#extradirty
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@raweggsbenedict
its been a month since weve spent any quality time together.
its been 6 weeks since hes been to my house.
lately when we hang out it goes a little like this:
we meet up once a week
8pm i show up and we cuddle and watch a movie
9 pm we have sex
we kinda cuddle some more kinda dont
10 pm he falls asleep
i stay up doing homework
3:15 am he gets up and leaves for work.
weve spent like 8 waking hours together in the last month wtf
girl he dont love you
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reality check
hes not my boyfriend
he doesnt want to be my boyfriend
he calls me like once or twice a week maybe and its either to tell me hes busy or to tell me to come over to watch movies n chill
i found a hair that doesnt belong to me on his blanket last week and it was literally a different porosity and had been dyed brown
he hasnt been to my house in a month
i made something home cooked and offered him some and he straight up wasnt interested and dismissed it completely
i put googley eyes on his phone and remote when he wasnt looking and upon discovering them he didnt laugh or smile or even react at all
he compliments me rarely
he takes me out rarely
i get him random little gifts and show how thoughtful i am and he doesnt do the same for me. not even close.
one time he asked me what my favorite flowers were but has still never actually bought me flowers
he hesitates to take photos with me
he literally told me if i was on dating apps and seeing other people he wouldnt care
we only hang out at the last minute and dont make plans. we only hang when it is convenient for him and we only spend a few waking hours together
when i try to be corny with him he straight up rejects me every time
he doesnt care to meet my family or friends
he always puts his career, school, family, and friends first. i will never come first. watch. hes not doing jack shit for my birthday. im calling it now. on this day 10/26 he will not do a fucking thing for my birthday next month. he will either be working a 24 hour shift or have some other reason why he cant or wont celebrate with me. or we will have fully broken up lol who knows its retrograde szn. prove me wrong!! i would like to see it!
he doesnt take a lot of interest in my life
so i was pmsing really hard and
i was trying to engage in conversation with short about something hes interested in and he gave me a sarcastic reply and i really wasnt in the mood for that because it felt like he was brushing me off and being a dick so i left him on read. i realized once i didnt like his response that it didnt fucking matter what the answer was and if i cared to know i could have just googled it. it was a bid for connection. and the sarcasm felt like a rejection. i realized i was being like his grandma, asking him “dumb questions” that “don’t matter”, understood that he hates this and backed off. i just wanted to talk to him. i still haven’t heard from him. i havent asked him about his trip. who cares.
he doesnt love me. point blank. period.
if he did i wouldnt have to wonder whether or not he does
so i had another pretty good weekend with short king but i was stressing. it lowkey sucked. friday was fun, we went out to visit his friends for a birthday and went out for dinner with his work friends. cool. until i went to the bathroom at the restaurant and realized i was spotting and thought i might be pregnant and it was implantation bleeding or something. oh well. i pretend i do not see it. we have fun. we go home and have great sex and cuddle and pass out. cool. until i wake up at 4 am to fully start my period while i was naked in his bed, and with no tampons or anything bc it was a week early. whatever. went back to sleep after cleaning up and went home to shower and get ready once short king woke up. met back up and went to a birthday party for a work friend. cool. until i looked over at his phone and saw the logo for the tinder app. girl i was fuming. i excused myself to the bathroom and he followed. we talked about it and he made me go through his phone and app store to see if i could find any dating apps. he told me it was a video on instagram. he got really butthurt that i doubted him but also told me that if i was using dating apps he wouldnt give a fuck and idk that hurt me too. we got over it but he kinda brought it up again when we were waiting for dinner and i wanted to cry again. i slept over again. we didnt have sex. he fell asleep at like 9:30. i tried to sleep at midnight. i couldnt sleep because my stomach was in pain. i tossed and turned until 3 am. around 1:30 i started sobbing. sobbing because i was frustrated, in pain, tired, felt unloved, and sweetie was sleeping so he couldnt comfort me. i was miserable. woke up the next morning and told short king what happened and he was like “why didnt you wake me up?” and grabbed me and held me tight for a minute. i went to work and asked if he wanted to fuck and he said only if i brought food. so i said fuck that noise and stayed home. ive been sad ever since
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u ever just feel like crying 24/7 and ghosting ur entire life and staying in bed for weeks bc same
unfortunately the bills dont pay themselves but ya girl is fucking barely functional
omg i had the best weekend with short king
we went on a really nice sushi date
cuddled and watched movies
he was too tired to have sex (hes in rigorous work training 80 hrs/week) so he fucked me with a vibrator (HIS IDEA) and made me cum multiple times
and i made a huge seven course breakfast that we ate in bed
we had the most passionate and connected sex (i say that every time thats just how it be)
went to his place for a minute, picked up some wine & stuff for a charcuterie board, picked up acai bowls, ate, and cuddled more.
