𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒸𝒽𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓉

“  what is good?  everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself.  what is bad?  everything that is born of weakness.  what is happiness?  the feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome.

not contentedness but more power;  not peace but war;  not virtue but fitness. the weak and the failures shall perish: first principle of our love of man. and they shall even be given every possible assistance. what is more harmful than any vice? active pity for all the failures and all the weak [...] ”

                                   ―   “ the antichrist ”  |  friedrich nietzsche.

ind. priv. bungou stray dogs multimuse.  manga exclusive and headcanon based portrayals. written by mars. mature and dark themes present. viewer discretion is advised. carrd.

currently active: akutagawa ryuunosuke / dazai osamu / nakahara chuuya / sigma.

‘   ⸻   it’s called paella,   dear.   i haven’t made it in a while,   and it seemed i’d be spending the night in,   so   …   would you like to try it ?   ’

“  i’d rather fish every sturgeon from the sea than lift a finger to help you,  ”  he speaks spitefully, the brashness of his tone originating from one place entirely. the perceived betrayal at high noon when chuuya had almost destroyed japan ( again ) and this slimy bastard started the fight before leaving him for dead. chuuya rarely forgives, and he never forgets. either way, the harbinger of the void makes him uneasy and equally skeptical about whatever motives he might have working with the port mafia. 

‘ then it kills me. ‘ he shrugs, standing up and turning back to the kitchen. clearly, dazai is not going to cooperate. that’s fine. he starts gathering ingredients to make dazai a filling meal. he’ll cook it and leave him alone. 

‘ i don’t care what you say. you’re not going to change my mind. so just give it up. you’re wasting your own energy. ‘ 

a terribly easy answer for a complicated question, dazai should have expected such deliverance but perhaps the flippancy surprises him. he can still feel death’s cold breath down his neck, it doesn’t falter for a second, only follows him into the bleak future. it’s safe to say he hates it here, despises the god that cursed him to live on this rock. not much has changed that over the years. maybe music, maybe sex, but it’s all finite and fleeting, like the life he actively tries to throw away. sinking into pity like tar in a pit, the more he struggles against it, the harder it drags him down. 

fate has a way of commanding the hand,  it can only be fought for so long before it takes the lead, without so much as a thought to who it might be hurting. chaos has never been friendly, rather unmistakably cruel. nakahara chuuya knows it well, can feel the bracers around his wrists that bind him to these flaws of humanity. if only there was more he could have done. if only he was stronger.  “  if you can’t learn to forgive yourself for your failures you risk succumbing to them. you can’t live life without mistakes, unfortunately, but it’s good enough to learn from them. you’re not a god. you shouldn’t carry that weight around when it’ll only cripple you.  ”

“  there’s no songs for people like us, maybe you - maybe johnny cash or some other depressed fuck, but it’s not some kind of romantic ballad. it’s just fucking sad, like your life.  ”  perhaps he’s feeling disillusioned the older he gets. creating this bitterness spilling from every pore and crevice. the clearer the above world becomes the more he realizes he was born into the below. this isn’t life, it’s misfortune. depending on how you define it. 

chuuya couldn’t really delude himself, all the glamour of crime couldn’t justify the stress it takes just to survive. it’s exhausting, he’s been fatigued for years now but nothing ever changes. not even dazai, who sheds skin just for fun. chuuya thinks he’s probably seen every shade by now and it’s the only comfort he knows around dazai. learning to expect the unexpected and accepting whatever that means in the moment.

“  oi oi oi, what do you have and why aren’cha sharing, bird brains?  ”