too much information

i tried to put on contact lenses for an hour and it just couldn't get into my eyes they're too small i'm going to cry

austria was my dream country to visit for some reason when i was younger and when i did go there i got harrassed by some old drunk dude talking about russia or some shit while on a bus alone and got flashed in vienna according to my mother (i didn't notice until she told when we got back to hotel) 2 out of 10 horrible time would visit again solely bc i haven't gone to the art history museum + i got to see klimt's work

i'm trying to get over 4 years of friendship that i don't even know if it's really friendship or just a symbiotic relationship cos we're the two loners in the class i always know deep down that she might not need me as much as i need her i've never felt that i'm her person like a fucking dog that she has waiting for her to come home we don't even have that much in common she rarely goes out with me she never asks me to play games with her then when we started our internship and she met a new friend who had so so much in common with her i was left alone they played games with each other they always walked with each other i feel like i'm an outsider in her life i know i'm not the best person to be friend with and i know i have fucked up before but i feel like it was doomed from the start i prayed it wasn't destined to be doomed after we graduated i tried to talk to her a couple time and every time i feel like she's just being polite and don't really want to talk to me okay. i felt the dread every time i hd to ask her about work and the day we were supposed to go meet the guy in charge she dropped out one hour before the meeting time and guess what i knew that was coming i knew she's gonna drop out becuse something came up cos i know her she always does this even the last uni trip we supposed to go together with all of our friends she bailed 30 fucking minutes before the leaving time and i had to defend her to our friends that she's sick and pretend that i was okay with that but i'm not she left me to sleep alone good fucking thing my other friend took a pity on me and stayed with me but deep down i feel like she's avoiding me now 4 days in and she hasn't even read my message i decided to hide the chat because it's a confirmation that i lost her completely 4 fucking years goes down in the drain she was a huge part of my life and now i'm left with her shaped hole inside my chest and it hurts i can't evne sleep because i don't want to dream about her and that friend she ditched me for and i don't even blame her for that they deserve each other and i only hope them the best but what does that leave me every day i had to go to work i wanted jumping off the train station because i didn't want to face her it would be better if i just died better for her better for me and i guess the fact that my phone died and all of the photo during the 4 years i've known her are gone it's a sign for me to get over it but then i don't even know who i am anymore gosh i'm rambling so much this wasn't supposed to be this long but it did cause she really hurted me i feel like i'm drowning i can't evn work on my comm orders right now so i guess today i'm going to throw out everything that reminds me of her which is almost everything. gosh. She really fucked me over

used all my luck and energy i can't draw at all it's like i'm shooting blank i guess it's time to work on my cv

me and the rat have grown distant i don’t feel like that’s me anymore nowadays i’m just jotchua

dude lately ive been having some troubles w sleeping i don't feel like going to bed and then wake up at 5 in the morning and now i feel like i'm about to pass out can't be that i overworked cos i barely do a physical work just work on my comm during the day kill meeee.....

there's a huge scandal going on here a famous environmental activist/content creator revealed that he was raped by his older brother when he was 10 and people are fucking disgusting they turn this horrific situation into a betting pool saying he's just crying wolf or it's just a prank or just lying for fun (he also was SAed by his nanny during that time and no adult in the family helped him his MOM even hired the nanny back)

i helped my senior with her education training job today i didn’t really know what my duty would be until this morning n she made me along with my friends to be speakers for a group of teachers i was assigned to teach the pre-k teachers and caregivers about abc model how to spot gifted children n developmental red flags this is the first time in a while that ive been a speaker i was so nervous cos i didn’t even know what the topic of this training would be n i guess my senior saw that i was rlly nervous so she told me that she invited me as a psychologist bc i WAS a psychologist i’d been trained for 4 years i was the one with the knowledge i just gotta believe in myself n i did it still messed up my words but i think i did good her words really helped me like yay i am a psychologist i am more than capable