get realmed idiot

THE HORSE POST: https://www.tumblr.com/qsmpcensusbureau/721117398926753792/tell-us-about-the-quesadilla-island-horse-right

Theory 1: Polyamory

Theory 2: Through Forever’s insistence and general charm, Philza chooses Forever.

Theory 3: Through Missa’s gentle encouragement and good parenting skills, Philza chooses Missa.

Theory 4: Through consistent begging and good pathetic man voice, Philza convinces Quackity to add his wife to the server, immediately marrying her, ending the competition.

Theory 5: In a desperate final bid to prove that he cannot love them he attempts to contact the underworld to hilarious results, but Kristen never picks up the phone in the end

Theory 5a: Forever and Missa find out canonically about Philza’s extensive lore, and are so weirded out by it they decide maybe it’s better to leave him be

Theory 6: Philza asks Wilbur for relationship advice

Theory 6a: Philza asks Foolish for relationship advice, Foolish would probably answer something otherworldly and wise, like “Well, kiss them both and whoever is the better kisser is a better husband!” Leaving Phil to become a little self-conscious about his ‘good husbandship’

Theory 7: in a surprise triple sweep FitMC enters the battlefield at the last second and sweeps Philza off his feet

Theory 8: Phil says he only needs his kids and runs away into the woods holding them like kittens in his mouth

Theory 9: In a dramatic attempt to win Philza’s affection Missa and Forever preform “El Tango De Roxxane (Moulin Rouge 2)” to see who he prefers. Phil then reveals he’s never seen the movie.

Theory 10: Cucorucho, already invested heavily in the lives of the people, arrives and Phil’s house and will not leave until he chooses.