Transient Gnosis

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

The “not lately” is because she moved her new partner in our home. Our bed. She’s been with this person for a month. The second person she’s been with since abandoning me. We were together for 5 years.

She’s moved her new gf into our home. And I’m not allowed to be upset. I’m not allowed her attention even as a friend. I’m nothing to her and idk how to accept that after 5 years.

She won’t let me heal. She won’t give me space. She won’t let me go despite having a new gf that she’s moving into OUR home. I had to leave, 500 miles away.

This is what trauma bonding looks like. 5 years of her telling me that phrase, just to discard me like I’m a stranger. Her inability to take accountability. Stonewalling. Laughing at my pain. And continuing to reach out because she couldn’t possibly allow me to heal.

I realized tumblr is my only safe place to post about her and my sadness. I was more afraid that she would say “uhhhh not really, no” and somehow the causal “yes” hurt more. And I cried but didn’t tell her.

Being without her,,,