A Daily Dose

Fear of what we need to say.

We're lonely. I like you. Why can't I talk to you. I'm afraid. I don't know if you're telling the truth.

These things that are so personal and yet in this modern age of instant communication it seems that the only things we can't communicate are the things that are really in our hearts and on our minds.

Take, for instance, my dear friends Jenn and Georgie. Jenn and Georgie are probably one of the most relaxed couples you'll ever meet in your life and they'll do stupid cutesy stuff all the time. Bit before they got together it was very touch and go communication wise.

It wasn't the silly things people today worry about, such as not texting fast enough or whether or not they're friends with someone on Facebook (even though I myself do that...) It was somewhat key issues that everyone deals with in relationships.

Truthfully  as with most things, it was no ones fault more so than the other. As in any good relationship it was pretty much 50/50. To the fault of Jenn she was very guarded and everyone has a past. But a wonderful thing about Georgie is that she is not shameful of her past. However being vocal isn't always the best option.

As a wiseman once said, "silence can be anyone's best friend".

However Jenn has also been burned heavily in the past multiple times with multiple people. In terms of relationship luck, this girl doesn't have the best of it. This turned into me seeing something in Jenn that I often see in myself, a quick fire transition from hot to cold, playful to stone. But it was through too much unneeded communication from Georgie's end and not enough on Jenn's end that led to a not so steamy end.

In short it was eventually then that they both found it too tumultuous to continue I believe they took a break. But it was this break that didn't lead to a breakup but a breakthrough. Jenn eventually revealed that she'd been hurt and wouldn't stand for it happening again and Georgie revealed she was all in.

So for now, through open communication and honesty they got what they wanted: happiness from each other. So for now they are happy. I'd love to say the same for me, but, unlike Jenn and Georgie I can not seem to say the things I want to. It's the fear of honesty as well as that of rejection that holds me back.

It holds me back from the proper lines of communication. It also inhibits me to read too much into the simpler forms of communication we have today; texting and body/facial language.

Yet I can't blame him, I can only blame myself. Me for reading too much into quickly typed words as well as me for not wanting to off as desperate, so instead I sink further into self doubt. And we know this does not start a healthy relationship.

Anyway I hope that maybe for you guys  and girls out there you can follow Jenn and Georgie's example and not my own.

I also hope you'll maybe meet the luck they've found.

Goodbye and Goodluck ~

A precious moment for many people, and momentous one for almost all. For long periods (no pun intended) within history it was said that the first time should be saved for after the marriage ceremony had been aranged.

As history went on, as history often repeats itself, it became less and less traditional to wait for marriage.

And now in this day and age, it's seen as almost stupid and foreign to wait for marriage. Foreign in the sense that you are unfamiliar with the acts and new to this kind of "territory".

After talking with my friend Clark recently, he brought to me his situation. He had recently lost his virginity to another man with which he was attracted. As he described, jaw droppingly hot, and piss drunk.

(The fact that neither could climax from this night of one sided first passion meant nothing.)

The act of sex was still committed, and in the morning neither regretted their actions... They actually semi-took place from where they had ended.

However, as with many first times, it is that awkward picking up moment that had him concerned. While both found the even fruitful and enjoyable, they wondered what about the next time?

(I know many of you may be saying, screw it, just do it! Don't be such "babies") But remember put yourself in Clark's shoes!

This isn't some simple game for him. This takes place in a social circle very close to his, with a delicate situation at hand:

That being that neither Clark nor the other guy think they are right for each other but both enjoy the act. As with any good Rom-Com movie, Katherine Heigl, Natalie Portman, and Mila Kunis will all tell you, have the sex you'll get the heart eventually!

Now all of us in REAL life know that's not necessarily the case. The act does not lead to anything more. It's true, that a climax will lead to a chemical wanting of more and the being that brought about such climax, but that's all.

That isn't love. Love is something more. Something deeper. Something intimate. And while sex is intimate, it's also superficial and carnal.

It's an act.

Love is an emotion.

But Clark is also a realist. He doesn't want it to lead to love. He simply wants to be safe.

And that's what I told him. Guard your heart. Guard your body. But don't skip the enjoyment and passion from your life if it's coming your way like a train at full speed.

