm scarcely grazing his, and yet, her words were steeled like always.

          “ … should i? ”

                                                   … maybe i kinda like havin’ you around.

ONCE upon a time, he may have tried to hide himself from her presence. Turn hostile, even. But that part of him had slowly ebbed away and though still plainly with the dark side, without his dead master’s influence and the voices in his head that whispered promises of power silent, Kylo’s long buried subconscious-- his former identity as Ben Solo, slowly but surely made himself known. It helped that this woman saw right through him even without the Force. LEIA would have liked her.

KYLO always seemed to find himself in her company. Once he thought her a nuisance; a stubborn woman who wouldn’t lend her powers to him despite his promises of something much greater. Like that fool of a scavenger. But now? NOW, he didn’t seem to mind her company at all anymore. In fact... it was rather welcome. After all, she was the only person on this island that actually acknowledged him for who he was underneath all of his villainy and darkness. Hell if he would ever admit that, however. He would rather die than tell her that.

KYLO had been always drawn to conflict. Or was it the other way around, the Force working as mysteriously as it is wont to do. Indeed, again he could feel the pull of the light side, his influence over the shadow of its opposite growing weaker every day and yet he couldn’t bring himself to fight it. He tried, of course, but now it all seemed so... tiring.  ONCE more, he felt split down to the bone. Maybe that’s why he found this woman. After all, she looked just as lost as he did. More than he could initially realize.

@saberweiss​

HER name came only in passing among the recovered Jedi archives that his old master, Luke Skywalker, had once uncovered. Ahsoka Tano, the apprentice of Anakin Skywalker during the Clone Wars. Most of what Kylo knew was secondhand, but she became of great interest to him as a young fledgling Jedi studying under Luke. He could only imagine what it would have been like to be the apprentice of the man that would become Vader. BEN felt envy back then.

ANAKIN SKYWALKER. A legend among legends. A true Jedi in every sense of the word. And like every Jedi during his time, he too, fell during the Clone Wars. From Anakin’s ashes came forth Darth Vader. Whereas Anakin became a symbol of the Jedi Order, Vader became the symbol of power that the Sith held. And Kylo Ren chose Vader over Anakin because of this power. Any weaker man would have chosen otherwise. BUT what of Anakin himself? Has his grandfather accepted his fate?

     SHE DIDN’T SAY A THING, leaving him to his silence, and whatever thoughts he was buried in. she’d never seen him so… quiet; heck, there was something almost peaceful about the way he had composed himself in that very moment. what had been a fire, eating away at everything that laid before it, was now little more than a whisper, a steady bud of flame. she knew in her heart there was something going on, but… the words were never right, and neither was it the time.

     despite her concerns, rogue said nothing. she’s only meant to check up on the guy, see if he was doing alright in light of their recent findings, what with the circumstances— but he was likely dealing with it in his own way, and she had to respect that. hugging herself, she closed her eyes, the softest exhale passing her lips… before she angled away from him, a boot scuffing against the dirt.

                                                     maybe she was the last thing he needed right now.

EMPTINESS. Powerful was the dark side and he relished it all despite his hesitations from the past. Yet right now it had failed to provide him answers, his expression scrunching up in frustration as Kylo struggled to find guidance after recent revelations. Anger from that frustration continued to bubble and boil, that flame in him growing wild once again. But if he was to find answers, he knew it would take more than just the power of the dark side to aid him. SO he calmed his mind and focused. Focused on the one thing that might help him go through such a unique ordeal. Then, his mind formed an image. That of a young woman with a streak of white hair amongst dark auburn...

     She laughs lightly upon seeing all the red and pink decorations hung about, azure gaze looking at them curiously.

     ❝ It is good to see so many people getting ready to enjoy the upcoming festivities. Perhaps the subject matter is a little strange but nevertheless, something worth celebrating for sure, ❞