Detective Colin Zabel

have a good night mare! good night.. mare. have a good nightmare?

Not my proudest moment.

I spilled coffee on my shirt today, tried to rub it off with a napkin, but that just ended up ripping a hole. I wonder if I can convince everyone this is a deliberate fashion choice.

How hard were you rubbing to rip a hole😭😭

Too hard. It just wasn’t coming out.

@realcolinzabel man i saw u on tinder

That’s a lie, and defamation.

@citizencoop Hey, kid. Just checking to see if people are leaving you alone yet, because I know it was pretty bad for a minute there.

My head still kinda hurts but I'm alright thanks. That fucking James guy is after me now though.

He needs to be caged.

I agree.

Why >:(

Because you’re a menace, and a supernatural one at that.

@citizencoop Hey, kid. Just checking to see if people are leaving you alone yet, because I know it was pretty bad for a minute there.

My head still kinda hurts but I'm alright thanks. That fucking James guy is after me now though.

He needs to be caged.

I tried to pet a goose today. Didn’t go well.

Oh no what happened Zabes?

It walked up to me, and I thought I was gonna have a Snow White moment and that it wanted to be friends with me. Because who wouldn’t! Anyways, I reached out to pet it, and it bit my hand and chased me when I tried to run. I’m choosing to believe that this was just an evil goose, and that the rest of them do want to be friends with me. It would make me really sad if all geese didn’t like me.

HE PUT YOU IN JAIL TOO😭HE DID THAT TO ME

These men are untrustworthy

Harassment is a crime, which you both committed. Luke did nothing wrong. He’s a good kid.

@alittleobsessedbitch You’re under arrest for harassment and destruction of property.

Finally. Thanks man.

Quick question, why is everyone always after you, kid? This is like… the third time this week I’ve had to put someone away for you.

My girlfriend is like suuuuper hot and my screenplay is really good.

Uh… I don’t see why those are grounds for so much harassment… I mean at least things are going well?

Yeah I guess people are just jealous idk. And thanks. Couldn't have done it without you. The girlfriend part at least. The screenplay is all me I don't do ghostwriters.

Stop reporting people to Colin! He’s busy…

This is my job, baby.

@realcolinzabel do you have coffee?

I’m not speaking to you.

Please put your hole away.

How does he keep getting away with this?

I’ve arrested him twice, but he does this thing where he LITERALLY disappears. I don’t know, man. On the bright side, NASA’s looking into him now. They think the only explanation is that he’s an alien.

I am not an alien! I have told you that I am a ghost.

Look, buddy. They’re saying the fact that you mostly communicate through your rear is a common trait reported in extraterrestrials. Regardless of legitimacy, I am more than happy to pass you off to them. Trust me.