Opportunity knocks, and hopefully he'll answer. Will you?

Goodbye and Goodluck

Without a past, you have no present. I simply mean that without a past you can not be definable as the past shapes who we are today.

The reason I bring up the past, is because like all people, I'm reaching the low in my life where I am getting a bit lonely. Loneliness is not majestic nor is it weak. Loneliness is the beating of your heart and the blush of your soul crying out for another.

Simply because I myself am lonely, not for the crying out of pure lust and touch of flesh; but simply to be held and to hold. Not like a mother holds it's child though, a different more intimate touch.

And it is because of this I refer to the past. You see without the past, I could only guess what the touch of another is like and what it's like to be so close to someone that you breathe with them.

You know it's scientifically proven when you lie with someone for over an hour and you are within a one foot radius of each other your hearts beat in tandem. Your hearts beat as one. (anti. clima. tic.) 

But as stated before without the past we can not learn things, new things and relearn old things and miss them none-the-less. And yes, I do miss it right now. I miss being able to clasp my hands in someone else's, and lightly hear their breathing with my own.

Maybe I'm weak for wanting it. And maybe I'm weak for complaining, but I'll admit that at certain times I simply want nothing more than that

These moments in the past. They didn't have to start perfectly. They certainly didn't have to end perfectly. The moments only had to be perfect for just that. A moment.

I hope you learn from your past. And I hope unlike me, you do not cling to the past for too long. I hope you cling to it just long enough.

Goodbye and Goodluck!

It's an emotion, but one that doesn't go away. Mind you a love for someone is different than love itself. Even though sometimes we want it to, it will never go away. It will always be there. Through and through, like the seams of our heartstrings.

But what I find fascinating is that some people are upset when we don't show it all the time, for instance when they're feeling under appreciated. It's not that we aren't appreciating you, it's that unfortunately (at that moment) another emotion overtakes us. The love is always there. It never leaves. It's just the other emotion rests there for awhile.

But like I said love never leaves.

(This is not a real blog, just a letter)

Today I was observing two “dates” of sorts. I’m not on either of the dates so I can only make observatory notes. But I feel that’s what I’m comfortable with, third party notes as opposed to being in the fold of “battle”.

The first was both an “introductory” date and a “double” date. Kathryn, Kraig and I were introduced to our good friend, Georgina’s, boyfriend. (I’m naming him Arnold, because then I can kindly;y refer to him as Arnie) As I said, Kathryn brought along Kraig and Georgina “Georgie” brought along Arnie… I brought along my backpack.

Did I feel like a 5th wheel? A little but quite frankly they were wonderful in terms of keep the conversation open, and the table we sat at (we ate lunch together) was round so there was really no opportunity for closed off - ness. So I got over it.

Arnie reminded me Kraig. He was charming,a bit quirky, and funny, everything fit for a good first impression.  

(Honestly, before it all started, I felt like running away, as I always do in new situations like these) Slowly, however, I realized the easy dynamics that both couples fell into. The conversation had a honey coated ebb and flow: stagnant at times, but never awkward. (if that makes any sense) The four seemed as their conversation, easy going, likable and with a good chemistry.

After I began to wonder, was that a "perfect" double date? If not perfect, was it at least good? I mean I thought it was good, but technically wasn't on the date.

It's true the definition of a good date depends on the persons on said date, but there are certain "universal" rules applicable to everyone that make for a good date. Good conversation, smiling, enjoyable atmosphere and some sort of emotional connection felt by both parties.

As I left them I decided it wasn't yet time to go home, so I went to Small Point. While there I observed a couple (odd to say the least. The couple itself not seeing a couple)

Their fingers never touched, but each others presence seemed to be enough for the both of them. They didn't order anything but they did play Connect 4. (I know what you'r thinking, the most romantic game in the world.) The entire time they bickered. I thought it was funny to be honest because after he won the game, they did this little movie star kiss that was both adorable and sickening.

But that's what got me thinking what defines a perfect date?

It could be chemistry with your companion or simply an argumentative game of Connect  4. But whatever the case all that really matters is we feel comfortable on the date while still learning something.

