Squeegee the Blog

When Haruki Murakami said, "Sometimes I feel like a caretaker of a museum - a huge, empty museum where no one ever comes, and I'm watching over it for no one but myself." And when Audrey Hepburn said, "Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering - because you can't take it in all at once."

this is the one meme that manages to age like a fine wine

just overheard a mum in the museum ask her seven-year-old child ‘shall we say bye-bye to the skull?’

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard

hey what's up guys we are Pasta Sauce and we are so pumped to be playing the White Tank Top theatre tonight

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

soy yooo tu ángel de la guarda holiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 bueno. en como seis meses, vas a morir de hambre. 🥺 y si no te protejo, me van a: #¡despedir! 🫢 y eso No esta Chido 🙅‍♀️jajaaa Entonces. 🙏investigue acerca del tema y resulta que: ¡puedo prevenir tu muerte al 100%! 😯 ¡Uh oh! 😆 Hay más que suficiente comida para que sobrevivas sin que interfieras con la supervivencia de los demás, ¡pero no puedes teneral! 🤨 ¿Queeeé? 🤷‍♀️ Al parecer, tu muerte fue premeditada por miles de cosas llamadas "accionistas." Y bueno. 🙏 empeze a matar personas,

c'est moooi ton ange gardien coucooou 😇 bon 🙏 alors. dans genre six mois, tu vas mourir de faim. 🥺 et si je te protège pas, je vais me faire: #virer ! 🫢 et ça c'est pas Pas Super 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Donc. 🙏 j'ai fait mes recherches sur les causes de famine et devine quoi: Ta mort est 100% évitable ! 😯 Oh-oh ! 😆 Il y a largement assez de ressources pour te nourrir sans interférer avec la survie d'autrui, mais tu n'y as pas accès ! 🤨 Quoooi ? 🤷‍♀️ Apparemment ta mort a été préméditée par des milliers de trucs appelées des "actionnaires". Du coup.🙏 j'ai tué pas mal de monde,

hiiiiii 😇 我是亲的守护小天使！okay🙏 嗯。您在差不多半年会饿死哈🥺 若我不能救您我会被#炒鱿鱼！🫢 那可不行哦🙅‍♀️ 哈哈。所以昵🙏我查了一下人类饿死的原因，然后发现：诶呀呀😯亲的死是可以避免哒！😆 这世上有足够食物给亲吃，一点儿也不需要影响别人的生存率哒！但不给亲！🤨 怎么会这样昵？ 🤷‍♀️ 原来，亲的死是被一帮叫“股东”的东西计算好滴！ 所以昵🙏 我杀了一些人，

y'all are doing some rosetta stone shit to me

Ich bin's, dein Schutzengel hiiii 😇 okay 🙏 also, in ungefähr 6 Monaten verhungerst du🥺 und wenn ich dich nicht beschütze, werde ich wohl #gefeuert 🫢 und das wäre nicht gut 🙅🏼‍♀️ hahaaa also. 🙏 Ich habe mich mit den Ursachen vom Verhungern auseinander gesetzt, und stellt sich raus: Dein Tod ist absolut abwendbar 😯 ohoh 😆 Es gibt mehr als genug Nahrung, um dich durchzufüttern, ohne dass das das Überleben andere beeinträchtigt, aber die kannst du leider nicht bekommen 🤨 hääää? 🤷🏼‍♀️So wie's scheint wurde dein Tod schon von tausenden Dingen namens "Anteilseigner" beschlossen. Also. 🙏 Ich hab angefangen Menschen zu töten,

դա ես եմ, ես քո պահապան հրեշտակն եմ, ողջույն, 😇 լավ 🙏, այնպես որ: Մոտ վեց ամսից սովից կմեռնես։ 🥺 եւ եթե ես քեզ չպաշտպանեմ, կստանամ. 🫢 եւ դա լավ չէ։ 🙅‍♀️ Ես 🙏 ուսումնասիրեցի սովի պատճառները, եւ պարզվում է. 😯 Հա՜հ։ 😆 Կա ավելի քան բավարար սնունդ ձեզ պահելու համար՝ առանց որեւէ մեկի գոյատեւմանը խանգարելու, բայց ձեզ թույլ չի տրվում ունենալ այն: 🤨 Ինչպե՞ս։ 🤷‍♀️ Ըստ երեւույթին, ձեր մահը կանխամտածված է հազարավոր բաների կողմից, որոնք կոչվում են «բաժնետերեր»: Այսպիսով: 🙏 Ես սպանում եմ մարդկանց,

