Loud, but distant screams of frustration

If I’m not mistaken (tumblr historians fact-check me) Merlin was just given a shit ton of jobs he absolutely would not have to do in a properly functioning castle.

Like

Arthur’s laundry? Laundresses.

Mucking out stables? Tacking horses? Stable Master and Stable Boys.

Scrubbing floors? Housemaids/Maidservants.

Delivering messages? Pages.

Sharpening weapons? Squires and Blacksmiths.

Taking care of Arthur’s wardrobe? Chamberlain.

Not even to mention that as the literal Prince’s Personal Servant he had wayyyy more power in the staff hierarchy than I think he ever realized.

Arthur just looked at this poor farmer-boy peasant who had never even seen a castle before in his life and decided to give him the work of 6 different people, just to be petty, correctly assuming he wouldn’t know any better, then proceeded to keep that up for like 10 years.

Merlin: *slams open Arthur’s door*

Arthur: Merlin? You alright there?

Merlin: I’ve just had a lovely conversation with Elizabeth, the Laundress

Arthur: *with fear* …Okay?

Merlin: You know what she said to me?

Arthur: Do I want to know?

Merlin: She said “Oh Merlin, I just don’t know why you insist on doing all that extra work for Arthur!”

Arthur: *eyes widen*

Merlin: When were you going to tell me what The Prince’s Manservant actually does???

Arthur: Uh… You see…. But you’re just so good at it all!

Merlin: *eyes glowing* You should run.

that vauban heirloom skin makes me feel perverted

And the guy's dead wife is there. At the ghost DMV. The dead wife is a ghost and he's the ONLY ghost who knows he's a ghost. In the ghost DMV. You make friends with the guy's dead wife (while waiting in line) (at the ghost DMV) and he tells you that the lunatic immortal wizard who's making you defeat his seven evil bureaucratic processes while you die of magic cancer before you can even fight him directly is really just a silly sentimental fella.

Then in the next expansion you get to live through the dead wife flashbacks yourself. You get to meet the dead wife when he's alive in the past, outside of the DMV. And it turns out he works at the real DMV, in the past. And he has pink hair. And he and the past-self version of the insane immortal wizard (who sent you to the ghost DMV) pull off a sick prank to help you close the timeloop.