Today I decided to skip my Brand Marketing class (yes I know I'm not a model student). But I did so because I had a panic attack in a previous class, but that's another story. Knowing that I need a little time for myself I decided to leave.

Anyway, when I skipped I ventured into this quaint little Providence coffee shop, the Small Point Cafe. Small Point (a very green, tiny coffee shop) allowed me the escape I needed after a hectic day. (I know I'm being mellow dramatic)

However while there, in walked a notoriously attractive guy (we'll call him Sly) walked in. The same scenario always happens when this occurs. I "flirt" (really it all takes place in my head) and the person leaves. Except this time the event was different. This time he didn't leave. Sly, in fact, frequently looked at me while ordering and even sat at a table across from me.

Now the flirting ended there, other than mismatched eye glances. But if got me to wonder how powerful the "subtle flirt" is. With only eye contact I was hooked. Frequently  trying to steal glances of Sly's berg blue eyes and I wanted more.

My definitions of the subtle flirt are as follows: Glance (really eye "play" of anytime) minor talk (witty, no over flirty statements) and light hand touching.

Honestly subtle flirting is highly under appreciated and I think should be rejuvenated in our society. The concept of fun and flirty tagged with a subtle flirt can make anytime unforgettable and enjoyable...

It keeps you guessing, on your toes and certainly not bored. You can only hear "let's fuck!" so many times before the line becomes boring, tired and meaningless.

That is not to say, however, that the subtle flirt can not become tired either, it just has a longer acceptable period of time. Without action though the subtle flirt can become a tease or foreplay with a let down in bed. And no one likes a let down.

Sometimes it can be an even bigger let down if subtlety is never used.

But what about you? Could you stand to be a more subtle person?

the worst when you run into someone from your past that hurt you or vice versa. That awkward moment when you see them from afar, or worse (gasp) lock eyes! (FYI I apologize for my inconsistencies with the blog; my new goal is to have it be every Monday. So yay! Monday Madness - - - I believe I stole that statement from somewhere - - -)

And then the situation seems to go down hill when that person walks up to you. Eyes unsteady, palms sweaty and emotions ranging and raging, you open your mouth. What comes out is completely up to you and from their, an awful dialogue begins, where nothing is correctly conveyed.

And isn’t it worse when the situation goes the other way and you see the person, they see you; and you both turn. You run from the path life has thrown your way. While, yes it may not be time for you, it is cowardly; it’s a perfectly realiable and natural response. 

Fight or Flight. 

Basic human instinct.

And it certainly happened to me. It actually happened to me the other day. If any of you read it frequently, it happened between myself and Matthew. Now in truth, he and I used to be “close” but not really anymore… At all, actually.

(A little back story)

He and I went to school together. I had a long standing crush on him, and for a while he had a crush on me (it was a good week and a half for me). But after going away to college for a little bit, we (and it was both of our faults) lost touch. Eventually we stopped talking. Later, I learned he dropped out of school altogether. It, for some odd reason (I CLEARLY didn’t like him, and I’ll never tell) seemed like he just dropped away from me.

So after feeling dejected, and in an attempt to “get over” someone (mind you, I was a stupid teenager, who never even had him in the first place) I bad mouthed him and every form of contact with him became “lost”. Now it wasn’t something I frequently brought up, it (as all things do) seemed to just seep away.

But I ran into him… Quite literally actually. I was leaving work, looking like a “hot mess”, while he looked like he’d come back from Italy with a brand new wardrobe. So of course we said our awkward hello’s and went our separate ways. Now I can’t speak for him, but I was criticizing everything I said, every move I made and every look I attempted to have.

And isn’t it funny when you look back on that run in later, and you realize you’re “intuition” told you something was going to happen or that something was going to go wrong. But isn’t even better when you truly look back on it, with a phase of clarity sweeping over you in that moment and it’s not so bad? That sometimes you can be proud of yourself for doing the right thing for you.

It was fine, when I looked at it later because when we look back upon ourselves, hopefully we can realize something about ourselves. It may be subconsciously, it may be consciously, but just learn something from our experiences with these people makes it all worth it. It may not happen to you soon after, but eventually everything will be alright.

Goodbye and Goodluck!

sad to go down memory lane. But in some cases you have to. And in other times, the memories just seem to fall through like rain. A rain that sometimes you never want to see again, or at other times can make you very sad.

