Someone Somewhere

straighten your back

go pee goddAMN IT STOP HOLDING IT

go take your meds if you need to

drink some water

go get a snack if you havent eaten in a while

maybe wander around the house/stretch a little if you’ve been sat at the computer a while (artists especially: sTRETCH THOSE WRISTS)

reply to that text/message from earlier you’d forgotten about

I had a meeting at work today. There were about 30 people in the meeting, and it was very important. It was only supposed to last 1-2 hours, but it went way over time. 3 hours after the meeting started, I really had to pee. But seeing as it was already an hour over time, I was confident I could hold it till the meeting was over. No one else had gotten up since the meeting started, and seeing as I’ve only been employed there for less than a month, I wasn’t going to be the first one to do so.

After 4 hours, my bladder was about to explode. I battled myself mentally, trying to convince myself to just go pee, while the other half of me didn’t want to make a bad impression this early in my career. Right as I was about to jump up and just go for it, they wrapped up the meeting. As soon as they dismissed, I jumped from my seat and ran straight to the bathroom.

I started unzipping before i had barely made it into the bathroom, and I was already peeing 2 steps from the urinal. I settled in at the urinal and unleashed a fire-hydrant load of urine. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who had to use the restroom, because there were more and more people coming in and using the toilets or standing along the wall behind me, waiting for the urinal to open up.

Not wanting to stand there and pee forever, I tensed up by bladder, peeing as hard and as fast as I could. I guess when you do this you also hold your breath. Either way, I pushed way too hard, for way too long. I started getting really light headed and lost my balance. I took 2 steps back and passed out, falling straight on my back. I was probably only passed out in the floor for less than 5 seconds, but that was plenty enough time for about 10 of my coworkers to see me stumble back, fall in the floor with my dick hanging out of my pants, and then piss into the air like an angel statue in a park all over myself and the floor. I’m not sure I can show my face there tomorrow.

I dropped a kid on the floor.

Pictures!