Re-Educated

It’s time to dream big, so the payout can be enormous.

"It's for the respect and means. It's because I want the Benz and the Jeep." Dreams full of purple skies and the smell of hot pavement again. This mean good things.  

I miss feeling alive, like gold runs in my veins.  Time to work harder.

I've been looking all over for this for weeks now and resigned to the active task, hoping that one day I would just happen upon it. But it's been poison to my heart, feeling like I didn't have a single piece of you left with me. Wondering where this one thing is, why I couldn't find it. Why things could be so cruel to take every single piece of you from me. Until dad found it today. And I think he understands what it means to me. I don't think some people understand. They'll say you were just a dog, just a pet. But there's a reason why I always said you were a person. I am forced to accept things I don't want to, big guy. And it's still hard for me to. I'm 24. I'm an adult. Things should pass easier - but I've always had a problem with that. Life goes on, but no one ever talks about the part where that in itself can be so heartbreaking. But having this one thing might make it easier to stand.

The moments where I start thinking I'm solid, I'm good Are the moments before I dream of it, of you. Give me some relief. I never said this was a promise I wouldn't keep.  

not getting any smaller.

Then how come I feel so disappointed in myself? 

I sink like mafia concrete boots