The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Season 1 ( Sentence Starters )
“I am not a violent man, _____. But if i were, I would take you upstairs to my apartment and throw you out the window. Do you know why I’m not throwing you out this window? Because my window is on a higher floor and I want to make sure it sticks.”
“I’m sorry, I thought we were truth telling.”
“Are you going to answer my question with a question?”
“When I sent you to that fancy goyische college, what was the one thing I told you?”
“They’ll have terrible deli?”
“I wanted to make sure there were great dancers at our wedding, so I hired some chorus boys from The Pajama Game to come and dance.”
“I need a drink. I need a stiff drink. I need a drink so stiff I could blow it.”
“Of course I was serious, ____, what the hell ever made you think I wasn’t serious?”
“Don’t act like a child.”
“You can’t judge her like this, you don’t even know her.”
“Hey, I didn’t fuck my secretary, that was you.”
“Me, personally, I was never great at gift giving. Maybe it’s because I never got to celebrate Christmas.”
“Oh, sir, I’m Jewish. I pay people to do that.”
“You have a lot of my things, actually. You’re welcome.”
“Don’t you ever send a message to anyone saying ‘your drug dealer is outside,’ that could go wrong in so many ways.”
“Worst part was the blood. It was everywhere. On the walls, on the floor.”
“Boy, do you know how to make an entrance.”
“You know the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning? It was the last time I stayed out all night and got home at 9:30 in the morning.”
“Are you happy? Are you happy that you’ve ruined my life?”
“What do you mean ‘of course not’?”
“Well your wife obviously has a sense of humor, she’s seen you naked.”
“Should we get lunch somewhere? Is there a mayonnaise and wonder bread café opening up somewhere we could try?”
“You said you didn’t want our life. But this is our life: you didn’t go somewhere exotic or different, you went across the fucking street.”
“I would listen to her, she looks like she knows what she’s talking about.”
“Well, you know I never like to be more than three feet from a lickstick.”
“Oh, it is so much better that you just forgot. You know, my fear was that you remembered and chose not to meet me. But now that I know I literally didn’t even enter into your mind…”
“Why did he leave? Why wasn’t I enough?”
“If I come home and she’s moved me into the kids’ room, I’ll have to kill you. I’ll feel bad about it, but it will happen.”
“I’m just gonna say it, because I want you to hear it, and after I say it and after you hear it, we are not gonna discuss it again.”
“Nothing. You call me nothing. You don’t talk to me or look at me. If you see me on the street, you will cross the street, whether or not there is a crosswalk present. Your pedestrian safety is of no importance to me anymore.”
“Women are supposed to be mothers. It’s supposed to be natural. It comes with the tits, right? The equipment is pre-installed.”
“____, he just sold you some line ‘cause he wants to get in your pants.”
“What are you talking about? This is great, you’re like the pet we never had.”
“It doesn’t matter, just let me kiss you again.”
“Are those two really your children or did we just break in and kidnap a couple kids?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean?”
“Nothing I’ve done has made any sense.”
“Do you know I’ve seen her twice with her shirt on inside out? Twice. Once, fine, you were rushed in the morning. Twice, you can only be trusted to butter people’s corn at the county fair.”
“You want a smack in the face?”
“Alright everybody, time’s up. Put your papers on my desk if they contain the correct answers. Otherwise… just don’t.”
“____, there’s something I have to tell you.”
“I don’t mind being alone. I just do not want to be insignificant.”
“I couldn’t get a clean slate for one fucking day.”
“Uh… do you need me to be understanding or something? I can pretend to do that.”
“And I’m officially losing my mind, which is perfect.”
“It’s two o’clock in the morning. Don’t you wear a watch?”
“Life isn’t fair, it’s hard and cruel. You have to pick your friends as if there’s a war going on.”
“I don’t care what it is, but if it’s bad, I deserve it. I had it coming.”
“That’s a lot of health issues. Your family might want to eat some fruit.”
“Why do we have to pretend to be stupid when we’re not stupid? Why do we have to pretend to be helpless when we’re not helpless?”
“____, does your son not know the word ‘therefore’? I feel like that’s where I lost him.”
“To be truly effective, you must be ugly.”
“So this is what you were missing? Pot roast and Santa Claus?”
“The first time I laid eyes on you…that was it for me.”
“Spontaneity works until it doesn’t work. Then you’re stuck.”
“She’s young, she’s empty-headed, she doesn’t eat.”
“If women don’t realize what’s going on in the world, they won’t step in and fix it.”
“That’s Russian, motherfucker!”
“You meet a girl. Maybe she’s pretty, maybe she’s smart, maybe she’s funny… maybe your parents like her. Maybe you get really lucky, and she’s one or two of those things. I got all of them with you.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“How did I screw everything up so badly?”
“That is a girl you have on the side, ____. It’s not a girl you marry. You don’t introduce her to your fucking parents.”
“It’s downtown. If you have underwear on, you’re overdressed.”
“I loved him. and I showed him I loved him.”
“Calling that thing a house is like calling the Vatican a church.”
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