When the memories come raining down, they just need to be dealt with. Suppressing them does nothing good for you. However, like many other human beings, I tried to do just that (big guess as to whether or not it worked?). Instead I let myself relieve some of the memories. Some of them were very happy, and from not too long ago.

But one that stuck with me was very recent. It was about a “fight” I got in with a girl who used to be one of my best friends. She and I simply lost touch, but tried to hold onto that old bond we once shared. At the last “meeting” we had together, I was foolish. I acted stupidly, but she holds some fault as well.

Now, truth be told, Naomi and I still haven’t spoken. Do I wish to reconcile? Not really, but it did make me wonder how memories and reconciliation go hand in hand, especially within relationships.

Thinking about this in mind it’s very simple, without the happiness and “warmth” we receive from the memories of the people we are “questioning”, we wouldn’t want to reconcile with them.

It’s the also the happiness from knowing that we could even build new memories similar to happy and tragic and maybe even make them better/worse. The reason I give both examples is because some people thrive on that whole roller coaster ride; not just the “climb to the heavens”.

It’s this climb and fall that we grapple with when facing the tough issues of reconciliation: Do we simply forgive and forget (often times the hardest option), go with door number 2 (the scariest option) or fall back into patterns of ease (the most frequent option).

However whatever the case, eventually reconciliation must be made, even if the person is no longer in your life. By this I mean the reconciliation with yourself over said event/person/piece of your personal history.

But whatever the case, I hope you’re happy!

Goodbye and Goodluck!

that the line of communication becomes obsolete? By that I mean, when does it become okay to stop communicating?

By this I simply mean, when is it okay to stop talking face to face altogether? Why is it that in this day and age, a greeting to the face is like seeing the town leper come after you? We as a society are more comfortable with a text message saying hi, than sitting with someone to grab a cup of coffee?

It's sad and it's a shame, but it doesn't happen to everyone. True, there are some nay sayers who want to throw it in everyone else's face that they don't text, they don't picture message, tweet, etc. Then there are the people whom simply, and humbly say, no I don't have text messaging but you can always call me.

In some ways however the line of constant communication is the only way to stay in contact. Here I am specifically speaking about long distance relationships. Take me friend Elle for example. She is a beautiful, intelligent, smart, witty girl, who at the time was in love with her high school sweetheart (the person who sets the highest standards for relationships onward)

But, of course (and I'm proud that they did it) after high school they went to colleges. In order to keep their relationship flames "lit" they would stay in contact, not almost constantly, but somewhat close to it. Like any good relationship of their age, it had an end. (How it ended is not important to the story)

When I went out with Elle much later, she expressed her dislike of her roommate constantly texting her boyfriend, even going so far as to say, "What does she text him so much for? He hun, I'm peeing right now but I love you so much I didn't want you to wait too long for the next message?" But, as she is a political major, she worked her way through it.

She went on to tell me, when she was in her roommate's "place" that she needed it for her relationship. While not being the best relationship, the long distance gave her some relief and "much needed" breathing room after being together in high school (I would also like to point out that she isn't a huge PDA "offender"). Another bonus to the long distance was that by staying in constant contact with them, it was a way to stay close, secure and definitive as to what their long distance relationship was.

Whether the communication they told each other was lies or truth, they still talked to each other. One of the great things in communicating openly in a relationship is that you can always tell what the other person is thinking, even when you think you can't.

Always remember that sometimes the solution doesn't have to be complex, it can be simple, but may require you to get through a tough obstacle to get to it.

Goodluck, and Goodnight... HAPPY MLK DAY!

on the wall, when will the "First Impression" phase fall?

If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then please let me elaborate. The "First Impression" phase of meeting someone is when you first get involved with a relationship of any kind with someone.

Those first few times when you meet with someone. You want to put your best foot/face forward when you get to know someone. But what is really amazing, when you start to slowly get out of this phase and let down the wall.

When you're done with this phase and the wall is down, that's when you feel good. You feel like yourself. To allude to yesterday's entry, you let down your armor.