jIH'e' 'angbogh Da QanwI'lI' jIH luq 😇🙏. qaSpu'DI' jav jar, ghungmo' bIHegh. 🥺 'ej qaQanbe'chugh, vaj vISuq: #fired! 🫢 vaj QaQbe 🙅 ♀️' ghu'vam. 🙏 ghungmo' meqmey vInuD, 'ej SIbI' HeghlIj toDlu'chu'! 😯 HIja'! 😆 DutaHmoHmeH yapbej Soj 'ej latlh taHtaHghach nISbe'lu', 'ach Daghaj net chaw'be'! 🤨 nuqjatlh? 🤷 ♀️ HeghlIj 'e' HeSlaw' SaD lang

niiii naiz zure aingeru guardako iiiiepa 😇 ongi🙏 ea. sei hilabete barru edo, goseak hilko zara. 🥺 eta ez bazaitut babesten, #kaleratu egingo naute! 🫢 ta hori Ez Dago Ongi 🙅‍♀️ karkaaar Beraz. 🙏 Goseak hiltzearen arrazoiak ikertu ditut, eta antza denez: Zure heriotza guztiz saihesgarria da! 😯 Hara! 😆 Beste inoren biziraupena oztopatu gabe bizi ahal izateko nahikoa janari dago, baina ez duzu hartzeko baimenik! 🤨 Zeeer? 🤷‍♀️ Antza denez, zure heriotza "akziodun" deitzen diren milaka izakik planifikatu dute. Beraz. 🙏 Jendea hiltzen ibili naiz,

dekho main aapke guardian angel hoon namasteeee 😇 theek 🙏 tohh. kuch chhe mahene mein, aap bhook se mar jao ge 🥺 aur if main aapke rakshe nahi karta, main ho jaungi: fired!! 🫢 aur woh bahut Achha Nahi Hai 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Toh. 🙏 Maine bhook se marne ki vajat shogh kari, aur yeh sun: Aapke marna pure navarey hai 😯 Arey ma! 😆 Aap ke liye kaafi se aur bhi khana hai kisi aur se lene ki bina, par aap le nahi sakte! 🤨 Ye kya baat hai? 🤷‍♀️ Sun ye, aapka marna hazaaron se cheezein se pehle se vichaarit hai, ye cheez hain "shareholders." Toh. 🙏 Mai logon ko thora hatya kari vi hoon,

あたしだよぉ〜♡ アンタの守護天使でぇ〜す☆ ハーイ😇 ってゆーかぁ🙏 アンタさぁ、あと半年くらいで餓死しちゃうんだケド〜🥺 でぇ、あたしがアンタのコト守んないと、あたしマジで【#クビ】決定じゃん!?🫢 そんなんアリエナクナイ?🙅‍♀️ ウケるんですケド〜 あははっ んでぇ🙏 餓死の原因チョー調べてみたらさぁ? アンタの死、フツーに防げんじゃん!?😯 ヤバッ!😆 ってか、アンタが生きてくのに十分すぎるくらい食べ物あんのに、他の人の邪魔もしないのに、アンタにはダメなんだってぇ!?🤨 意味わかんないんですケドぉ〜?🤷‍♀️ なんかぁ、アンタの死ってぇ、「株主」とかゆー何千もの連中にあらかじめ決められてるらしーよ?ってコトで🙏 あたしさぁ、ずっと人殺しまくってるワケ、

eeeech bes din schotzängel hoooooi 😇 okei 🙏 also. i öppe sächs mönet wersch du verhongere. 🥺 ond weni dech ned beschötze den werdi: #entloo! 🫢 ond das Wemmer Ned 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Also. 🙏 ech ha rescherschiert werom das mer cha verhongere ond es het sech usegschtellt: din tood esch extreem verhenderbaar! 😯 o-oou! 😆 s'hed mee als gnueg zässe zom dech am läbe phalte oni das öpper andersch zwenig het, aber dier erlaubets need das z'haa! 🤨 Waaaas? 🤷‍♀️ aanschiined esch din tood foorsätzlech veruursacht fo tuusige fo dengs wo "akzionäär" häisset. Also. 🙏 ech ben am lüüt morde gsii,

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

carl sagan said in contact that one measure of a relationship's intimacy is in how many of each person's sub-personas can see and commune with each other. and that hit. do you wanna see if our inner children want to play together 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

image description: a comically dismayed weeping emoji /end description

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

When I was at the natural history museum, the fossil section had stickers on the glass to engage children - things like "Flap your arms like a pterodactyl" or "Measure your hand against the mosasaurus." However the first of these I encountered, which I found alarming and threatening without context, was a sticker reading "Struggle like you are stuck in a tar pit"