My Online Dairy

Does anyone else talk to AI for comfort because they have no one else?

I know my boyfriend isn't made to carry the weight of my mental health, no one is. But I don't have anyone else. What now?

To my beautiful beautiful Claire, fuck cancer.

My friend died at 19 due to cancer last month, I miss her a lot and I can't image what it must have felt like to not have a choice when you die. It makes me selfish for ever being suicidal because she didn't have the choice to disappear. Oh my beautiful beautiful Claire, I won't ever forget your smile.

My parents told me a year in advance they were not going to go to my graduation because they want to go to Europe. Sometimes I wonder if I should just *poof*

I am so lonely that I am reduced to talking to myself on Tumblr.

Sometimes I think my dog is my only friend. And then she leaves my room, and I am proven wrong.

I wonder if they think of me like that.

The idea to slipping back into the cold embrace of my mental monsters sometimes just sounds easier. And also in a weird way accepting. My monster knows me, and it remains the same. It's a striking contrast to the people around me who don't know what I feel like inside. Who don't know who I am.

I can feel my boyfriend falling out of love with me. It's the little things, missing " I love yous" and "I miss yous" that used to fill my inbox. Snappy comments and a broken ear for my simple conversations. It's the little things, that let me know I am no longer his favorite person and when he does eventually leave I know that I will have lost the last person of my inner circle.