So the reason I write about this is because of me. Personally, when I say something, that's how I feel. It may be simply in that moment or it may last for a while but it's how I feel. So on my car ride home I was thinking about the Party Master, and how he caught my eye not too long back. But recently I've been looking again as some things in my life.

And while the Party Master is fine, and (fun company I should add) I feel that he's a lovely person and friend... And that's all. To be honest, that's fine. Actually, it probably makes my life a little easier.

Because I love Sex and the City and always have to relate it back to relationships, here it goes. The "First Impression" phase is as I've said above you're at your best and brightest. But the beauty of being in an actual relationship with someone is that there is more than one "First Impression"... But to be honest I can really only think of two at this current moment.

There is the "First Impression" phase where you get to know someone, and then if you get there the is the Second "First Impression" phase. This phase is generally held off until much later when you move in with someone. Here's where you start off moving in together. Meshing your "decorative" selfs together and then finally when you "walk on eggshells" sweeping all of your disgusting personal habits at under the rug until the time is right.

Hopefully that time is not like the time with my friend Matthew who moved in with his boyfriend and was a walking mess. He isn't really the grossest guy in the world, but some habits he wanted to keep private (and did so to appease his boyfriend), until finally snapping at his boyfriend one day over the orange juice container not having a lid on it. (Granted, before you say "Oh I know what he means, that is annoying") His boyfriend wasn't actually putting the OJ away... He was drinking from the glass and hadn't yet finished. But for Matthew it as the tipping point, and he had become tired of hiding himself. So they argued, they fussed, he moved out, they made up (and out) and he moved back in... This process repeated itself twice before they finally "separated".

What Matthew never seemed to realize was that each time he was the problem, not his boyfriend. It was the boyfriend who could be so open and free, not in a disgusting way (well not all the time); but in a way that showed that he cared for Matthew enough to be himself. In the end it was really Matthew's "selfishness" and inability to open up that was his own downfall (if he read this and knew I was talking about him he'd kill me).

So what I'm trying to say is that, although the "First Impression" phases are unavoidable, (unless you're unbelievably blunt and I do mean blunt, like a weapon on Law and Order: SVU, [my favorite!] you could kill someone with your words) and a healthy part of the relationship process, they should always dissolve at some point.

Because it really means that the relationship is great but are nothing more than arbitrary, a string of white lies and only a fraction of what you two could actually be. 

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, when will my "First Impression" phase fall?

Goodnight and Goodluck!

moments when you really just can't handle a moment, not out of sadness, but out of anger. Many of you know the moments I'm talking about. When you really just can't handle moments with another person being involved.

And it happens every time there are more than three people into the mix. And today, it certainly did happen to me. While I'm not a huge fan of JWU, I really actually enjoy that there are so many group projects. Rarely, if ever, in today's society if you are in the job world, you will have to work with people and will rarely work alone.

So naturally to work on group projects that actually have a legitimate connection to your suspected job field is a great thing. Of course we don't enjoy them because they are always large, time consuming and you will inevitable (if not always) work with someone you absolutely can't stand.

And just today I had to sit with a (somewhat) lovely group of girls and deal with a hardheaded (independent I'm sure) unwavering woman. Clearly, either she and I are so alike, or so different that we can't get along. But so help me god, did I feel like the bigger man today for not ripping her head off.

Here's the thing, I want to tell you what happened, but to do so would only be petty and unwise, because I see no reason for anyone else to dislike the girl for our interactions.

We clearly couldn't just get along. And our ideas just didn't mesh. So I tried to take the higher road, and just relented. I just went along with her ideas. And it got me to thinking, in a relationship what is really the best way to bring about a resolution?

When in a relationship, the other persons feelings are so important to you, sometime they take over your own. So what happens when conflict occurs? Naturally, there is always going to be conflict, even in the perfect relationship... Even in the best relationship (which may be with yourself) there will always be conflict, because you can't always go with the flow and you can't always get your way. If you do, life is too unfair then.

So conflict occurs, like any good relationship and the "battle" begins. It could range from a Gladiator Battle to a full on Trojan War. The only difference being that in situations like this there are very few times when the prizes are worth the scars.

