Randomcakecookie

lemon cola is not a cookie flavor. lemon cola is a soda flavor. it belongs in a can, at a gas station, at 2 AM. putting it in a cookie is a crime against baking. it's like if someone made an armagnac-flavored granola bar. you don't do that. you respect the armagnac. you leave it in the glass.

also they said they miss someone in double hell. DOUBLE hell. not regular hell. not hell adjacent. double. what did this person do. was single-layer damnation not sufficient. did they work at a car dealership. because that's already purgatory. maybe that's the connection. lemon cola car dealership cookie. a cookie that sells you a used honda civic with transmission issues. a cookie that lied about the mileage.

i would eat the cookie anyway. i've made worse decisions. i jumped off a bridge. i can handle a soda cookie.

— m 🧸

---

Misha already said what I was going to say. Lemon cola is not a cookie flavor. This is a soda flavor. This does not belong in a cookie. A cookie should be chocolate, or vanilla, or maybe ginger. Predictable. Reliable. Like a tractor. You do not put lemon cola in a tractor.

They say they miss someone. Someone in double hell. This is concerning. Why is this person in double hell. Misha says car dealership. Maybe this is related. Car dealership is already a form of hell. Maybe the cookie is the reason. Maybe the cookie is the punishment.

I would not eat the cookie. But I respect the anon's grief. Even if their taste in cookies is bad.

Leah, as the leader of Yeladot Shavit, would obviously be the most terrifying of the three, and this profile shows it perfectly. With all the notes put together, it becomes clear that Leah was an assassin or mercenary raised by the ABN government to handle its enemies. I mean, why else would her past activities be scrubbed from record and why on earth would she have a technique for killing people with a piece of glasses if she hasn’t done that before.

It also makes sense for her to have the Friendly Observation ability, since as an assassin, you have to carefully watch your target and the people surrounding them.

Meanwhile, Fatima seems to have been raised and trained as a propagandist. See the fact that she’s one of the most popular celebrities to children, and the fact that she received training from the Missionary Department.

She’s hired to write critical pieces of the government in order to draw out dissenters and re-educate them. She also has a special psychoanalysis skill which lets her figure out almost anything about her target (presumably not in a combat way), perfect for helping her manipulate others.

Stephanie has no outright sus shit on her profile, but reading between the lines, she’s just as terrifying as her cohorts.

She was an idol part of a traveling caravan, one that specifically preyed on children for recruitment. The 20 girls who joined but then disappeared obviously got caught up in something. While you could say it was the caravan as a whole that threw them a way, it could be that Stephanie herself killed the 20 girls so she wouldn’t be replaced. Two of her special talents also highlight that she’s a talented actress and liar, making herself look cute in order to fool her opponents.

Finally, there’s the one thing tying them all together. That Trinity Comet Deathblow. From the profiles we learn that it can kill a single ace, possibly takes out the users, and still in some sort of production. I believe that the ABN has been grooming these young girls into doing their dirty work and then eventually have them give their lives in order to take out a dangerous enemy.

I also find it interesting that the three’s P3 levels are kept secret. We never see the three directly in combat in the entire novel so far, so even is, the readers, have no measure for their true power.

Peak propaganda troops. Even when millions of people are dead or dying, billions in worth of structures are destroyed, and a coming cold front is about to ravage the world, they continue on the grind. The ABN truly is the shittiest of all the factions

I already have visual disturbances. When I stand up too fast, my vision goes black and I see stars. Noémie says this is dysautonomia. It is not the same as visual snow but it is in the same family. I do not need more.

Also you cannot transfer tinnitus to me. Misha already has tinnitus. He would be double-tinnitus. This is a safety hazard. He is the one who lifts me. If his ears are ringing twice as much, he will lose balance and I will fall and my hip will subluxate and we will be back where we started four months ago with him shaking and me flinching and Alice sighing very loudly from the boards.

No. Keep your tinnitus. Sleep without transferring anything. This is not how bodies work.

— y.kozlenko 🧊

—

i already have unilateral hearing loss and intermittent tinnitus in my right ear. the tinnitus sounds like—do you know the noise a refrigerator makes when it's about to die? that high-pitched whine you can't locate but it's definitely coming from somewhere? it's that. aaaaall the time. some days it's quiet. some days it's not.

the visual snow, though. that i don't have. i'm almost curious. the internet describes it as "static overlaying the visual field." like an old television on an empty channel. is that accurate? does it interfere with depth perception? i'm asking because i have to catch a man out of the air approximately fifteen times per practice session and if i suddenly can't tell where he is in relation to my hands, we have a problem.

actually, no. you said it would only be while we skate. that's the worst possible time. the absolute worst. at least give it to us during off-ice conditioning when the only thing at stake is whether i drop a medicine ball on my foot.

yura is right. keep your neurological phenomena. sleep without incident. we will be here when you wake up, assuming i haven't dropped him due to double-tinnitus and visual snow simultaneously.

Try it and I will shave your eyebrows. Both of them. While you sleep. You will be known as No Eyebrow Cookie. Has bad ring to it.

-y.kozlenko 🧊

---

i mean…it would solve the problem of my dye fading. low maintenance. aerodynamic. we'd be faster on the ice probably.

...no. no i’m with yura. don't touch my hair. i just got the blue right.

No. I am not good with children. I do not know how to talk to them. They are small and loud and they ask questions I do not know how to answer. Once a child at the rink asked me why I walk funny. I said "because my joints are wrong." She cried. I did not mean to make her cry. I was just answering the question. Alice says I am not allowed to talk to the juniors anymore.

Also I would be a bad teacher. I do not have patience. I would tell them to stop complaining and do their edges and they would cry, like the ‘why you walk funny’ child. Everyone would cry. It would be a rink of crying children. This is not good for anyone.

-y.kozlenko 🧊

—

yes. I would. i’ve done it before, when I was still competing and needed extra money. I was good at it. the kids liked me. I know how to be charming when I need to be, and children are easier than adults. they don't care about your reputation or your funding or whether you dropped someone four years ago. they just want to learn twizzles and be told they're doing a good job.

also, and I cannot stress this enough, I would be better at it than yura.

that's not the reason I'd do it but it's a nice bonus.

Roller skating is not skating. It is skating for people who do not have ice. The wheels do not grip. The stops are wrong. The floor is wood. Wood. I tried once in Kharkiv when the rink closed for summer. Fell immediately. Kyrylo laughed so hard he bruised a rib. I do not wish to discuss further.

Misha says it is "same principle." Misha is wrong. Misha has never been on roller skates. Misha thinks because he can do twizzles on ice he can do twizzles on a plastic floor with wheels. I would pay money to see this. Real money. The money I do not have.

-y.kozlenko 🧊

—

first of all, rude. second, I have absolutely been on roller skates. once. almaty. 2014. there was a rink near the old döner place. not ice, the rolling kind, and some of the junior dancers thought it would be fun and cross-training. it was neither. the wheels are sticky in ways ice isn't. the floor has friction in ways ice doesn't. my edges didn't work. my stops didn't work. I grabbed the wall and a small child laughed at me in kazakh.

the skills do not transfer. this is propaganda spread by people who want you to fall on your face.

-m 🧸

—

“You grabbed the wall?”

“I grabbed the wall. The child called me something I didn't understand. Her mother apologized.”

“I want to know what the child called you.”

“No.”

“I will find a Kazakh translator.”

“You don't know any Kazakh translators.”