Recap Everything

Alec: Look, um...I know with everything that's been going on, w-we haven't had a chance to... Magnus: Go on that first date we never had? Alec: Right! Yes! Magnus: I know a place in SoHo…or we can portal to Marrakesh. You hungry? Alec: Starving!

Remember the time when Toby used to be A and Spencer completely went off the deep end and even started KIDNAPPING CHILDREN just because she wanted to join The A Team. And then she found out Toby wasn’t really dead and wasn’t really evil either, so they met up in some dinky motel room and got MAD LAID. And then Spencer’s crazy ass was magically cured because SPOBY SEX had a rehabilitative effect on her sanity.

Remember the time when Ezra was an evil mofo who lied to Aria about chick peas and spied on her through his HIDDEN SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS in his underground evil lair!?!? He was even spying on her while she sleeps! WHO DOES THAT!?!?!?

And then somebody shot Ezra on a rooftop and the show kept acting like it was SO HEROIC that Ezra took a bullet for his beloved Aria and she even forgave him for everything afterwards. He may have been forgiven, but I will NEVER FORGET his creepy ways.

Remember the time when Alison actually went to church and we thought she was praying for God to absolve her past sins, but it turns out she was just there because she wanted to cruise for some hot older guys? And then Lorenzo started flirting with her and Alison said she goes to church because she liked THE MUSIC there because the girl got no game.

And then, we thought this was the beginning of Alison’s spiritual awakening, but bitch never stepped foot inside another church again.

Remember that time when Caleb came back from Ravenswood and broke up with Hanna out of the blue because he fell in love with his co-star Miranda? Hanna asked him for a simple explanation, but he couldn’t give a reason other than saying IT’S COMPLICATED for fifty times. And then he left her for Miranda and poor Hanna was crying her little heart out. Remember this pain, Hanna! Remember this sorrow! Remember how much he hurt you this night and never forget it no matter what!

And then Ravenswood was a massive flop that got cancelled after one season, so Caleb came crawling back to PLL with his tail tucked in between his legs, and Hanna got back together with him in a millisecond because you can’t deny the POWER OF HALEB.

Remember the time when Detective Wilden died, but then his dead body got replaced by a dead pig and we still couldn’t really tell the difference? And then the pretty little liars arrived at his funeral looking like TRAMPS in their skimpy funeral dresses. They even molested his dead corpse looking for imaginary A clues.

And then Mona showed up wanting to sit with the rest of the pretty little liars at the funeral, but oops there’s no room for evil fifth wheels, so Mona ended up being relegated to the back row WHERE SHE BELONGS.

Remember the time when Shana became seriously deranged overnight and she put on a black hoodie and even pulled out A FRIGGING GUN on the pretty little liars? It turns out she was on a suicide mission to avenge her master, Jenna. And then Aria used her karate skills to save the day and knocked Shana off the stage and ended up killing dat bitch. *lolsplat*

And then we all sighed in relief, knowing Shana is finally dead, because we all hated her character for being an annoying irrelevant evil lapdog who kept being shoehorned into important storylines.

And then Sara Harvey’s character appeared next season and our nightmare cycle began again.

Remember the time when Spencer went on a drug binge and she was so baller that she even started taking drugs on school property? And then she got so high that she was sexting Toby like a dog on heat. When Hanna tried to grab a bite of her cookie, Spencer SLAMMED DOWN her palm of thunder because nobody steals from her stash! You may be my friend, but this pot cookie is MINE!

And then, Spencer headed to Potheads Anonymous to cure her drug addiction, but ended up taking all the brownies at the refreshments table before immediately peacing out again. Don’t mind me, you druggies, I’m just here for the free food.

Remember the time when A drugged the pretty little liars and they woke up in a morgue WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES ON and we were all abhorred because A  probably implanted some alien embryo into each of their uterus!?!?

And then A leaked these artistic nudes in Aria’s gallery show, which was a bit awkward because A’s photos were actually better composed than Aria’s original creepy doll pictures.

And then, Aria gave birth to a reptile baby precisely nine months later.

Remember the time when Alison asked Charlotte about her relationship with Jason and that crazy bitch was like EWW THAT’S GROSS! HE’S MY BROTHER! but then she didn’t outright deny the allegations? The word is NO, Charlotte, try saying it as your hollow conscience may allow.

And then we saw the two of them hugging more intimately than a brother and sister should touch each other. It was at that moment when I started shipping the two of them together. <3