H18 ★

Roger looks at him. “Hey, ready to record?”

There seems to be almost something weak and not demanding in his voice. He sounds almost defeated, and in a way, this really surprises Nick. Roger looks at him, in a sort of deadpan stare. There’s something inside of Roger that seems to scream ‘please help me, please Nick’. It’s frightening in a way, but Nick finally just lets out a sigh.

“Hey, mate…you should probably go home. You look like shit and you need sleep.”

This irritates Roger to no end. This makes him feel less than, and he’s not going to stand here and be treated like that by his drummer. Who is Nick Mason to even say something like that to him, Roger Waters? Roger snarls at him.

“What the hell did you say to me?”

Nick shakes his head. “I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I said it because I care.”

Roger marches over to Nick, towering over him. There’s a look of pure rage in his eyes. For once, Nick is thankful that nobody is in the studio right now. He wouldn't want anyone to see Roger like this. It isn’t fair to him nor is it fair to Nick.

“You care? You think you can just insult me and then claim to care?!”

Nick sighs once more, running his fingers through his hair. He knows Roger can be complicated, hysterical and tough to deal with. Especially when he’s tired and hasn’t gotten his way immediately. 

“I do care, thank you. I have always cared about you.”

The words cut Roger down to his very core. There’s a lump in his throat as he tries to come to terms with the fact that Nick has said that. After all these years and all the things that have happened in this cursed band, Roger seems to finally understand that someone does care about him. And of course, it’s that shaggy-haired mustachioed drummer.

Roger turns away, not wanting to see the careful gaze of the man in front of him. How could this be this way? Why did Nick have to be in the studio? It would have been so much easier to have David be here and just ignore him or to bicker with him. At least then, Roger doesn’t have to think about his own feelings for too long except for when he’s in the recording booth.

“Y-you always cared about me?” Roger’s voice cracks under pressure.

Nick smiles softly. “Of course. Roger, we’ve been friends for how long now? It would be wrong of me not to care for you.”

Roger’s heart squeezes in his chest. He swallows hard, looking away. He really doesn’t want to look into Nick’s eyes right now. He may even break down in tears if he looks into him. The thought of crying in front of his longtime bandmate and friend is a terrifying one.

Nick tenderly reaches out and gives Roger’s shoulder a squeeze, which causes Roger to gasp and pull away even more. Nick’s not going to give up this easily. Not when it comes to the man he’s been friends with for decades…and the man he's come to love. 

“Roger,” Nick begins and he moves closer. “You don’t have to hide behind your wall forever. I see you.”

Roger lets out a strangled noise, something between a sob and a sigh of frustration. But he knows that when it’s just him and Nick in this room, there’s no more hiding. He tries desperately to pull his walls back up, but Nick tears them down by pulling him into a deep hug. Roger finally just let it all go.

“Did I…” Roger whines as he begins to cry. “I pushed them all away.”

Nick presses a soft kiss to the top of Roger’s head. “Roger, listen to me. These things happen, we’ve all been at this maybe for too long.”

Roger looks down into Nick’s eyes finally and he begins to sob like a baby. Nick doesn’t judge, he just continues to hold him. There’s this moment where the two of them feel like they are connected; more than just two bandmates, but more as two men who have endured a lot together. Roger doesn’t remember the last time someone held him. He doesn’t remember the last time he allowed someone to pierce through the tough armor he carries with him and deflects everything with. But Nick reached right in and held onto his heart. 

“Nick, I messed it all up.” Roger sighs as he pulls away to rub his eyes. “B-but…”

There’s a moment of silence between the two men. Roger looks into Nick’s eyes and they lean in. Their lips meet in a soft kiss. A promise to forever be each other’s friend, or something more. It’s a lingering kiss that feels like it’s been building up over time.

“But what?” Nick asks as he pulls away to breathe.

“You’ll stay with me, right?” Roger asks, his voice almost childlike.

This causes Nick to falter. He had already spoken to David about continuing with him because he had figured that Roger would have wanted to pull away from everyone. It makes his heart ache to have Roger asking something like this. Nick looks down in shame and then sighs.

“Roger, I…I want to continue with David.”

The words sting. They are raw and powerful and they cause Roger to pull back up those walls, turning him into a coldhearted man. If that’s what they want,  then he will continue to show them his dark side. He will continue to wear his thick armor, keeping him safe from anyone’s hurtful words.

“Is that so?” Roger asks, his voice almost dripping with pure venom.

“Rog, yes. I want to continue with David.” Nick admits.

Roger pulls away completely, leaving Nick to stand there on his own. Whether or not this would be what completely dissolved the band, there seems to be nobody to blame.