Heart and Sole

I've had this account for more than 10 years but have mainly been a lurker. Finally decided it's time to start interacting with the community.

35 Male

Mostly ler but I consider myself a switch. I've never been tickled but I imagine that I'd really enjoy it.

5'9", 170-ish lbs, shoe size 10

Super nerdy. Into most fandoms, video games, board games, D&D, etc.

I already made a post about this on discord, but now that all the return travel is done I have had more time to quietly think and get my thoughts together a bit better and expand on my experience.

OK, so I'll start off by saying I'm glad I went. That, in and of itself, is a huge win for me. This was not only my first NEST but also my first ever time at any sort of kink event. I have for a long time enjoyed the online aspects of this kink and I have known about NEST for a long time now. I knew it would be difficult for me as an extreme introvert with crippling social anxiety but I had hoped that I was mentally prepared enough to finally engage with the community in person.

The reality hit once the event "officially" began on Friday and the first public tickle game took place. I am ashamed to admit but that day was the first time I had experienced any form of tickle play in person. It was no longer me just gooning to online tickle content anymore. This is actually happening. It was honestly a very stimulating and overwhelming experience. I ducked out of the room fairly early and grabbed a drink to try to decompress. That's when my brain went haywire and started telling me that I made a mistake by coming, that I didn't belong here and it was stupid for me to make something as large as NEST the first gathering I go to, that someone else who really wanted to come was screwed out of their ticket because of me. Not gonna lie, I went back to my room and had broke down into a lengthy cry session.

Things got better as the weekend progressed but I still didn't manage to build enough courage to talk to anyone about setting up a session or scene. But I did mingle a little bit and met a few new people. I had a blast playing Smash Bros. in the game room and doing emo karaoke.

But here's the important and most significant part:

I opened up to a few people about what was going on and I gotta say, the way you guys listened and the level of understanding, kindness, and support you all gave is the defining feature that makes this community so great. You all don't know how much it meant to me in the moment when we would see each other in passing throughout the weekend and you would ask if I was doing ok. I would give you all a shoutout but it would be a huge disservice to all the wonderful, caring, and compassionate people that I'd probably forget to mention. Just know that you guys kept me from going into a further downward spiral and I appreciate the fuck out of each and every one of you.

And to the squad that I mostly hung out around (y'all know who you are)

I love you guys so fucking much. I don't know how many times I felt like I was being a downer or ruining your good time. But you stuck with me. For that I am truly grateful and I'm proud to call you all my friends.

And also to the event staff: Y'all were fucking amazing! You guys worked your asses off to put all of this together. Your hard work didn't go unnoticed.