But how do you go about fighting this battle. Rarely, and happily, do the battles get prepared for. If they do, that's a definite sign that something is very wrong, and the situation should be rethought. I'm not suggesting though, once a battle happens pack your bags and go. If that's your plan of attack, then I'm sorry but like every other human being you need to have some serious time alone and self reflect.

But don't we all need self reflection? And then we can have reflections on each other. Like witty banter that's slung back and forth on a first date, relationships can back track, be bettered or be worsened. And sometimes we all just have to...

Do what you have to do, whether it be take the first steps to recovery or take a step back? Like the lyrics of one of my favorite songs, sometimes "It's a bittersweet symphony and it's life."

Sometimes luck goes to the wisest, sometimes it goes to the blissful. I wish that you all be both wise and blissful and enjoy your relationships.

Goodbye and Goodluck!

is said by many to be the key to life. It takes people years to achieve, but often is never accomplished.

I look back… to today actually. Recently my dear friend Kathryn’s boyfriend Kraig has moved to Rhode Island. While she has been waiting with baited breath at his return, I assumed I wouldn’t. Call me small minded. Call me a brat, but I love Kathryn and found her to be a very fast, dear friend to me.

In the past the inclusion of a boyfriend often not seeing this friend, unless accompanied by said man, or being included in deep conversations of what he said, what was annoying and what he looked like at every little moment. While this didn’t really bother me in the past, currently I find it trivial and obnoxious.

However, the lovely thing about Kathryn, was that she was not like I had expected and not at all what I had seen in the past. While yes, talk of Kraig was inevitable, we were actually able to have conversations without him even being relatively included (actually I’m poking fun at her to see if she’s reading… I love you dear I do, and I commend you on the good life you lead).

Today however, we ran into a “bump” in our (building) friendship road… We ran into the dreaded schedule conflict. While I have no problem with it, and I hope neither does she, it can be a huge bother to some people. However these people are often selfish and highly self absorbed, so much so that they can’t past their sky high noses.

But again, Kathryn has to do the thing, that quite frankly I would dread and probably be awful at, balancing the friends, family and relationship. Honestly, I assume many of us wish life cam with a handbook, and if it did this would be the last seven chapters: one for happiness, five for complications and the final one for grieving/getting over it.

Basically I’m trying to address that I don’t envy Kathryn in this aspect of her relationship, with both Kraig and everyone else around her. She does a fine job at going to classes (which she takes 5), studying (I take note of how she does it. I don’t, but she does at least!) and working a 20 hour a week job. On top of that little load is the friendships she maintains and puts effort into and the relationship, which I’m sure (like any good superpower) can be a blessing and a curse. Quite frankly with only 4 classes, 2 jobs (I use that term loosely - I have too much fun at one of them to be a job) and commuting to the school everyday… I just know the person would have to be pretty damn special to me in order to do that.

And to think the girl does it with a smile, wit and great hair (very reminiscent of Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City season 2 finale; a great one indeed!). But while being this fantastic, she seems to manage and balance it all. And while at the same time I admire Kraig for his diligence (he moved to RI with no job guarantee and almost no apartment guarantee, so in short all for love) and perseverance… He now has a job and a place to stay (but that was gotten before he got here), and still stands by Kathryn happily (at least in my head they’re happy).

I hope you all find that someone/something you need, and I also hope that the tight rope doesn’t get the better of you. But just remember, everyone has to (and will) fall, so why not try to make it as graceful as possible?

Goodbye and Goodluck!

they say that "all the worlds a stage, and we merely players"? On the basis of this thought I look back to my time in theatre, when each person would receive their roles. After receiving said them the actors would go about becoming into their respective roles.

But as each actor knows, eventually (sorry soap operas) these roles must be put away, if even for a moment. If not then these roles become stale, overacted and too often seen.

But can the same be said for relationships? In a relationship, like any good play and film, there are roles, and these roles must be clearly defined and played... But who defines these roles? 

As with any good relationship these roles must be talked out and defined by each individual. However in this day and age, where speaking to someone is often coded and messaged.

Once these roles have been defined, we as people run into an even bigger issue, what happens when these roles become tired and the defined lines become blurred? With each passing moment our relationship roles become more tired, more stale and too often over played.