i massaged his poor achy muscley body and he fell asleep.
every time he wakes up in the middle of the night, he kisses me.
in his sleep, he reaches for me
and god hes just so sweet
i stayed at short king’s house the other night because my water was off and i needed to shower, and he called me right away when i texted him asking for a favor, said “of course you can come over. i’ll leave the door unlocked. come over whenever you want”.
and i went to his house after he had a long and grueling day, he let me shower, cuddled me, had passionate sex with me, and let me sleep over even though he had to get up for another grueling day at the academy at 3 am uwu the selflessness of this man has me truly gagged
slowly giving up my vices one at a time
i gave up:
drinking
serial dating
obsessing over peoples social media accounts
weed is next when im ready hopefully soon
bussy dirty and the water is shut off bc pipes are clogged
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
the depression hole lookin real depressed lately
dickmatized
i cant stop thinking about my boyfriend because its rly rly hard for me to differentiate sexual feelings for feelings of love but idk maybe he does love me. he fucks me like he loves me. we are super connected during sex and have close facial contact the whole time. our energies mesh so well. we reciprocate movements and rhythms naturally. sex with this particular man doesnt feel empty. idk how to explain it. we pull each other closer, talk to each other, idk it just feels so much more connected than ive felt with other people.
outside of the bedroom he is super sweet. he wants me to come inside with him while he picks up takeout. he wants me to follow him to the kitchen while he makes a snack because he wants to be with me. he asks “where are you going?” like a lil baby™ when i get up to go to the bathroom or get water because he cant stand to be away from me for 5 minutes. he pulls me close to him when he sleeps. if i pull away, he makes the cutest, saddest moan in his sleep. he makes an even cuter sound when i get back in bed and wrap my arm around him.
he calls me and wants to stay on the phone with me, even if i have to hang up in order to take a shower to get ready to hang out with him. he reads me like a book and can instantly tell when im upset, and we talk about it like adults, and get to the bottom of it. he always always answers the phone when i call. literally in the last 5 years has never missed a call.
the clownery of this man is truly astounding. he acts like an idiot to make me laugh, not in a crude or obnoxious way, just in a silly way. he goes out of his way to make me smile.
he wants to spend time with me, even after a 24 hour shift or the night before academy begins for the week. he shares everything with me. he is even sweeter and gentler than he used to be.
people in his life know who i am; he mentions me by name and ive met many of them.
sometimes we beef with each other but we resolve it right away (im talking right away- no cooloff just problem solving) because neither of us can stand being butthurt for too long.
so excuse the fuck out of me for thinking this man might love me lol
my boyfriend laughed and shared his sushi with me and comforted me while i cried
i ordered sushi yesterday and they fucked my order up and i cried
i vomit
i vomit
i vomit vomit vomit baby
im every woman
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
wow i really went back and read my posts from the beginning of when we were casually dating and he was ALWAYS an asshole from the start omg i dated that for almost two years
oh my god im gonna go through my old posts and delete my shit about my toxic ex
i cant believe i let someone make me feel that way