ramenayy

okay, hold on, time out. that’s not fair. if they’re allowed to shoot energy beams using the power of friendship, i should be able to summon a monster using the power of divorce

uncalled for

whos the lil freak

I was going to post a stupid pun involving the name of the band Imagine Dragons, but I literally just noticed that my rhyming dictionary lists "Italian" as a word that rhymes with "imagine", and it's completely displaced the original thought in my brain. Italian dragons.

my partner might be onto something when she says you can disguise your pickiness and food sensitivity as an adult by calling yourself a “purist.” so instead of saying “the taste and texture of cooked raisins make me want to hmork,” you say “i’m actually kind of a cinnamon roll purist, i prefer just a classic cinnamon filling and a really good dough instead of something with a ton of random mix ins,” which takes you from who gave this four year old a bachelor degree to oh wow this guy is a pretentious asshole about more things than i even thought was possible

I've been a good girl all morning and that means I get 4 ibuprofens :)