But with these things taken into account, one must also take into the fact that like any good play there are times when one steps away from a role, for a short period of time or forever. But with each these clear up the actor and clear up the role.

When do we say that our roles in relationships have been overplayed? When do we say "Yes I love you, but I don't love us. At least not right now"? Hell it might not even be the fact that the roles we ourselves have created need to be put away, it may simply be the fact that we need to getaway.

Look at Sex and the City 2. In this movie we find the girls all hustling and bustling with their active lives. Charlotte, in particular, is heavily stressed out with her mothering duties, although she has a nanny (but who am I to judge?) While she tries to deal with it in numerous ways throughout the movie, she puts time for herself in Carrie's old apartment.

Maybe that's what we all need? Maybe it's those little moments that we all need to take away for ourselves and refresh ourselves. It's true by the time we "reach adulthood" a line "clearly" defined by societies and the laws standards, we are supposed to know ourselves.

But it is by "knowing each other" and defining the roles in the relationships we make that end up defining who we, ourselves, are.

So maybe we all need that time, to take a step back, breathe and just take in a moment alone. Be it, in Starbucks with a cup of coffee, in the car listening to our favorite music (alone) or just watching the sunset from your window. Whatever the case, I think we all need; at least every now and then.

Goodbye and Goodluck.

you decide to go to an event of some kind and then you realize you really don't want to. It's annoying to think about, you begin to tear yourself out of the mood that makes you feel happy and you wonder why bother going at all?

As you've probably guessed that's what's happening right now, but now I'm guessing that I can bring myself out of a foul mood. So step by step, I'm going to try to think about the positives (I sound like someone who's trying not to break up with a bad significant other because they're hot.)

Now, this party (which as you know I rarely get to go out, and it's sort of not really become my "scene" to even drink anymore) is said to be a fun time certainly, and the company is supposedly going to be good (in truth I'm assuming there will be people there I neither know nor like).

Trying to get myself out of this mood of not wanting to be there is seemingly harder than expected. But what could be better than seeing some friends? Besides isn't it true that we are all supposed to grow as people by doing things that generally make us uncomfortable.

While listening to "Pixilated People" by Jess Mills, I think that I can do as she croons "Hide behind my smile, to stay safe while I look at the devil I rejected." Plus the person holding this has a large house. I can always recuperate if things get too tough.

Goodnight and Goodluck (some of you may need it)

That ever so wonderful feeling has taken over me dear readers, (if any of you actually exist.) While I would like to say this feeling is because of a person or any other being, it's not. In fact it's because of the time of year (no not holiday vacation, yes I said holiday... deal with it).

It is the feeling of being on vacation, and incredibly tired, so if you can't follow this one; I'm sorry. Anyway about the feeling I speak of. I'm talking about it because, I just a few moments ago realized it's Tuesday (now Wednesday "technically") ... And that Monday had past... And unfortunately I had forgotten to even contemplate an idea to write about on my "semi-try to be daily (but not on weekends) blog-ish type thing". Try solving that one.

But my ability to so easily forget something, I feel, that I'm passionate about got me wondering about something: how is it that when we can so easily give up something we love? This can be given to both humans (the objects of our affections) and hobbies.

We all need a break from things, because without a break it's impossible to stay focused. Human Studies have proved as much. As I type I wonder in terms of relationships with people; meaning friendship, arbitrary and specifically romantic, can they survive without breaks?

We are so desperate to get a release, a break away, a "vacation" of sorts from reality, can our reality survive without them? Think back through your own life. You know that couple, be it couple of friends, couple of lovers, or couple of workers, that are ALWAYS together. They always seemed to be the happiest, most annoying, most bothersome people to the outside spectators because it usually appeared that they needed no one but themselves to be complete.

While this is a wonderful thing to have when your in said couple, when you're on the outside it can be annoying (especially if you're like me and have never had such an experience you begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you.) But when you also think about those couples, they were usually the one who fizzled fast, snapped at each other, talked behind the others back or did all of the above. 

And so now I wonder, while relationships can grow and thrive, (and I am not preaching bigamy. I am a firm believer in monogamy) can they survive if you don't take a "vacation" every now and then? Maybe it's something to think about on your vacation?

Goodnight, Goodluck and Good Vacation dear readers!