Grieving who you thought you would be, while holding space to become and appreciate who you are is so very hard sometimes. Healing from trauma isn't easy, but I'm hoping it is worth the journey.
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@raineclouds90
Grieving who you thought you would be, while holding space to become and appreciate who you are is so very hard sometimes. Healing from trauma isn't easy, but I'm hoping it is worth the journey.

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They don't tell you how hard caretaking for someone who hurt you is. He didn't mean to pass on his trauma, but he still did. I am constantly torn between "someone should help", and "no one deserves to be talked to like this." I am so tired. I am tired of knowing no matter what, it will never be enough. I will never be enough. And that I'm likely trapped here the rest of this life, because he will leave such a huge mess I will never be free of it.
My favorite part of going through a hard time is how much people say "I'm here for you, whatever you need "
What they apparently mean is "I'm saying this to make me feel better, please do not actually need anything."
Thorns are just plant knives.
This could be the most important post I’ve ever shared. Please Share it with anyone who is or might be going through this terrible disease.
https://twitter.com/ItsMa____/status/1345432772538724355?s=19
My mom has fairly severe respiratory issues and is recovering from joint replacement; her PT told her the same info about sleeping/sitting positions and how they impact the lungs. Fascinating.
rebloging again in case someone missed this.
Excellent health information.
Stuff they don’t want you to know!!!!!
Great post.
(I.D. A series of tweets from twitter user @ItsMa____
“How to treat Covid at home … this was shared on a Covid survivor group…
HOW TO FIGHT COVID AT HOME
No one ever talks about how to fight Covid at home. I came down with Covid in November. I went to the hospital, running a fever of 103, a rapid heart beat, and other common….
…. symptoms that come with Covid. While I was there they treated me for the high fever, dehydration and pneumonia.
The doctor sent me home to fight Covid with two prescriptions - Azithromycin 250mg & Dexamethason 6mg. When the nurse came in to discharge me, I asked her..
….. “What can I do to help fight this at home?” She said, “Sleep on your stomach at all times with Covid. If you can’t sleep on your stomach because of heath issues sleep on your side. Do not lay on your back no matter what because it smashes your lungs…
.. and that will allow fluid to set in.
Set your clock every two hours while sleeping on your stomach, then get out of bed and walk for 15-30 min, no matter how tired or weak that you are. Also move your arms around frequently, it helps to open your lungs.
…. Breathe in thru your nose, and out thru your mouth. This will help build up your lungs, plus help get rid of the Pneumonia or other fluid you may have.
When sitting in a recliner, sit up straight - do not lay back in the recliner, again this will smash your lungs…
… While watching TV - get up and walk during every commercial.
Eat at least 1 - 2 eggs a day, plus bananas, avocado and asparagus.These are good for Potassium. Drink Pedialyte, Gatorade Zero, Powerade Zero & Water with Electrolytes to prevent you from becoming dehydrated..
.. . Do not drink anything cold - have it at room temperature or warm it up. Water with lemon, and little honey, peppermint tea, apple cider are good suggestions for getting in fluids. No milk products, or pork. Vitamin’s D3, C, B, Zinc, Probiotic One-Day are good ideas
.. Tylenol for fever. Mucinex, or Mucinex DM for drainage, plus helps the cough. Pepcid helps for cramps in your legs. One baby aspirin everyday can help prevent getting a blood clot, which can occur from low activity. “
Drink a smoothie of blueberries,strawberries,bananas,honey, tea and a spoon or two of peanut butter.
We always hear of how Covid takes lives, but there isn’t a lot of information out there regarding how to fight Covid. I hope this helps you or someone you know, just as it has..
… helped me.
Share please.”
End I.D.)

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I realized for the first time how much progress I have actually made. A few years ago I would have never been comfortable with company coming over, much less unannounced and engaging with them. Tonight my roomie's cousin came over without mentioning he was bringing another person and I actually enjoyed engaging and hanging out with them.
It is such a small thing, and yet for me it is huge. I am so grateful my roommate never gave up on me as I work through my mental health issues and try to heal. I am so very grateful.
The mania and alternating has been bad lately. I am emotionally drained and exhausted. I don't know why I try to stitch myself into one cohesive personality. I have this idea of who I was "meant to be" and that's who I was for a long time and responds/identifies with a variant of my birth name. But that version of me is no longer stable, maybe never was. I don't understand why I can't repair what is broken there... I also don't understand why if I can't repair that version of me, which clearly I can't, I don't just embrace this version that is functional? I am an absolute mess and I wish mental health wasn't so stigmatized so that I could safely seek help.
I'm torn. Cut my hair, let it grow. Keep my given name, change it to what makes me happy. But that's hard. It changes from day to day. Some days yes some days no. It is exhausting to constantly be at war with two competing versions of myself 24/7. I have no answers, but goddess I am tired.
if u think Adora did nothing wrong u missed the point of the show
#the point #was to subvert the chosen heroic one trope #and show how a lot of Adora’s habits that people see as good #ARE ACTUALLY VERY FUCKING UNHEALTHY #and only fuel her self sacrificing behavior #adora and catra always loved each other #but were abused in different ways #which contributed to a lot of their miscommunication #adora is actually very flawed actually and putting her on a pedestal is probably the opposite of what u want to do #I love her so much though

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Days like this are hard. I woke this morning from terrible dreams wishing I could just GO HOME. But I was home. Safe on my bed, next to my partner and my found family in the other rooms down the hall. All of these people are people who have at one time or another walked through a form of hellfire for me and would not hesitate to do it again. I am home, I am safe, I am loved.
It has been hours. And I still feel that urgent need to GO HOME as I sit on my bed. How do you go home when you're already there?
I'm exhausted. I ended up I in a bad, emotionally draining situation this weekend that left me with out the ability to sleep during it. And since I have been home all I can do is sleep. The worst part is likely tomorrow morning I will have to walk back into it.
I am not ready. I am not ready at all.
Can anyone tell me how much feeling I am supposed to have? If i am this version of me, my emotions are deep, yet manageable. However, they are nowhere near the level of emotions another version of me contains. Those emotions are so deep I drown in the seas of sorrow, and am high off the elation of joy when it occurs.
I view this level of feeling as inadequate by comparison when perhaps this is just the normal, functional level of human feeling.
The most beautiful thing I have heard in a long time:
"Baby, his sins were never yours to pay for."
She says I am campfire smoke, old trucks and cassette tapes, and faded polaroids in flannel and denim. Too wild to stay, and yet to afraid to leave the past behind.
She says I am often more wolf than woman and that I need to allow myself to live instead of chasing a memory. But the act of letting go and finding myself, well that's always been a little hard.

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For all of the northerners that stood up for Texas during our freeze and said, "Don't make fun of them, they've never dealt with this before. Their infrastructure isn't made for snow and freezing."
This one is for you.
Where I live 108°F with 80% humidity with no wind is normal.
Pacific North West is dealing historic best waves 35-40°C or 95-105°F.
First of all. Don't make fun of them for bitching about the heat. Just like Texas isn't built for a freeze and our pipes burst, Pacific North West isn't built for heat and a lot of their homes don't have AC.
If you live somewhere with a high humidity like 80+ HUMIDITY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. The "humidity makes it feel cooler" is a lie once it gets beyond a point.
If you live somewhere with a lower humidity, misters are nice to cool off outside.
Once you get over 90°F (32°C) a fan will not help you. It's just pushing around hot air. (I mean if you can't afford a small AC unit because they're expensive as hell, by all means a fan is better than nothing).
If you have pets, those portable AC units aren't safe. If your pets destroy the outtake thing, it'll leak CO2. Window units are safer.
Window AC units will let mosquitoes or other small bugs in. Sucks, but that's life.
Now is not the time to me modest. If you have to cover for religious reasons, by all means. If you don't, I've seen people wear short shorts and a swim top. It's not trashy if it keeps you from getting heat stroke.
If you do have to cover up for religious reasons, look for elephant pants or something similar. They're made with a breathable material.
Shade is better than no shade, but that shit it just diet sun after some point. Don't think shade will save you from heat stroke.
I know the "drink your water" is a fun meme now, but if you're sweating excessively you need electrolytes. Drink Gatorade, Powerade, or Pedialite PLEASE. I don't care if you're fucking sitting in one spot all day. That shit WILL save you from heat stroke.
Most importantly. RESEARCH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEAT STROKE AND HEAT EXHAUSTION PLEASE!
Heat exhaustion is more, "drink water and get you cooled off." Heat stroke is more "Oh my god call 911."
Be safe.
-fae
Wear a hat and regularly soak it in water. As it dries it will cool your head. Its in the mid 90s here today and my hat is drying out in an hour or so, plan accordingly.
Take your time with tasks Physical activity generates body heat and you do not need more of that.
Good curtains on your windows help keep the sun out and the ac in.
Yes.
If you can afford it, blackout curtains or really thick curtains that keeps the sun out will insulate the windows.
I needed this when I lived in an apartment where my room faced west because the setting sun was too hot and the AC couldn't keep up.
-fae
Also drink water BEFORE you feel dehydrated. Drink water BEFORE you get hot. Even if you don’t feel like you need water, drink it. There isn’t much to prevent heat stroke, but going into the heat with water in your system will be far better than going into it without water. Avoid soda, coffee, iced/sweet tea, and other caffeinated drinks cuz they’ll dehydrate you.
Another good option is cold watermelon or high water fruits. When I find I’m so hot that the idea of drinking water is gross, melon is what I usually turn to. It’s more interesting texturally and is extremely high water content.
If you are experiencing heat exhaustion, drink cool but not cold water. Too cold will shock your system.
Seconding black out curtains. They’re saving my electric bill rn.
Do not be afraid to pour water on yourself or your clothing. Water evaporating will cool you off. Legit the only reason why I was able to sleep in 95 degree heat this weekend was my soaked shirt.
Also make sure to check your car batteries or tires. Nothing will leave you stranded in the heat easier than a car malfunction, especially a battery. If there is any resistance starting your car, get a new battery asap.
I wish people understood. "Everyone has rough spots, regardless of their situations." Believe me, I know. But this isn't a rough spot, this is your best friend telling you that she's in pain and having bad thoughts for the first time in years, even though there is no reason for it, and isn't sure she wants to keep holding herself together with duct tape.
I'm not sure what I am or what's wrong with me. I know I am scared and that I can't control the need to change ratios. I know that holding it for too long hurts like hell. I know I would love to one day live somewhere where mental health help was affordable and safe so I could get help. I would love to know why I can't just be normal, be okay, without having an identity crisis all the time.